The Human Equation

It was the week after midterms when my roommate burst into our dorm room. His eyes were wild, like a crazy man. Matt’s not really the kind of guy to get excited, much less agitated.

“Hey man... are you okay?” I asked, watching him pace back and forth in the tiny space between our two beds.

“Danny, I just saw...” he started, then stopped again and stared into space. “It’s that intro to algebra class they’re making me take. The professor just showed us this...”

Again with the staring into space.

Matt’s a math major. Usually when he talks about that class, it’s to complain about the incredibly slow pace his peers are plodding along at. He insists he’s not a genius – he says he just works hard – but I work hard too and Matt leaves me in the dust.

Regardless, when he complains about that class, I believe him. He showed me the homework and it’s basically remedial math from high school. But it’s the first class he has to take if he wants to get his degree, and Matt needs that degree so he can work in Finance after college.

Honestly, he should just skip out of class and show up for the exams. It’s not like anyone’s checking the attendance.

“Calm down buddy,” I said, trying to sound reassuring. “Just tell me what happened. Did one of those neanderthals forget two plus two equals four?”

“No, it’s...” Matt started and stopped again. “One of the guys in my class – this business major named Keegan – he stuck his hand up and asked what they’re ever gonna use this stuff for.”

“I hate that question,” I said, rolling my eyes. “It’s so ignorant.”

“Yeah, but he’s a business major,” Matt shrugged. “I guess as long as he can read a balance sheet, who needs to be able to work a problem? But the professor said the same thing you did, and he called him up to the front. Told him to stand in front of the whole class.”

“Did he embarrass him or something?” I asked. Matt’s got pretty bad social anxiety, maybe he was just agitated out of sympathy for the dumbass.

“No, the professor, he goes... ‘People say math is useless, but math isn’t just abstract. We use it to represent all sorts of things.’ And then he pulls up some crappy looking piece of software on the projector and says it’s from his research.”

“So that’s what got you so mindblown? Some proof solver or something?”

“He says that in his research he uses math to represent a person – he calls it ‘the human equation’. And then the professor goes ‘Here’s an example’ and clicks some stuff on his laptop, and this blue beam of light shoots out and hits Keegan.”

“Is he okay?”

“Yeah... but then the screen fills with symbols. I recognized some of them, but... he said the left side of the screen was Keegan’s past. And the right side was who he is today. And then he says ‘the important thing about algebra is that whatever we do to one side of the equation, we have to do to the other side.”

“Yeah... you subtract five from one side, you have to subtract it from the other side too. That’s elementary school stuff.”

“So he selects something on the left, he said it was the constant for Keegan’s IQ, and he bumps it up a lot... and then he points at the right side and shows us some stuff that got highlighted and changed. Like now Keegan finds math a lot more interesting and he’s a math major. I thought it was kind of a cool simulation, but then that blue light hits Keegan again and... he looked pretty much the same, but suddenly he was wearing glasses and a Star Wars t-shirt.”

“Wait... like it actually changed him,” I asked, trying to follow along. “It wasn’t just a simulation?”

“Right!” Matt nodded. “And Keegan just goes ‘That’s some seriously cool research professor!’. Then he apologized for interrupting the class and sat back down. And Danny... nobody’s freaking out about this! Even me... I just... like, I know that’s how Keegan’s always been. We’re in math club together and everything... but I still kinda remember the old version too. It’s seriously weird.”

“That’s... impossible, right?” I asked. “You’re fucking with me?”

“No, Danny... the professor created some seriously next level technology,” Matt insisted. “He can zap you with a computer and edit your past and you just... become someone different today. Can you imagine what I could do with that tech?”

“Take over the world?” I offered.

“I could make myself even smarter!” Matt gushed. “I could ace all my classes. Maybe I could even get a girlfriend! Seriously Danny, once the professor publishes his research, this is gonna change the world!”

I joined Matt in staring at the walls for a couple of minutes.

