WELCOME, BLASEBALLERS

I desperately need to sleep, so here are the four things you need to know about An Airport for Aliens Currently Run by Dogs and the people who make it, Blaseball fans:

1) YOU CAN PET ANY DOG AT ANY TIME WITH AN INFINITE NUMBER OF HANDS

Why an infinite number of hands, you ask? Why does every press of the pet button spawn a simultaneous hand from an alternate dimension to pet the heck out of a pupper, as many times as they deserve; a number which is also infinite?

Because we aren't hacks.

This is the best damn open-world comedy adventure game about stock photo dogs running a universe of simulated airports that you'll ever play.

2) I MAKE STUFF THAT ISN'T DOG AIRPORT GAME

Sometimes, it's a comic that pulls at your heartstrings. Other times, it's a Twitter thread that will haunt you. I'm the narrative director on games including SkateBIRD and Hypnospace Outlaw, I ran a column for PC Gamer magazine for two years... I work as a writer, game developer, and all-around problem solver across mediums and genres, to make kinder, stranger worlds.

Supporting this Patreon enables me to continue bringing my wild perspective to projects across multiple industries, whether I direct them or not. And yeah, for the right amount of money, I'll get your dog in the stuff I'm creating at Strange Scaffold - because I am a hack. A talented one, with very good collaborators.

Looking forward to doing business with you.

3) WE'VE GOT A BLASEBALL DOG

This is a pup owned by one of the developers at The Game Band - developers of Blaseball! He's got an idea for a brand new sport: one that has DOGS and PEANUTS and BLOOD. The best sport ever. The Great Game. I refer, of course, to Blasedog. If you help him fund his dreams, he'll hand you an item that is incredibly, horribly impractical - and delightful for that very reason.

Look into those eyes. The joy, and hope, and practicality of this incredible dog. Would you disappoint this good boy, by not playing either of the games he's associated with, or by not funding his hot new athletic startup? Would you let him down in his time of need?

WOULD YOU?

4) ORPHANAGES BOUNCE

This one is self-explanatory, really.

In all seriousness, Blaseball has been a giant part of me staying sane in 2020. I'm thankful to be able give back - and to be interacting with you lovely folks as well.

Enjoy your fight against (at least one) god!!

--Xalavier