CoS Chapter 38

29 BBY

Lothal was much the same as Asajj remembered it, bucolic and charming. The sparsely populated world had a single city with a population greater than a million, its agrarian people spread out over vast distances, working golden fields and guiding giant herds across the warm, verdant landscape. The herd beasts outnumbered the population, who’s highest concern in the Galaxy was meaningless disputes with their local councils about matters so inane that they were utterly incomprehensible to offworlders like her. Sat in the shadow of Mon Cal, and supplying that heavily populated ocean world with excess foodstuffs, Lothal was one of the safest and most peaceful planets in the entire Outer Rim. 

Asajj couldn’t help but wonder why the ancient Jedi had chosen to build their Way Temple here? Was it just because of the world’s Force Nexus, or maybe it meant that the Jedi were once much more present throughout the Galaxy? Either way, it was a huge commitment of resources for a world that had never been at the centre of anything. The Way Temple itself was disguised as a large natural stone formation, which made it seem almost like a bunker of some kind. Had the Jedi planned to come and hide here if the Sith won some ancient war?

“This is it.” Asajj said, slowing the speeder down and parking it in the shadow of the Temple to shelter it from the blazing heat of the high summer sun. She turned in her seat to look at Tan’ya. “Nervous?” 

The youngling gave the large rock formation an annoyed look. “We came all the way here for this?”

The journey here from Serenno had been a long one, down the Hydian to the Salin Corridor, all the way across to the Perlemmian, up almost to the end of the Perlemean, before turning off in the direction of Mon Cal. They were practically in Wild Space, but for the tiny little hyperlane of Prousley’s Rim Run, that connected the few sparsely populated and remote sectors close to the Galaxy’s edge. The journey had taken an entire week, which was time Tan’ya was itching to get back to Serenno, to continue her work with the military. 

Asajj could sympathise, but this was too important to ignore. She would rather be at the New Temple, or on Phindar, winning over a few more Younglings for the school or a few more Knights to train them. In this case, Asajj had decided it was best to lead by example. All those Younglings would have to become Padawans one day, and Asajj would do her best to be a good role model by training Tan’ya into a fine Jedi. The Knight’s of the New Temple couldn’t just be the rejects of other Orders, they had to be able to train and prepare the next generation as well. 

“The Temple will only reveal itself to a pair, the Padawan and their Master.” Asajj smiled, hopping out of the speeder, and after a few moments Tan’ya jumped out behind her. “Help me raise it up.”

Working together, the two of them were easily able to lift the stone formations up from the ground. What once looked like nothing but a solid rock had lifted to reveal a single entrance, with darkness beyond. The Temple settled into place, a staircase coming to a stop right before the two of them.

Remembering her time in the Temple, Asajj cast a sympathetic glance at Tan’ya. “The Jedi who built this aren’t like the ones on Coruscant.” She explained as they walked up the steps, her leading the way. “It will test you, and it was, uh… it was a lot. You need to overcome the Dark Side, to leave.”

“What does that mean?” Tan’ya demanded.

Asajj fell silent as they stepped through the archway into the central chamber, and Tan’ya blinked in surprise at the body of an ancient Jedi, sitting cross legged with his back to the entrance. “It means that I will wait here for you, until you return.” Asajj answered softly, gathering up the nervous butterfly in her own stomach, before breathing out to let it go. The Light Side washed over her, and she sat down next to the desiccated corpse. “I will be communing with the Force, which will allow you to take the test. If you do not succeed, then I will remain here until I die.”

“This is barbaric.” Tan’ya muttered.

“...It’s your choice whether to continue or not,” Asajj explained. “If you don’t think you have what it takes to become a Jedi, then we can go home and I can talk to your Father.”

“I didn’t say I wouldn’t do it.” Tan’ya grumbled. “What does it mean to overcome the Dark Side?”

“Fear, Anger, and Hate.” Asajj said. “You have to overcome these things or we will remain here forever. The Force knows what’s in your heart, and what’s in your memories. Don’t think you can trick it.”

Tan’ya considered the gateway for a long time. Though she didn’t lower her mental shields, it was clear she was nervous, which surprised Asajj. She’d never seen the girl scared before, Tan’ya was always energetic and eager to learn, involving herself in any system she came across.

