weaponising self-affirmation

I'd missed this somehow. Great video. You articulated what I've been thinking about the misuse of 'unconditional love'. I also liked the point about not needing one's abuser's perspective to work through the impact of abuse. I can see myself returning to this video. Thank you.

This video, was uploaded just at the right time for where I was at in my journey. As has the latest one "Rumination" Thank you for all you do to help us.

I love this video because it showed something about myself I didn't know. The section on unconditional love really opened my eyes. I'd always resented the concept of "I love you because..." and this is something I'd heard from my mother for years. I still think that "I love you because" is a very twisted form of "love," but unconditional love without boundaries is unreasonable, too. I just can't accept that a person like a mother can impose restrictions like "you must continue going to my church" or "you must obey my God's commands" to keep my love in a manipulative way and that this is somehow healthy. Thanks again for another great video.

Chad Lehman

I am doing OK. Adjusting to life on anti-depression medication and living in a new town.

Nemoutopian

Hey Nemo. I hope you're doing well.

Wonderful.

Nemoutopian

Cheers Robert. Glad it's helped!

Hey Alana :8)

That same thought crossed my mind several times while watching the video. It's not gone unnoticed by a lot of people that the right appropriate arguments and talking points from the left to further their agenda, while in the same breath mocking them: "safe spaces are bullshit, but if you get one I get one too"

This was fantastic 😢 I had to rewind a couple times midway and listen to certain lines again because it was hard to follow some details, but considering the confusing nature of the topic itself, I think you presented it as clearly as is humanly possible. It must have taken a lot of careful thought and arrangement to get it all just right. Thank you for all that care and effort. Last night I had another of the many types of recurring flashback dreams I've had over the years about the methods of mind control used by my parents when I was young. I remember regularly being forced by my parents to do certain things or go to certain places, and when I suggested I be allowed to decline, I was literally told by my father that I was "trying to control our family," which in one memorable case ended with him literally threatening to kill me in front of my mother and brothers if I didn't immediately drop to my knees in front of him and apologize... the offense being that I had requested we wait to finish watching a VHS movie (borrowed from the local library unter my name) until I was able to join so we could watch it together instead of letting them all finish watching it sooner without me. In retrospect, I now feel that I could have eliminated the years of emotional abuse that continued after that by simply responding to him with, "I have done nothing wrong. If you murder me over this, that is your own choice." Instead, being too young and unaware of the world outside the home, I complied with the tyrannical demand, and became even more of an enabler for the rest of my teenage years until descending into a painful cycle of depression and disillusionment that led to leaving the family religion but has continued ever since. The dream last night was about my parents deciding that we have to pack up everything and move far away. This actually happened three times when I was younger, destroying my attempts at forming desperately needed healthy relationships outside the home -- friendships which were mocked and often sabotaged by my father. I currently have been living in Korea for 14 years, and during that time have frequently had nightmares about having to return to the US or simply being there and being unable to return to my life in Korea. Each time, when I woke up I would have to study my surroundings and recognize that it was not real and I am still in Korea. This time it was my parents forcing me to move back to the US. I was crying uncontrollably in the dream, begging my parents not to uproot my life once again after I had spent so many years and effort to build what is now just barely a stable lifestye for myself. It would be nice to have a full-length honest talk with my dad, but I know he is too far into his own narrative to be open to that and I would only hurt myself more, as has always been my experience thus far. Trying to escape this cycle on my own has been like climbing a vertical cliff with no equipment or training, and no safety net when I slip. This video brings me one step further to a complete sense of individual autonomy. I would still like to find a qualified therapist who is equipped to assist with my unique set of issues... If you can recommend anyone, it would mean the world to me. Meanwhile, thank you again for all the heartfelt work put into your videos.

I'm struck by how many of these are used by a certain subset of conservatives in America to continue their racism or intolerance. "Cancel Culture" is a common complaint. "Religious freedom" is used as an excuse for oppressing others. Even corporations have the "religious freedom" not to offer employees certain things (Hobby Lobby, for example).

Cassandra Gelvin

Another great video. It's so helpful to see these behaviors laid out as patterns and tactics. Makes dealing with them so much more manageable.

Robert Daniel Pickard

I had a friend who did this to me all the time. If I told her she'd hurt me, she'd say she wasn't responsible for my feelings, but if I tried to assert similar boundaries, she'd tell me that I needed to take accountability for my actions. It was always about how 'I changed my personality for you (even though I never asked or expected her to), so if you believe in fairness and equality, you'll do the same for me'. I'm still unravelling some of the things she made me believe about myself and the world, despite the fact that I haven't seen her for about 5 years. She just had such a strong hold on me that I still have trauma reactions to certain things because of her

I can’t wait to see it. Thank you!