If even half of what he said was true, the professor had accidentally invented a dream machine. I think we all have things in our past that we’d change... things that we wish we could do differently. Two months into college and I was still in the closet, so if there was anything I could do to cook up a little bravery...

Or maybe a boyfriend? Now that was a thought...

“So uh... why should you wait?” I said out loud. “After all... we’re in college right now – and you need to ace those classes now. It might be years before the professor publishes his research, assuming the government doesn’t suppress it or whatever.”

“What am I supposed to do?” Matt shrugged. “Ask the professor about being his a research assistant? I’m in my first year – that’s usually just for seniors.”

“No way,” I grinned. “We don’t ask... you just, use it. I work as a janitor in the math building dude... I’ve got keys to all the offices. It wouldn’t even be breaking in, just unlocking a door! And the professor would never even know!”

Matt shook his head.

“That’d be against the rules,” he objected.

“Dude, what rules?” I laughed. “It’s no harm, no foul.”

It took me another half hour of arguing before Matt agreed that we should use the program. I mean... he agreed that he should use the program, I never said anything about touching it. I didn’t want him to think I had some ulterior motive.

And I definitely had an ulterior motive.

He dressed up in a black hoodie and a black pair of jeans. I just threw on my jacket and made sure I had my keys. We’re 19 year old nerds on a college campus... nobody is looking at us twice.

“What if someone catches us?” Matt rambled as I unlocked the door. “I mean, we’ll get in trouble, right? I don’t want anything on my permanent record.”

“Uh... Matt, there’s some professor that changed reality in front of a lecture hall full of people. If someone’s in trouble today, it’s not us,” I promised.

Two minutes later we were in the professors office and opening his laptop. The professor may have been a genius, but he kept his password on a post-it note on his desk, just like the rest of us mere mortals.

“I think this is it,” Matt said, launching a program. “Let me see... what the hell did he do to scan Keegan in class...”

I looked over his shoulder. It was a pretty ugly piece of software – but who cares, so long as it worked. There was a row of icons along the top, and then a big blank area below where I expected the equation would should up.

“How about that,” I said, pointing at one of the icons – a blue beam of light with a stick figure inside of it.

“Yeah, maybe...” Matt said. He cautiously clicked. A little menu popped up with two names on it – his and mine. “Whoa...” he said.

“It must have scanned nearby and found us?”

“Yeah, I guess so...” Matt said. He selected his name from the menu. A second later he was bathed in a glow of blue light and symbols started to appear on the laptop screen. There had to be thousands of them. I recognized a few greek letters, and of course a lot of numbers, but it was pretty much gibberish.

“Okay...” Matt said, staring at the densely packed screen. “I have absolutely no idea where to start. Maybe he left some documentation around here? Do you see any notes?”

“Here, let me take a look,” I said, tapping him on the arm. He got up from the office chair and walked over to stare out the window. I slid into his place. There was a search bar near the top of the screen and I started there.

I typed in ‘muscle’ and hit the enter key. That had to be something you could change, right?

The results came up – a long list of a hundred different options. Some of them seemed like settings – things like “natural muscle potential” or “daily time in gym” or even “number of pushups per day”. As I scrolled down the list I started to see specifics from Matt’s life – “got picked last in gym class” or “mocked at the gym”.

Jackpot.

“Okay, I think I’ve found a search function,” I said, trying to hide my excitement.

“Search for intelligence,” Matt said, hurrying back over to the professors desk. He leaned over my shoulder and watched as everything from “Raw IQ” and “Spatial Acuity” showed up, including incredibly specific stuff like “praised for getting an A in grade 2” and “smartest person in his class when he was 11”.

“Wow,” Matt said, staring at the list. “That’s incredible. It’s like it knows everything about me.”

“Everything that made you into you,” I said breathlessly. “And we can change it.”

“I’m gonna try adjusting my IQ,” Matt said, leaning in and reaching past me. “That should be a safe test, right?”

“Whoa,” I said, grabbing his hand before it touched the keyboard. “There’s a lot of information here, and if what you said earlier was true... this is realtime, right? So when you make a change, you’re gonna change along with it.”

