Winx Reboot Notes, Episode 2

Still trash. And anti-witch propaganda. Let's go.

- “Which Fairy Is Witch?” That title deserves federal prison.

- Again, why is Robin here? Why does she exist? And why does her outfit look like pajamas?

- Faragonda’s office feels so dark and cold, which kills me.

- In the original, Faragonda is a kind, warm presence. She was strict, but you always felt safe with her around, and her office reflected that — small, warm, and cozy.

- “The question is not what you did, Bloom, but was it for the right reasons?” What’re you even referring to? Trying to loosen the changelings’ collars, or going after them through the portal to Gardenia?

- And what does the “reasons” part have to do with anything? That would imply she had some self-serving ulterior motive, which… no? The reboot’s going out of its way to make Bloom a wholesome, flawless role model.

- Oh, so we’re gonna see if Bloom is a fairy or a witch… okay then. Weird, considering in the original you could choose to be either, like Mirta or Selina.

- Also, Bloom being terrified of being a witch, almost like the show believes being a witch is bad.

- “You must discover your true nature, and I’m afraid there isn’t much time.” Um… the fuck do you mean? Why’s there a timer all of a sudden?

- Stella and Flora aren’t even like, “If you’re a witch we’ll accept you.” Just reaffirming she’s totally a fairy. I know y’all just met, but y’all are fake-ass hoes.

- Imagine Bloom turned out to be a witch and the entire dorm just throws her out and abandons her.

- SERIOUSLY, WHAT IS THIS WEIRD LIME-GREEN LOUNGE? Is this the Trix dorm? Are witch dorms just… in the Alfea basement or something?! Y’all are evil and dark and so you get no light, like rats.

- Icy’s evil laugh feels like it was supposed to come off as funny… but it’s just awkward.

- “You need to find a seat, Bloom.” What kinda whack-ass NPC dialogue???

- Wizgiz looks like he belongs on a cereal box.

- Oh my god the effects are so bad. The sparkles barely conceal the fact that there’s no animation. They’re just switching models in like one frame.

- So… these bitches can just conjure complex life with their spells? Yeah that doesn’t carry any kinda horrifying implications whatsoever.

- So… what did Icy do to Bloom exactly? What’s that mark, and how does it work? Can you do that to anybody to mess with their magic? If so, how do people not know a way to detect it?

- The class lasted for like… 5 minutes???

- In the original, we’d always start in the middle of a class, or end the scene before the class ended, which avoids this problem. Almost like actual thought was put into the original, whereas the reboot has no thought whatsoever.

- Also, we need to stop with the goddamn bell ringing in college settings. That’s not how colleges work. They don’t operate on a school-wide period system like high school. I didn’t go to college (poor) and even I know this!

- “I’m sorry, Mr. Wizgiz.” “Professor Wizgiz!” Okay, what the hell? Why is he so callous?

- Everyone in the reboot feels so… thoughtlessly mean and cruel. Like a lot of them aren’t outright malicious, but they clearly don’t seem to care about anybody else’s feelings, except for Bloom and sometimes Flora.

- The dog being left alone in the class… um, what? Did Wizgiz conjure it himself, or did he abduct this thing off the street?

- It’s barking, “Please kill me and put me out of my misery!”

- Why is Sky wearing two jackets? And why are both of them hideous?

- Specialists take some classes at Alfea… what? Why? Is Redfountain not good enough? Imagine having to go all the way to another campus just for one class.

- It’s obviously just to have an excuse for this kind of casual run-in with Bloom. I hate it.

- Lowkey, I’m thinking Chat GPT — like with the witches — thought they all went to the same school, and Rainbow had to add this disclaimer line in to justify it.

- Sky’s “aww” felt so fucking fake, oh my god.

- THAT’S NOT HOW THROWING FOOTBALLS WORK. I DON’T CARE ABOUT SPORTS AND EVEN I KNOW THIS!

- So… Sky played fetch with Brandon to get him to go away… what?

- AND HOW DID IT FLY OVER THE SCHOOL?! WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS HAPPENING? ARE WE PLAYING FOOTBALL ON THE MOON???

- Pretty sure it landed on the roof…

- OH GOD, DIASPRO IS HIDEOUS. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING???

- She looks like a Dolly Parton knockoff who fell into the Fountain of Plastic Youth and suffered a debilitating stroke.

- Why does no one look like they’re from the same show? Holy shit, Midjourney flopped hard.

- So Sky and Diaspro are openly dating, and there’s no hiding of Sky being a prince. Um… okay then?

- Guessing that they’re making Diaspro cartoonishly vapid and evil to make it okay for Bloom and Sky to inevitably cheat. Ugh. JUST LET HER MAKE A BAD CHOICE.

- Doing bad things is okay if only a categorically bad person gets hurt! By any chance, did the Harry Potter books get sampled when Chat GPT generated this script?

- Boba canonically exists in the Magic Dimension now. I wanna die.

- Bloom, why are you even talking to the Trix? They’re clearly not trustworthy and out to get you.