“It’s okay to be nervous.” Asajj said.

“...It knows what’s in my mind?”

“Yes.”

“...Will it share that with you?”

“No.” 

Now Asajj was curious about what was inside Tan’ya’s mind that she was worried about sharing. It wasn’t her business to pry, but she didn’t think Tan’ya could have any dark secrets, given her relatively sheltered upbringing.

“What did it show you?” Tan’ya asked Asajj.

“It’s a little private.” Asajj replied. “...It was scenes from my past. When I was most afraid, and angry. When I came here, I remembered nothing of the one I hated most, but the Temple showed me. When I was sold into slavery, my people made me drink a potion that blocked my memories so I couldn’t share any of my people’s secrets. But the Force lifted that veil, and revealed to me the one who had betrayed me. Talzin.”

Tan’ya considered Asajj for a while. “...Alright. I can do this.” She said.

Asajj watched as the young Padawan squared her shoulders, and walked forward through the stone arch. It was a few moments before she disappeared out of view, when Asajj closed her eyes, began to meditate, and lost herself to the currents of the Force.

----

AD 1987 

Showa Era

A young boy sat alone in a large apartment, cross legged before the television. On the screen, Goku climbed up the long pillar to Corrin’s tower, and the boy couldn’t suppress his hunger much longer. Despite the excitement on screen, he kept glancing at the clock on the wall, thinking of his father. 

It was already 6:30, but he was still hoping his dad would make it home that night, with a bag of convenience store bentos for the both of them to share. It didn’t have to be much, but anything would do. With careful steps, the boy stood up and walked towards the phone hanging on the wall, looking at the notepad beneath it where his father’s number was written beneath the words: EMERGENCIES ONLY.

The boy picked up the phone, looking at the numbers on the pad, before deciding against it. He sighed, hung up, and went into the kitchen. He took out a meal from the freezer, and heated it up in the microwave, before sitting down to eat it in front of the TV. He kept watching the television, while glancing at the time, hoping his father would be home soon. Eventually the episode ended, and with no sign of his father, the boy gave up. He turned off the tv, threw the food wrappers into the bin, and ran into his room.

As he lay in bed, he bitterly reflected on the truth. It didn’t matter what promises his father made, the man was too weak to keep them. Whether it was being on time, coming to a birthday, or even making time to call, the boy’s father would always be under his manager’s thumb. The man would work a ninety hour week, most of it unpaid overtime, and never once would he utter a word of complaint to his boss, all in the vein hope of a promotion that would never come. Even if the promotion did come, the hours he worked would only increase.

The boy would know, because when he grew up, he would inflict the same fate on those beneath him. Shaming, bullying, name calling, peer pressure, anything to keep himself above the office drone class. When finally the position opened up in HR, the chance to hold the whip hand over even the floor managers, he jumped at the chance. These hierarchies didn’t reward hard work, they punished it with more work. The way to rise through the ranks was to not think, to not feel, but to jump at opportunities, and push aside those in front of you.

Don’t grow attached. Don’t look at names. Focus on yourself. Focus on things you can control. That was how he did it. How he would do it. How he would avoid the pathetic fate of his worthless father.

The boy rolled over onto his side, staring at his own reflection in his bedroom window. In the distance he saw the train rolling out of station, and remembered it was where he would meet his own fate. Murdered, by a man whose name he didn’t remember.

He swallowed nervously, rolling back over to look up at his roof.

His dream was to retire into peace and comfort, but instead he would be condemned to an eternity of war and toil. Whether it was this first life, clawing for each and every promotion, taking credit for the work of others and foisting his duties onto the weak willed, or the second where an entire world was committed to a pointless war just to punish him for speaking the truth.

It was even worse, in his third life. It wouldn’t just be a world, or a nation in battle with another, but a Galaxy of trillions of sentients, all setting themselves against his future family. What was the point of it all? Why keep fighting when it would only be taken away?

Why did it matter if her family was dragged away in chains to become hostages and puppets? Why should she care if the 203rd was slaughtered? 

Why would he care if his father never came home? It was foolish to hope the man would ever grow a spine. That he would stand proud, stand tall, and demand time off to be with his family. And there was no way that his father would ever quit, when he was so pathetically broken.