“Yeah, that’s right,” Matt nodded.

“So if something goes wrong... maybe I should be working the computer,” I suggested. “That way I can change you back if there’s some kind of accident.”

“That makes a lot of sense,” Matt nodded. “Thanks Danny.”

“No problem,” I grinned. “Go stand over there. We’ll go nice and slow, but I don’t want you hovering over my shoulder.”

Matt nodded and went over to sit on the professor’s beat up couch. He hunched there, elbows resting on his knees, and waited for me to sort through the list of terms.

“Okay... let’s start with something really specific,” Matt said. “I’m taking intro to calc, and logarithms aren’t intuitive to me. See if there’s something around intuition with logarithms or something like that.”

I could have done what he wanted. We could have used the professor’s machine to make Matt into the smartest math student on campus. But you read the same porn I do... and I had a chance to make the perfect boyfriend.

“Sure thing,” I said, searching for ‘athleticism’. All sorts of terms came up – ‘athletic aptitude’ and ‘passion for sports’ were the first two on the list. I clicked on them and saw that both of them were close to 2%. I upped them both into the mid-nineties. And yeah, I made sure he got picked first in gym class.

There was an apply button at the bottom of the screen. The blue beam shot out when I clicked on it, covering Matt in the glow again.

It happened in an instant. I was hoping for a cool morphing effect, but that’s not the way it works. One moment Matt was a nerdy college kid, the next he was a student athlete – varsity jacket, a t-shirt and jeans, and a pair of stylish sneakers. His messy hair was still messy, but cropped short into a stereotypically ‘jock’ haircut, and of course his glasses were gone.

“Did that do anything?” he asked, sitting back comfortably on the couch. “C’mon man, I need those math skills... coach says unless I ace this course they’re gonna cut my scholarship.”

“Hmm...” I said, trying to hide my smile and a sudden erection. “I don’t think it did anything. Let me try again.”

“Yeah, okay dude,” he nodded. “Just make sure I’m smart at this math stuff. I did okay on the midterm, but the final’s worth like 60%.”

The new Matt pulled out his phone and reclined on the couch, the sounds of a football game blaring from its tiny speaker. He gave it the same look he used to give textbooks.

It was a good start, but I didn’t just want the same Matt who happened to be good at sports. I took another few minutes and clicked through a few different terms in his human equation. I found his natural muscle potential and upped it by a hundred pounds. I made sure he got a huge dopamine response when he lifted weights. I even found a setting for his narcissism and dialled it up – I wanted him to like looking good. Intrinsic motivation, knowledge of exercise science and nutrition, daily time in the gym... I went down the list and bumped up his stats.

I even managed to update his grade nine gym class – instead of getting mocked in the weight room, one of the jocks took him under their wing and showed him around.

“Okay, let’s try this,” I mumbled, crossing my fingers and hitting that apply button. The blue light washed over him and left a whole new man behind.

His letterman jacket was gone, and his phone wasn’t playing a football came anymore. He was doing that ‘swipe, stare, swipe, stare’ motion that comes with social media.

His hair was even shorter – just a buzzcut now. His sneakers had gone from fashionable to a pair of well-used gym shoes. Instead of jeans he was wearing a pair of athletic shorts that showed off thick legs, along with a college hoodie that he probably called a ‘pump cover’ now. His body looked big and bulky underneath... I wished I could see it better.

I hit the search bar again and found out that Matt’s parents taught him to be prude when he was a kid. I deleted that from his equation and watched as the blue light adjusted him into a well-adjusted exhibitionist. The hoodie was gone, replaced by a tanktop even though it was the middle of winter outside.

I couldn’t take my eyes off him. Giant arms and prominent pecs... he was every photo I’d ever masturbated to.

“Dude, that didn’t do it,” Matt grunted, absently scratching at his balls. “C’mon... I gotta get some math skills bro, otherwise I’m never gonna pass this dumb class.”

“Yeah,” I said, biting my lip.

“Who’s ever gonna use this shit anyway?” he complained. “Like... I can add plates to my bench, that’s good enough.”

