Shudder Crud - That Time of The Month

This month's Shudder Crud theme is women having a terrible time and going totally nuts. No I don't mean that in a sexist way, you chumps. I mean it in a totally rad and gnarly way. 3 films, 3 pretty girls, 3 really bad days. It could easily be 3,000 films, because women having a bad day is like 90 percent of horror movies. Pretty sure that makes up the entirety of Shudder's library. So this may be an ongoing theme.

The Nightingale

What better way to start this off than with the second film by Babadook director, Jennifer Kent. Another brutal, ugly, scary, uncomfortable, vicious film about a pissed off chick who's just about fucking had it. This one follows the vengeful trek of an Irish lass in the olden days, whose hubby and baby get ganked and spanked by the Bastard British. So she goes ballistic and teams up with a Tanzanian man to brutalize the fuckheads what done did it.

I don't think it's quite as captivating all the way through as the Babadook, that movie feels like it has a more brisk pace. But on the other hand there's no annoying child in this one. One guy gets annoyed at a baby but well, that doesn’t last long. 

The beginning part is extremely hardcore and might be too brutal for some. That baby gets burped hard. Then the lady starts fuming something fierce, and i sure do enjoy seeing her go around illin and killin.

I'm really impressed by this director so far. Babadook is a classic that i like more every time i see it, and this is very in line with that film's themes, but with a totally different story and setting. I hope this woman's anger never dies, so she can keep making movies about angry women being pissed off forever. Whatever it was that hurt her, I'm thankful that it seems to have soaked her art in such delicious rage.

The Others

Here's a scary ghost movie about a freakishly beautiful woman (unsurprisingly played by Nicole Kidman) spazzing out and screaming at people because her house is obviously haunted. There’s a twist at the end that you can guess a mile away, in fact you’ve probably guessed it already. 

But despite it’s predictability, it’s well executed and just kind of works. Sort of the quintessential example of the early 2000s era of popcorn-prestige horror flicks. It’s not gory or shocking, or totally insane, it’s just like.. pretty decent, man. I would classify this as a “regular” scary movie. It's normie horror. 

Look, there’s not a 20 year old Nicole Kidman movie I won't enjoy, I just like looking at her face the way one admires a great sculpture, her looks being preserved on film is one of Hollywood’s most noble achievements for all mankind. 

Starry Eyes

This one is a psychological nightmare scenario about the cost of stardom, with some real yucky body horror, as well as mental, emotional, and sexual horror. It’s about a struggling actress driving herself mental with unfulfilled ambition, until she’s finally noticed by some elite Hollywood weirdos and offered the whole stinking world… at a ghastly and ghoulish price.

She undergoes a metamorphosis of sorts that involves physically falling apart while alienating everyone around her and becoming an unhinged lunatic. Metaphorically speaking, it feels very true to the costs of pursuing any kind of lofty artistic dream. But on another level, who’s to say this creepy shit isn’t literally what goes on as well? 

I’m sure this kind of soul selling happens for real in the big club, though to what level is anybody’s guess. Tell ya what, once I've moved to Hollywood and left all the naysaying peons in the dirt, I’ll let you know. Except I probably won’t care about telling you a damn thing by then. I’ll be so far beyond all of this. Ha ha. Just thinking about it warms me up inside. 

Honestly, this barely feels like a horror movie. She did the right thing and I’m proud of her. Those jealous, loser friends of hers were getting in the way and keeping her down the whole time. The moral is, sell your soul if you can, everyone's holding you back, kill them. Now that’s a refreshing and bold message I can get behind.