No, he wouldn’t be like that useless man. He wouldn’t back down, or surrender, or give up. He had a dream, a vision of peace, of security. A chance to be better, and do better.

The boy would not give up, just because his father had. If only he’d known as a youth what he learned as an adult later in life. If he could just talk with his father, explain to the dead eyed office drone that he was doing nothing, achieving only his own suffering. That maybe the man didn’t have what it took to rise through the ranks, but he did have his own potential, talents that he earned with hard work. Maybe the man could be happier with a smaller apartment, running his own business, setting his own hours. Working less, making less, but at least spending time with his son.

Could the boy convince him of that? Was it too late to change?

Swallowing down the nervous lump in his throat, the boy stood and came back out to the living room. Surprised at his own nervousness, he picked up the phone, and dialled. The sound of ringing from outside the door caused the boy to look up. Surprised, he watched as the lock turned, and his father stepped through the door.

“Son?” The man blinked, taking off his glasses, and rubbing the indentations at the top of his nose. Beneath his eyes black bags hung, and he stunk of freshly applied deodorant, trying to hide the smell of cigarettes. “You’re still up?”

“Yes. Yes, I’m still up, and we need to talk.” The boy replied. “You’re killing yourself for nothing, and I’m not going to stand by and watch it happen anymore.”

----

Unified Year 1927

Rain pelted Tanya Degeurechaff, thick droplets spattering off her already soaking flight suit to drip down to the waves crashing beneath her. The seas rolled in the storm, dark undulating masses of waves pounding and moving, as if eager to claim her should she fall. 

Beneath her, a tiny set of lights were just barely visible as it rolled and bobbed with the waves. Behind her, what remained of her Airborne Division flew behind her in a loose formation, only visible to each other at all thanks to the glow of their computation orbs.

“Major, we need to land!” Her radio crackled.

She considered the idea, then decided against it. They shouldn’t be too far from shore at this point, with just a few hours of extra flying, they could find somewhere to recuperate in the Empire. Conditions were unpleasant, and even dangerous, but they should have enough mana to make it.

Besides, what if that was an enemy ship? All it would take is a single radio transmission to doom them all.

“We don’t know if that’s one of ours.” She answered. “Keep flying.”

“I don’t think we’re gonna make it, Ma’am!”

“We’re not far now.” Tanya replied, feeling her temper rising, but keeping her voice calm. “If that’s an enemy ship, they could call the Albish mages down on us. We have to keep going.”

She waited for a reply, but there was none. It seemed like the conversation was over, when all of a sudden one of the lights floating behind her broke formation and swooped down towards the ship.

“Get back in formation!” Tanya barked through the radio. “Soldier! That’s an order!”

The man didn’t reply though.

There was a long silence, as the group waited to find out if the ship represented their salvation or their doom. Tanya felt her own heart thudding against her breast as she realised that this stupid fool of a soldier had probably damned them all. 

“It’s the Kriegsmarine!” The soldier called over the radio, relief and joy in his voice. “Guys, we can shelter here!”

Tanya snarled some curses to herself, half wishing that the man was dead for his foolishness, but also knowing that he might just have saved them. 

Defeat became inevitable when the Allied Kingdom finally announced their entrance to the war. Even before that, the Kaiser’s enemies were all being funded by the island kingdom, and there were plenty of Albish mages serving as volunteers among the Francois and the Russy. The Kaiser was slowly ground down by a war on two fronts, and it became clearer and clearer that victory was improbable at best. The already bleak situation was made worse by the Royal Navy’s blockade, starving the warmachine of vital resources at a crucial moment. 

So a plan was hatched, a desperate one. If the Kriegsmarine could encircle a small part of the Royal Navy, and sink it, then return to port safely, the Albish would be forced to reconsider their blockade. The obvious problem was that the Albish Navy was more than twice the size of the Imperial one, and Albish spies were spread all through the Empire. It seemed just as likely that instead of a portion of the Albish Navy being destroyed, it would be the Kriegsmarine getting sent to the bottom of the ocean.

It was the kind of operation that if successful, would at best buy the Empire more time, and at worst, would see it defeated completely. When presented with the plan, Tanya had advised against the operation. 