I took a second to review the other side of the equation. Several terms were highlighted, and when I clicked on them I could see the details. Matt didn’t spent any time studying now, and his high school grades were so low he barely got into college. A muscle jock like Matt just didn’t care about school.

“I don’t feel smarter bro,” Matt grunted, scrolling on his phone. “How long’s this nerd shit s’posed to take?”

“We’re getting there,” I said nervously. I had a sense that this new version of Matt didn’t have as much patience as the old version, and I didn’t want him to leave before I finished making changes. All I had to do was figure out the right terms to edit...

Matt was scrolling through Instagram, watching fitness videos at full volume and laughing every time they gave bullshit advice. Where the old Matt knew his way around a classroom, this version definitely knew his way around the gym.

But you can’t date a guy who’s just a gymrat. He was too obsessed to have any fun. I hunted through the settings and searched for terms around his social life. Like I expected, everything had pretty low values.

So I made him into an extrovert with high charisma. I made sure he loved to party and that he could afford it without a problem. Matt’s grandma had left him a trust fund – I increased how much money was there. And just for fun, I made him vulnerable to peer pressure.

The blue beam hit Matt on his beefy chest and spread over his body. A moment later he was waring brand name jeans and a muscle fit t-shirt with that Nike swoosh across the chest. His gym shoes were gone, replaced with a new pair of Converse, and his hair was shaggy under a backwards ball cap. His phone had been an Android, but now he had the newest iPhone, along with an expensive looking watch and a gold chain around his neck.

“Bro, I don’t think it’s working,” he said, giving me a sympathetic look. I almost wanted to admit what I was doing – he was radiating so much charm, I knew I could trust him. “C’mon buddy, I need your help... you gotta change my grade or I’m gonna get an F in this class. I flunk a class, I’m outta the frat...” he said, trying to put it together for me. Of course, that made sense... I still remembered that I’d been roommates with the original Matt, but this version lived in a frat house and put on the best parties.

“I’m looking,” I promised. “Just a few more minutes. It’ll be cool.”

“Thanks bro,” Matt said, breaking out his best grin for me. “I know you got my back... I just gotta get back in time for the kegger tonight. C’mon bro... there’s gonna be so many girls. I’ll hook you up!”

“Yeah, I hear you,” I chuckled. That didn’t sound fun at all... but we were getting closer. “I’ve just got to make sure I get this right. This is the chance of a lifetime.”

“Bro,” Matt laughed. “Relax. It’s a spreadsheet and you got the keys.”

“Yeah,” I said. “Right.”

From his perspective we’d broken in so I could change his midterm marks or something. He didn’t even know about the human equation anymore. Whatever.... just a couple more changes and I’d have my perfect man.

He loved to party now, and clearly hookups weren’t a problem, but I wanted him to be insatiable. I searched for libido in the interface and found a ton of things. By the time I was done editing, Matt’s sex drive was turned way up – he’d have to cum at least two or three times a day. I also made him sexually confident and adventurous, gave him great stamina, and made sure that he’d enjoy the hell out of it.

One click on the apply button and the blue light shot out, hitting Matt again. There was no huge change this time – he still looked like every over-muscled fratbro, zoned out with his phone. Except now he was absently rubbing his cock through his jeans. The sounds come from the phone weren’t exactly fitness influencers anymore – he was watching porn while I worked.

“C’mon bro, let’s do this some other time,” he complained. “I came to college to get laid and go to parties... and no offence bro, but this ain’t that.”

“What?” I joked. “I’m not your type.”

“Bro,” he said defensively. “Don’t even joke about that shit. I got a reputation to uphold – the ladies love a fuckboy.”

“Just one more minute,” I insisted. “Or do you want to fail this class?”

“Shit bro,” Matt said. “Yeah, I forgot about that bro. I flunk one more and they’re gonna kick me outta school.”

I kept typing at the keyboard, looking for the last thing I wanted to change.