- Again, this open space is actually terrible for laying out each girl’s space, because the architecture itself isn’t designed to be split into parts. There’s virtually no privacy.

- “You’re impossible-r.” OG Stella is rolling in her couture grave.

- Someone said Aisha saying, “That’s not my thing,” then the cutting to later where they’re all laughing felt like a Family Guy cutaway — that’s an insult to Family Guy.

- The fake laughter is killing me so bad. Oh my god this feels so insincere.

- “I programmed the lights.” What lights, Tecna? The ones on the ceiling that we don’t have to animate, allowing us to throw in ugly god rays?

- In 3D animation, we call these kinds of colored lights “god rays.” Cuz it sounds cool.

- “I’ve always wanted to try popcorn.” MA’AM, YOU’RE FROM EARTH.

- Couldn’t you just say that you wanted to try and cook the popcorn yourself with your magic, both to try it out and also cuz Alfea has no microwaves???

- Cut to OG Bloom with her parents at the movies. Ya know, EATING POPCORN.

- What even caught on fire? The bowl? How is that big??? Do y’all know how fire works?

- “Protection of Waves.” Thanks for the Bloomix war flashbacks.

- Okay, so when the water hits the girls, they’re still dry. Then in the very next shot — in one frame — they’re soaked. There was no animation of their hair falling as they get drenched. Holy shit this is so bad.

- Also, Stella and Musa were holding cups as they got hit with water, then in the shot where they’re drenched, the cups are gone. What the actual fuck???

- And now everyone hates Bloom to make her sad and do plot things. Okay, sure.

- Good lord why is the moon so bright???

- Even Alfea’s interiors are worse. The lockers, the floors, the doors, all of it makes it look like a yassified high school.

- In the original, all the curved architecture made it feel warm and organic. No other place looked like Alfea.

- WHY DO WE TRUST WHAT ICY SAID???

- Icy’s grin makes her look like a pufferfish.

- “The first magic users came here to find out if they were witches or fairies.” Um… what??? How would they not know? And why would they seek out a place to figure that out?

- This looks like any other ordinary room at Alfea, rather than some ancient room that the first magic users sought out. It’s literally giving an abandoned tower collecting dust that just happens to hold a magic mirror.

- Also, how would this room have existed to test magic users’ affinities before the first magic users???

- Okay so, did the Trix lie about this and make the mirror up? Cuz it’s so stupid it can’t be real.

- Okay yeah, it’s a trick by Darcy. Thank fuck.

- “Evil” Bloom just floating and burning Alfea with red-pink fire looks so goofy and bad oh my lord.

- Oh no, Bloom! You’re gonna burn the roommates you just met to death! She’s acting like they’ve already been besties forever.

- “I can help you.” WHY ARE YOU SO TRUSTING OF ICY, BLOOM??? WHY ARE YOU SO DUMB???

- Blicy fans, you deserve so much better.

- This song is fucking terrible.

- SHE’S ALREADY LEAVING ALFEA. IN EPISODE 2. WTF???

- Ah yes, remember that one single memory we formed like 2 hours ago. Ah the fondness we hold.

- Wait, she left in the middle of the night, but then suddenly it’s the middle of the day??? WHAT IS WITH THE PASSAGE OF TIME???

- Why did Bloom… stumble back like that while talking to the Trix? She looked like she was dying of heatstroke.

- Just… opening a portal to Earth, in the middle of the Alfea courtyard, in the middle of the day — also in the middle of the day, in a public space, in Gardenia. Gurl wtf is happening?

- I just got whiplash. They showed a flashback to Bloom arriving at Alfea, but there was no transition or effect to make it visually clear what’s the present versus what’s the past. I literally thought Bloom was happily walking into the portal before the camera spun to show the school entrance, and I realized we were in a flashback. This is so terrible.

- Sky fading away made me cackle like a hyena.

- We’re acting as though Bloom has been here for a whole season, bonding with her friends, but… it’s the middle of episode 2. Why the hell are we doing this???

- “Bloom is now where the other girls can’t protect her!” The “other girls”? I assume they mean just Stella and Flora, since Musa, Tecna, and Aisha don’t matter and have only had like two, barely three scenes so far.

- So… Bloom is suddenly back on Earth… and in school? What? Was she sent back in the middle of the school day? Wouldn’t people notice her absence and sudden reappearance???

- Her schedule… so was Bloom already in school last episode and just left abruptly???

- And the class is empty… if this was a trap on the Trix’s part, that would mean they’d have to have known her Gardenia High School schedule, then somehow made sure the teacher and the rest of the students in that class wouldn’t show up, and also move all the desks outta the way for the confrontation. Cuz if I recall correctly, chemistry classroom are full of desks and lab tables.

- “We just wanna steal your power!” So… the Trix just know off the bat Bloom has the Dragon Flame. No mystery, no investigations, just… this immediately. Sure, take all the drama out. You’re already speedrunning.

- I love that Darcy is barely lifting her arm to attack.