The Albish Navy had always been that nation’s military priority, and their Marine Mage Division had been untouched by the entirety of the war. Though the marine mages were inexperienced, they would be fighting in numbers that the Kaiser couldn’t hope to match without sacrificing his other fronts. It would take a miracle for the Imperials to win.

Well, that ended up being what high command had demanded of her, and now here she was miracle-less. The first part of the plan, encircling and destroying a portion of the Royal Navy, had gone smoothly, but it wasn’t long at all until it became clear that the Royal Navy was now encircling the entire Kriegsmarine!

What followed was chaos, and panic. Ship batteries lit up the night as swarms of mages exchanged fire above the fleet. Tanya and her men hadn’t been able to support the battling ships much, because they were desperately trying to survive an enemy force that was better equipped for naval operations and outnumbered them by a significant margin. Finally the Admiral had given the order to make a breakout attempt, aiming to rally once they got closer to the Empire, and Tanya had ordered her mages to follow her as she punched her way through mage marines to freedom.

Now, as her exhausted and weary men began to set down on what seemed like a small Imperial destroyer, Tanya finally had a chance to count what remained of her men. It didn’t take long.

Of every ten mages who had followed her out that night, only three were still alive. Tanya grit her teeth, cursing the Kaiser in her mind, cursing the Admiral who oversaw this disaster, cursing herself for not refusing the order, even if it meant getting shot. 

Her cursing came to a sudden halt, when she finally found Viktoria, her left leg missing beneath the knee. Somehow she’d managed to wrap a tourniquet on the injury and keep fighting, the bleeding slowed by the freezing air high above the Atlantic Ocean. 

Tanya hurried over to her. “Lieutenant.” She said, and tried to shake her shoulder. Viktoria was pale, and shivering. Cold from a mixture of blood loss and a wet flight suit. “Get her below deck!” Tanya yelled! “Find her somewhere warm!”

Some of the burlier mages buried to follow her orders, as a voice said, “It’s a good thing I dropped down to check the ship.”

Tanya spun on the spot, her eyes locking on a fresh faced young teen, barely fifteen. He was new to the airborne, so much so that Tanya didn’t even remember his name at that moment.

Seeing the expression on Tanya’s face, the teen added, “The Lieutenant wouldn’t have been able to fly much longer, if I didn’t check. Sir.”

Without even thinking, her hand undied the clip on her pistol holster, and the soldier gaped as she drew on him.

“How many times do you fools have to ruin everything!” She snarled. “You won’t listen! You never listen! No matter how blindingly obvious the truth is, no matter what reason or logic would dictate, you just do as you please and drag me down to hell with you!” 

“Major, I-”

“Shut up!” She snarled at him. “I should shoot you! It would be pointless, it would achieve nothing, but for a moment at least I would draw the satisfaction of making a fool suffer the consequences of his impulsive actions!”

She pointed the pistol at him, feeling the weight of it in her hands, but after a moment she lowered the gun. “This is it, Gentlemen. Tonight we’ve lost the war. The naval blockade will slowly choke our industries down to nothing, as our people starve and the enemy armies slowly draw closer and closer Baerun. Russy soldiers will rape the women and plunder all of value, while the Francois will impose all blame for the war on us. Some of you here will even be made to stand trial, for the same crimes that our enemies committed against us.”

“None of this is your fault, or mine. Like me, you’ve all done your utmost on every occasion. Delivering victory after impossible victory, time and time again, only for the incompetence of other men to condemn us all to this miserable fate. I had a perfect, unbroken streak of victories under my belt, and for the first time I have what is a clear, indisputable loss to be tallied against me at the last moment. How can I pretend that it doesn't annoy me?”

She looked around her, at the strange, unmoving faces of all her men. They weren’t real. They were merely projections conjured up by the Temple. With a snarl Tanya pitched the pistol overboard.

----

Unified Year 1937

A bag of groceries in hand, Tanya paused at the crosswalk as she watched the traffic lights change from yellow to red. There wasn’t even a second between arriving at this scene, and recognising where she was. This was the Gulf Coast of the Unified States, the state of Tehas. Beautiful, sunny, and booming ever since the end of the Great War. 