“I don’t wanna go back to Iowa,” he moaned. “Tindr’s like... a ghost town on the farm. There’s six girls in an hours drive, and I burned through ‘em all in high school. Plus I gotta get up early to work... shit seriously sucks bro.”

“Don’t worry,” I said. “I think I’ve got it.”

There was only one more change I wanted to make. I set Matt’s inherent orientation so that he was 100% gay. Then I found a list of his kinks and added one – Matt was into smart guys now. Just for good measure I tracked down his IQ and bumped it down a few notches.

I hit apply and watched the blue beam hit my friend for the last time.

He kept the same frat boy haircut, flattened down by his backwards ball cap. It was a hot look, all messy and masculine.

His t-shirt became a tanktop again, but this time it looked like something from Andrew Christian – all mesh and neon fabric. I could see his nipples through the thin cloth, it was so tight against his muscular chest.

His jeans followed suit – they were tight before, but now they were practically painted on. I could see the hard outline of his cock against the fabric. I wanted to get my lips around it, and from the leer he was giving me, I’d say he wanted me now too.

As for his converse, they’d snapped from a plain black into hot pink high-tops.

“C’mon babe,” he growled, tossing his phone to the side and strutting over to me. “I don’t care if you’re getting a shitty grade in whatever... why do I have to sit here while you hack the world? Let’s go back to your dorm and fuuuuuuuuck...”

He slammed his hands down on the desk in front of me and leaned forward. I could smell his cologne, a little too heavy, but if you haven’t guessed yet I kinda like ‘em douchey.

“Hell yeah,” I said, staring at the sex god I’d managed to create. Fifteen minutes ago he’d been my nerdy dorm mate. Now he was a gay fuckboy and I was his kink.

“If I wanted to go to college, bro... I’d have gone to college,” Matt said, shifting his hips back and forth. That’s how he always stretches out, right before he begs me to fuck him... I had a vague memory, growing stronger now – I met Matt at a club on my first night at school and we’d been fuck buddies ever since.

“Relax pretty boy,” I teased. “You’re gonna get laid tonight.”

“Yeah? Your roommate’s gonna be home in like... an hour,” Matt complained. Then his face lit up, like he’d just had a brilliant thought – “Unless you wanna fuck here?”

With one quick motion he swept all the stuff off the professor’s desk. The laptop slammed to the ground... but the screen was still glowing. Hopefully he hadn’t broken it too badly.

“I always wanted to do that,” he grinned flirtatiously. Maybe I’d cranked up his charm too much – I felt flattered when I should have been terrified.

He unbuttoned his jeans and peeled them down his legs, exposing a red jockstrap underneath. He rubbed his cock through the fabric, moaning as precum started to soak through the fabric.

“C’mon babe...” he begged. “You wanna fuck my jock ass? You wanna fuck my jock ass right here...”

“Someone’s gonna catch us!” I said weakly.

“That’s the fun part,” Matt teased. He pulled off his tank and bounced his pecs at me. I looked at the cap, now skewed off to one side. God... he was so sexy...

“C’mon babe, you know you wanna...” he purred. “Fuck my jock ass with your brainy cock bro...”

Yeah, I couldn’t resist him.

I could never resist Matt. He’s such a fuckin’ charmer, and he’s got the hottest body ever. I remember walking past that gay club on my first day of school and he was chatting with a bunch of people outside. He whistled at me – that obnoxious wolf whistle – and when I kept walking he shouted “Hot nerd alert!”

I figured he was gonna beat me up, but instead he ended up taking me home.

I still remembered Matt – my nerdy roommate – but now I remembered Matty too. The hot bottom who craved my nerdy cock.

“Only if you ask nicely,” I teased.

“Oh, hell yeah bro,” Matty grinned. “C’mon bro, fuck me with that hot nerd cock!”

I stood up from the chair. He could see I was tenting in my jeans, painfully hard at the thought of my new fuckbuddy. Not quite boyfriend material, but who cared... he was exactly what I needed.