- Wow they’re terrible shots. You’re in a tiny-ass classroom, she’s obviously running to the door, then not even trying to dodge, and y’all still can’t land a single hit???

- Robin randomly appearing at the window on her hoverbike has me cackling. Like, it’s outta the blue, but also, how does no one outside notice a HOVERBIKE OUTSIDE THE WINDOW???

- “Can’t a girl be more than one thing?” Sure, but a boy can never be a fairy, or else Iginio will have a hissy fit.

- I will be proven right later.

- How is Icy trying to steal the power exactly? In the original, the Trix used the Wispirian Crystals (I still refuse to call them the Vacuums), which made sense. Trying to steal someone’s power should require some extra effort, or it’d be too easy. But this? How does this even work?

- Also, the effects look awful, and once more, they appear offscreen so we don’t have to animate them appearing.

- The fire alarm goes off, and IMMEDIATELY the fire department appears. I am cackling.

- Why did the Trix just stand there for two seconds as they opened the portal? And the portal doesn’t even have the image of Alfea. It’s just… empty.

- Where did Mike’s fellow firefighters go? Did they not see Bloom spawning the flames by herself, nor the hoverbike Robin left just outside the window? And how’d they know exactly which room to go to???

- Again, Bloom got drenched offscreen so we don’t have to animate her hair getting wet.

- The fact that we just said “Bloom’s going to boarding school,” and we did it OFFSCREEN, and that was GOOD ENOUGH???

- “We’ve always known you’ve had powers, Bloom!” Wow. Talk about underwhelming.

- In the original, this was an entire episode. It was Bloom coming home on break having changed at Alfea, and discovering she’d been found in a huge fire. That the fire itself protected her because of her magic. IT WAS A BIG FUCKING DEAL, AND IT WAS EMOTIONAL AND REAL AND WONDERFULLY WRITTEN.

- “That’s what the was! Anyway Bloom…” That felt so whiplash-inducing.

- “The fairies are nice, but they don’t need me!” What?! When was that the issue??? Wasn’t the issue you being worried about being a witch and accidentally hurting people with your power?!

- “This is your normal self!” Yes, her fairy self, because no one will comfort her about the idea of being a witch, because we all know being a witch is bad.

- No one tell the Charmed Ones.

- The way I wish someone would go, “And what’s so bad about being a witch?” FLORA, YOU SAID NOT ALL WITCHES ARE BAD LAST EPISODE. WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU SILENT?

- “We know this isn’t easy, but hard things never are.” Someone give Chat GPT an award.

- “Anything you’ve ever set out to do, you’ve done. And you’ve done well.” Receipts please.

- The Winx just showing up to get Bloom… why??? Stella finishing the sentence implies they heard their conversation before they opened the portal. And how’d they know to come here??? WHAT IS HAPPENING???

- Also, why are Musa, Tecna, and Aisha here? They don’t give a fuck about Bloom. Stella and Flora don’t even qualify as friends yet.

- I love Tecna standing in the background of the kitchen with her head down, like she’s blacked out.

- “We really miss you, Bloom.” THE WAY IT LOOKED LIKE AISHA WAS PUTTING ON A PAINFULLY FAKE SMILE.

- “We’re so proud of you, Bloom.” PROUD OF WHAT? SHE HASN’T DONE JACK SHIT.

- “What if they say I’m a witch?!” “That is so not happening!” Because if it did, we’d kill you on sight.

- The way it’s so obvious who’s a fairy and who’s a witch just by fashion. Like, shouldn’t there be a lesson on and not judging by appearances, or don’t judge books by their covers? That you can’t tell what someone is just by their appearance? BUT NAH. IT’S ALWAYS OBVIOUS. FUCK TEACHING CHILDREN GOOD LESSONS.

- The way I WISH BLOOM WAS A FUCKING WITCH.

- The way Damien got so excited to be a fairy, then got shot down and stuck with being a warlock… not even a witch — male witches need their own term so they’re too feminine-sounding. Fuck my life.

- If Damien doesn’t become a fairy by the end of the season, I am disemboweling someone.

- “Any presence of darkness tips the scale in [witches’] favor.” It’s giving the one-drop rule, racial purity. Gross as fuck.

- Why is Damien taking care of the magical creatures anyway? He just seems to be some random kid, and with his father being Vexius—who I’m assuming is a known criminal—it’s not like he can outright talk about his family. How the fuck did he get here, and who put him in charge of this shit?

- “Apparently there was attack on a fairy on Earth.” ROBIN SAW THE TRIX. LITERALLY FOUGHT THEM. THEY OPENLY SAID THEY’D STEAL BLOOM’S POWER. WHY THE FUCK IS THAT NOT GROUNDS FOR EXPULSION AND INCARCERATION???

- The way Faragonda and Griffin just let the Trix terrorize and torment the Winx this entire season, constantly, and never once punish them, but they’ll happily punish the Winx for the stupidest shit, BOILS MY GODDAMN BLOOD.

- “Again, and again, and again.” Rainbow promising to find new and interesting ways to destroy their own franchise.