It hadn’t been hard for Tanya to escape the lengthy postwar trials based on the simple argument she was a child, and never anything but a helpless conscript under other men’s thumbs. Moving to the Unified States had been the obvious choice, rather than risk getting caught in some kind of repeat of the Weimar Republic. Tanya read the news often, and it didn’t seem like post war Germania had fared very well after having its Kaiser deposed and a Republic instituted at the end of a bayonet.  

These days, Tanya was working for an engineering firm, putting herself through university while participating in research, designing and improving computation orbs for mages. Despite everything that had happened, a bright future awaited her. The workload was hard, but it wouldn’t be too long until she finally had the life of peace and prosperity that she’d dreamed of since childhood.

Except she knew that wouldn’t be the case. Tanya turned around, putting her back to the road and looking across the sidewalk at what she knew was coming. A familiar face, seen only a few times in battlefield situations, mouth twisted up in a hateful sneer as she pointed a small revolver at Tanya. This wasn’t how it happened in real life, Tanya had been crossing a sidewalk when she was shot in the back, but in this vision she was able to turn and look upon her murderer.

Mary looked gaunt, haggard, and her once pretty features had been ruined by a broken nose and a handful of missing teeth. How did she get here? How far had she traveled to find Tanya? How had she tracked her down? Tanya didn’t know, maybe the Force didn’t either, but here Mary was in this stupid vision, finally ready to sate her obsession for revenge. 

Grimacing and rolling her eyes, Tanya grunted with pain as she was shot and fell onto her back. She lay there bleeding out, glaring up at the fading sky.

“So that’s it then?” She demanded. “You expect me to overcome my hate for the woman that killed me? Is that it?”

There was no answer.

“Fear, then anger, and now hate? You expect me to forgive her? The problem is I never hated her. She was pathetic, self-destructive, a secondary cause. Nothing but a puppet of Being X. I don’t hate Mary, I promise. Can we finally move on from these worthless visions?”

Again there was no answer. Tanya sat up, looking around at the crowd of spectators who’d formed around her, many looking shocked and horrified, as they were all frozen in place. Beyond them, Mary was frozen as she exalted triumphantly, throwing both hands up in the air even as she was being wrestled to the ground by a pair of bystanders.

“Pathetic.” A voice replied, a familiar, grinding, alien voice. Tanya turned, to see one of the onlookers had spoken, his lips moving even as the rest of him was frozen in place. “You’re still nothing but a selfish murderer in the end. Even as you face justice for your actions, you think my servant requires your forgiveness.”

“Being X!” Tanya snarled. “It’s about time you showed your…” She trailed off. “Oh, that’s clever. You almost had me going there, Temple. For a moment I believed that might be the real Being X.”

“Oh, blasphemous wretch.” The fake Being X snarled, now from the mouth of a woman, covering her eyes and nearly fainting from the blood. “What do you think this Temple is? A god in its own right? It was never anything but a channel for the Force.”

“No, I don’t believe you.” Tanya replied. “This is just a vision. The only thing in here that’s real is me.”

“That’s just another way to proclaim yourself a god.” Being X answered, speaking now from the mouth of a passing taxi driver. “You really don’t think much at all about things that don’t concern you. The Force, an omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent being, that guides all living things? That’s just another word for God, another one of my many names. Allah, Jehovah, Yahweh, Sol Invictus, or Deus. The list goes on, and on. I am, that I am, and what you name me is irrelevant. You’re here in my Temple, dedicated to me.”

“Liar.” Tanya answered. “You were never a god. You’re just the devil, here to torment me.”

“Call me what you like, it means the same thing. I’m here to extract my due from you. How did Palpatine take control of the Senate? I gave him the power he needed. Why did your father decide to get married so late in life? Because I planted the idea in his head. Why would Maul target your family? Because I fanned the flames of revenge in his heart.”

“How dare you!” Tanya snarled, grimacing at the pain her bullet wound cause. With agonising slowness, she forced herself to her feet, ignoring the hot fluid seeping down the front of her shirt. She pointed her finger at him, accusing. “You sent the assassin! Not me! You shot me in the back! Not Mary. You pushed me in front of a train! You started a World War! You’re going to start a Galactic War? WHY?! Because I won’t pretend to owe you reverence?!”

