Midnight Pals: Romance

Colleen Hoover: anyway i have a fun, sassy little romance for you that i think you'll all love
Hoover: it's totally normal and NOT fucked up in any way
Poe: ok this is really not assuaging me
King: let it go, edgar
Barker: yeah i'm getting real excited for this one
Barker: too fucked up for the romance writers campfire?
Barker: yeah this is gonna be a doozy

Hoover: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of verity
Hoover: verity means truth, by the way
Hoover: that's going to come into play later on, by the way
Hoover: in a delightfully ironic twist

Hoover: so there's this woman who gets hired to take care of a comatose writer
Hoover: but she falls in love with the comatose writer's husband
Hoover: so together, they murder the comatose writer
Hoover: but it's okay, she was probably evil

Poe: she was probably evil?
Hoover: oh yeah, he helpfully left a full confession about how she was evil
Hoover: so that our heroes could find it and know she was evil
Hoover: so that's why they had to murder her and live happily ever after

Barker: damn, that's fucked up
Hoover: what? no it's not
Hoover: didn't you hear me?
Hoover: the murder victim was probably evil, as far as they knew
Hoover: so, you know, they were justified in killing her

Hoover: besides, she was really getting in the way of their romance
Hoover: and this couple was just so well matched
Hoover: it would be such a shame to let this comatose first wife get in the way
Hoover: it's a lovely romance
Hoover: i don't understand why you all have a problem with it
Hoover: i will kill you all

King: whoa, there! nobody has a problem
Hoover: i will kill you dead
Hoover: i can do it too
Hoover: I've done it before
King: ah ha ha! what a joker!
Hoover: don't laugh at me
King:
King: mary?
King: mary, anytime now
Shelley:
King: [sweating] whenever you're ready