“You want this?” I asked, unbuttoning my baggy jeans. I kicked off my shoes and let my jeans drop to the floor. He was practically drooling at the outline of my cock through my boxer briefs.

“Yeah bro,” he panted. “Yeah, that’s what I want. Gimme that nerd cock!”

I stepped behind him and pulled down my underwear. Holy shit, I couldn’t believe how lucky I’d gotten. And Matty was having the time of his life too! I was about to fuck a guy for the first time... but we’d fucked dozens of times already... hadn’t we?

I pushed my cock inside of him, slicing through him like a hot knife through butter.

“Ooooohhh...” he moaned, practically collapsing on the desk in front of me.

I held onto his waist and started to move my body, each thrust hitting him like an atomic blast.

“Yeah baby,” he cried out. “Fuck my jock ass!”

“How dumb are you bro?” I smirked. Matty was seriously into feeling dumb.

“I’m so fuckin’ dumb bro,” he babbled. “I’m just like... a horny idiot and you’re like... a... like... a total smart college bro. You’re like Einstein or whatever bro! I just wanna take your sexy nerd cock up my dumb jock hole!”

That turned me on so much. I couldn’t believe I’d never fucked a guy before – it felt so natural, especially using my nerd cock on a dumb jock like Matty. I realized I was starting to forget about my old roommate... I was giving in to the new reality. Matty had always been a gymbro fuckboy... and he was mine to ride.

I was almost ready to burst when I heard a noise at the door. A small part of my brain recognized it – a key turning in the lock.

“Oh shit,” I said, starting to hyperventilate. “Someone’s coming!”

“Don’t stop!” Matty gasped under me. He didn’t need to say anything like that, I was too close to stop anyway. There was no way I was letting his jock ass free.

“Oh fuck bro, I’m cumming!” Matty screamed as the door swung open. I felt my cock going wild, pulsing inside of him while his ass gripped around it tightly. I was out of control, filling his ass with cum until it started leaking out around my cock.

We collapsed on the desk, sweaty and breathing hard.

“Well,” Matt’s old professor said, staring at us in shock. “I have to admit, this is quite the surprise.”

I dove for my boxer briefs, trying to cover up as fast as I could. Now that I’d blown my load inside Matty... shit, I couldn’t believe we just did that. My head was clearing fast and my face flushed red with embarrassment.

“Oh hey dude,” Matty said, standing up and giving the professor a friendly grin. I couldn’t believe how confident he was – he planted his hands on his hips and grinned, his cock still leaking cum onto the floor. His beefy body was on full display.

“I’m sorry... is that Matt?” the professor asked, looking at my muscular fuckbro.

“Matty,” he said, raising his arms into a double-bicep pose proudly. “I’m like... I’m just visiting, but... do I know you bro? I work at a couple of strip places, so maybe...?”

“No,” the professor said, shaking his head slowly. “I’m afraid we met somewhere else...”

He looked at the mess of papers on the floor and then stared me straight in the eye.

“Please,” he said. “Tell me you didn’t break my laptop. Obviously you’ve been using it tonight.”

I scrambled to put on pants while the professor went to pick up his laptop. He tapped a key and the screen glowed brightly.

“Hmmm...” the professor said, staring at the equation. “Matty, come look at this. The human equation. It doesn’t just describe your past or your present – it’s your future too.”

Matty ambled over, still naked. He put his hands on the professor’s neck and started to massage his tense muscles. After a few moments he leaned forward and took a look.

“Sorry bro, I don’t get that math shit,” Matty said with a chuckle.

“Here’s you before your changes,” the professor explained, pressing a few buttons and showing Matty a graph. “Look at that,” he said. “An honours thesis, grad school, a PhD, even tenure... you would have had quite the accomplished life.”

I tugged on my t-shirt and stood beside them, trying to follow along.

“But now,” he said, flipping to another graph. “It looks like you’ve topped out already.”

“Actually,” Matty chuckled. “I’m a bottom. Wanna take a ride?”

The professor swivelled his chair and stared me down.

“You did this to him?” he asked.