Suddenly Mary herself surged forward, effortlessly breaking free of the men holding her in place, her eyes glowing gold. With unnatural strength she seized Tanya’s throat, and lifted her into the air, screaming in that eldritch voice, “You will bow down and worship me, even if it takes a million lifetimes, and countless loved ones. You will break! I have an eternity to torment you!”

“No you don’t.” Tanya laughed, wincing at the pain as her body was jostled. “The first time we met, all it took was one insult for you to lose patience with me. You don’t have an eternity, you have until you give up.”

Being X’s puppet froze.

“You won’t defeat me, because at your heart, you’re weak. Soft. You can’t accept hardship, or face even a hint of pushback. You just whine and whine about how the universe is unfair, without even an ounce of the willpower it would take to change yourself, to fix the situation you created. All that power, but it’s still not enough, right?” Tanya chuckled. 

Stunned, Being X dropped her. “Shut up!” Mary’s face snarled. “Don’t talk to your creator like that!” 

“You’re not my creator!” Tanya laughed. “You never could be! You’re not god! I said it the first time I met you, I wasn’t fooled. A real god, one who could have made the universe billions of years ago, painstakingly placing every atom and molecule, defining every one of the countless parameters of the laws of physics, who watched over it all, carefully nudging it hear and there, to finally give birth to mankind from the seed of apes? That could never be you. You are, and always have been nothing but a liar, trying to take credit for the work of your betters. If god exists, he could never be a lying parasite like you.”

Finally, Tanya looked the stunned puppet in the face. “You’re not worthy of my hatred. I will handle the threat that you represent, dismiss you from my mind, then move on.”

29 BBY

Tan’ya opened her eyes, looking around to find herself standing in the doorframe she’d just passed through a moment ago. She felt hungry, like hours had passed instead of seconds.

Sitting cross legged before her, Asajj also opened her eyes, looking up to see her new Padawan return. “You did it!” Standing up slowly, Asajj winced and grabbed her stomach. “How long did it take? I’m starving.”

“I don’t know.” Tan’ya replied, reaching for holocom, but finding something else in her pocket. When she took it out, sitting in her hands was a golden gem the size of a walnut.

----

“Master, I’ve found her where you said she’d be, but…”

“But what?” 

“She’s not… doing well.”

That was an understatement. The Undercity orphan was living in a filthy alleyway, with duracrete slugs crawling over the walls and stone mites growing from every crack. Conduit worms had completely encased the nearby wiring, parasitically feeding off the areas of electricity, and draining the overhead bulb that should have illuminated the alleyway of its power. The foul smell of the breeding insects had the acolyte glad he was wearing a breathing mask, for what little protection it offered.

This far into the Undercity, the air was hazy with fumes. Normally plasma gas would burn without leaving a scent, but a bad fuel line could mix in all kinds of other stuff, leaving everything down here choked with poisonous smoke.

The orphan girl seemed to recognise that at least somewhat. The rag she had wrapped around her face smelled of urine, and her decrepit little hideout was littered with food scraps she’d managed to steal. For a bed she’d managed to drag away a shipping pallet to keep her off the ground, and line it with a collection of missing clothes. She was filthy, and her breath whistled in her lungs from obvious damage.

“She’s not in great condition, Master.” The acolyte said. “Are you sure she’s the one you want?”

“Yes. She has a potential that no one else has seen.” There was a pause, then the Master added, “Show her to me.”

The patrolmen leaned closer, taking the orphan into the radius of his glowing holocom. Its blue light reflected off her large, pale eyes, as she fearfully huddled deeper into the alley’s corner. 

“Are you hurt, little one?” The Master asked.

“You shouldn’t help.” Mary whimpered, eyes falling to the floor. “There’s something wrong with me. I didn’t mean to kill them, but… I was so scared, and angry.” She swallowed once, raising her eyes to look at the Master. “I’m a monster.”

The Master’s eyes seemed to gleam brighter. “What’s your name, little one?”

She looked stunned by the question. It took a long time for her to answer, as though until that moment she hadn’t spoken with anyone since the minute her parents died. “...Mary.” She swallowed, then answered. “My name is Mary.” 

“....Goooood.”