I nodded guiltily. It was just sinking in... now that my libido was satisfied, I felt a surge of remorse. Matt’s whole life had been reshaped by my changes, and his future too...

“Well, obviously this is my fault,” the professor said, shaking his head sadly. “I shouldn’t have shown my research to anyone yet. And you know too much about it now... so I think it’s only fair if you share in Matty’s fate.”

“What?” I said, backing away. Was he really saying...

“I’m going to apply the same set of transformations to your equation,” the professor said. His tone was so matter of fact that it chilled my blood. “The world will have two more idiots running around, but at least you won’t report me to the ethics board. Here.”

He pressed a button and the blue beam of light jumped out and struck me. I saw a flash of light and –

– no way, I couldn’t get in trouble. Coach would have my ass if I got booted off the team, and besides –

Another flash of light.

– just cause I hate this class, I still wanna pass it, right? If I gotta take it again, that’s gonna seriously cut into my gym time. I flexed a meaty bicep... yeah, that’s what life’s all about just gettin’ big –

Another flash.

– and havin’ FUN! Seriously bro, the frat’s like... my life, and this stupid prank wasn’t worth getting kicked out because –

The light flashed again.

– cuz I’m just soooo fuckin’ horny. If Matty wasn’t so hot, I wouldn’t have followed his ass into the math building and –

One last flash of light.

– college is so fuckin’ dumb anyway. I mean, yeah... it’s full of hotties, but like... all I wanna think about is fuckin’ and suckin’. Bro, I was so fuckin’ horny, even tho I already railed Matty’s ass.

I mean... it’s like... super not weird for me tho. I’m such a horndawg, I can’t keep my dick in my pants for like an hour or two. A bro like me is built to fuck... for real bro, why else would I have all this muscle? I mean, like... I love the gym, but I loved how I looked even more.

The professor was sitting in his chair, staring at me like I was some kind of circus freak. And bro, I get that – I’m 235 and 6 foot 1. You don’t see a lotta guys like me walking around. I’m hot and I know it – that’s why I’m all about the tight fits.

Like today I was going commando, letting my cock go tight against a pair of rugby shorts. My bro Matty likes to wear tanks that show off his pecs – I figure why bother... I just don’t wear a shirt. Then I’m always on display. I got a pair of rainbow Nike sneakers and a some nice pink ankle socks that make the look work.

Matty’s gotta dress conservative tho... he works as a stripper and his boss don’t like it when he gives away the goods. I’m in porn tho, so for me it’s just free advertising.

“I think that’ll do the trick,” this professor guy said, staring at my pecs and grinning. “It looks like you were already a little dumber than Matt, and a whole hell of a lot gayer. The end result seems to work though.”

“Bro, I’m like... so gay,” I laughed. “You’re hot bro... nerds are like... totally hot!”

“And you’re not my type,” the professor shrugged. “So are you boys going to leave... or do I have to call security?”

“Relax bro, we’re gonna go” Matty said, tugging at my arm. He was back in his jeans and his tank – I guess I didn’t notice him getting dressed. I was so distracted flexing my sick biceps bro...

“Later bro,” I grinned, giving the professor a wink as Matty hurried me away.

Matty took the lead, walking us out of the building and back towards our apartment. We had to walk all the way across the college – and bro, we kept passing all these college guys that were like... total studs.

“Smart guys are like... totally hot,” I said, staring at one guy’s ass. He was a little guy, with nerdy glasses and a Star Wars t-shirt. “We should take him home!”

“Sometimes I wish I was smart,” Matty said absently. “Like... those guys are gonna do such cool stuff, and I’m just like... a fuck machine bro. Like.. don’t you ever wanna be smart?”

“Nah bro,” I laughed dumbly. “I just wanna be hot... and bro, we’re like... so hot!”

“Yeah,” Matty grinned. He slapped my ass with a meaty hand and we walked side by side for a while, checking out the hotties. Dudes carrying books. Bros with glasses. We saw a bunch of dudes go into the library and bro... I almost shot my load!

Being smart had to be like... so hot.