The Reluctant Ranger Chapter 68 - Break

A throbbing head was the first thing that pierced the fog of Nicole’s mind, the familiar ache doing more to tell her what had happened than any groggy memory ever could.  She’d overdrawn and was in the ship’s medbay getting treated for the physical symptoms.  Something about that felt wrong, but for the moment she would let the fog disperse a bit before trying to think too deeply on it. 

“She’s waking up!” 

That voice…  Why was Grace on the ship?  Forcing an eye open, Nicole was pleasantly surprised that the lights were dim and she didn’t get a blinding light that split her skull open.  Small mercies.  One figure hovered over her, cloaked in darkness with a glowing halo of pale light illuminating the space behind them.

Familiar blonde hair fell into the light and Nicole couldn’t help the smile that crept onto her face at the sight.  Then something warm dripped down onto her cheek before a heavy weight crashed into her and squeezed tightly. 

“You idiot,” Grace said.  “Why do you keep trying to die like that?” 

“Well, if at first you don’t succeed,” Nicole said, then winced at the sharp pain of a knuckle between two ribs.  “Ow, regret!” 

“Damn right you better,” Grace said, pulling back.  The lights were a bit brighter now, but still dim enough to not overwhelm.  “I’m getting sick and goddamn tired of all these close calls.” 

The bottom dropped out of Nicole’s stomach at the harshness of those words.  The chastisement was deserved, but Nicole couldn’t just leave it at that.  Nobody else had moved to help her friend, and Nicole refused to stand idle and watch someone die, not when she could prevent it. 

“Maraline would have died otherwise.” 

“Yes,” Grace snapped.  “But I’m not dating her, I’m dating you!  I care about you, not her.  Last time I saw her she was trying to kill us, so forgive me for not rushing to her aid at the first sign of danger.” 

“Uh, is this a bad time?”  Heads turned sharply at the voice, and Becca gave a weak wave from the door where Colin was helping her stand.  Becca smiled weakly as she continued.  “Gotta say, the medical tech here is amazing.  Aside from general fatigue, I’m feeling pretty good all things considered.” 

“Still barely able to walk,” Colin grumbled.  “You just refused to stay in bed once you heard Nicole was up.” 

“Yeah yeah,” Becca countered a bit petulantly.  “Still, did you know all of this is technically holographic?  It’s a literal holodeck!” 

“I am aware,” Nicole said, glad for the interruption but also well aware that the conversation was merely paused, not finished.  “I figure you’ll be neck deep in the shiny tech the moment that you’re able to stand on your own.” 

“I have already been fielding questions,” The Progenitor said.  “For now, rest and recover.  The knowledge has kept for thirty thousand years, it will wait another day.” 

“Spoilsport,” Becca said, sticking her tongue out. 

“Return to your beds and rest,” The Progenitor didn’t quite command, but the suggestion was heavy in his words.

Colin pulled Becca away, earning a sharp look from the plucky girl that had him rolling his eyes as they vanished around the corner.  A wall materialized where the door had once been, cutting Nicole and Grace off from the others and giving them proper privacy. 

“While I won’t pretend that I’m not able to listen to your conversation, I will give you the best semblance of privacy I can.” 

“Uh, thanks?” Nicole said. 

The silence in the now private room was heavy, and Nicole couldn’t help the nagging fear that had been building since Grace last spoke to her.  She didn’t want to ask, yet she needed to know… 

“Are,” Nicole swallowed heavily.  “Are you breaking up with me?” 

Grace paused as her eyes widened.  “Fuck no!  I just…”  All the fight seemed to leave her in an instant.  “I just wish you cared about your own well being as much as I care about you.  Isn’t it obvious that I don’t want to lose you?” 

Nicole opened her mouth, but the words wouldn’t come.  Grace watched her for a moment, waiting, but they never came.  Tears began to fall as she powered on.

“If you had done it to save me, I’d be mad but understand because I’d do much the same if it was you at risk.  A member of the team?  More anger, but still some understanding.  An enemy general who kidnapped you?  I don’t get it and I’m trying to not over react, and I know I’m failing at that.” 

The words landed like a physical blow and despite wanting to turn them around, to deny them, Nicole swallowed her response.  For the longest time she had been suicidal, she hid it well, even from herself at times.  That hadn’t really gone away when she became a Ranger, she just had a different outlet for it. 

Even without her ability to morph she continued to throw herself into danger and fight at the level of a Ranger even knowing she was outclassed.  That first mutant should have killed her.  Hell, Maraline could have killed her right then and there.  She’d demonstrated how much she held back during the battle with Bartran and Guiana.  Maraline was a fighter, a damn good one, and Nicole should have died in both encounters. 

The only reason she hadn’t was because Maraline cared about her, wanted her to live, which was where the growing trust between them was coming from.  Yet, Nicole wasn’t extending that same trust to Grace, was she?  Or rather, she was taking it all for granted.

Nicole couldn’t help but slump at the realization of how selfish she was being by trying to put everyone else first, or rather, herself last.  It would be one thing if she had nobody left, but even at her lowest point she still had Becca who would have grieved her loss.  That was the kicker of it all, death didn’t truly impact the one that died.  They were dead, so what did they care? 

It was those left behind who truly suffered.

People would mourn her, more now than ever before.  She had friends, teammates, and someone who loved her.  Nicole’s vision wavered as she looked into her girlfriend’s eyes, the tears still falling from them as Grace struggled to keep herself composed, waiting for an answer.

The dam burst and Nicole fell into gut wrenching sobs. 

She really had fucked it all up and it wouldn’t be any wonder if Grace did try to break up with her over it.  That she insisted she wasn’t remained the anchor that Nicole latched onto, that faint hope that she hadn’t screwed up the best thing to happen to her.  She needed to do better by Grace and not treat her own life as a fair trade for someone else’s. 

“I’m sorry,” Nicole said, even if it did come out a bit garbled. 

“You better be,” Grace countered, her voice cracking even as she let out another sob.  “I fucking love you, if you hadn’t realized.  I’m not about to lose you so soon after we found one another.” 

Nicole held her all the tighter, keeping the warmth within from bubbling up and making her embrace dangerous for her love.  How much of that was an actual risk wasn’t clear, Grace was fairly strong as it was, and enhanced as a Ranger besides, just not to the levels that Nicole found herself. 

“I love you too,” Nicole said once she was certain she wouldn’t crush her.  “I just…  I’ve been ready to die for so long, thinking of others before myself, yet I never really considered how dying might impact everyone else…” 

Grace looked up, and despite how puffy her eyes were, the glare was withering.  Point made, but Nicole wished she was given some slack.  Years of depression weren’t something that could be overcome with a single pep-talk and a pat on the back. 

Granted, Nicole never fully absorbed that when her therapist said it, but the words themselves still stuck with her.  Probably because it felt like a way to kick the can down the road when it came to blame and personal pity. 

“Oh god, Colin was right,” Nicole muttered.  “I do need therapy.” 

Grace snorted, shooting a bit of snot as she did that landed on Nicole’s pants.  Eh, sin forgiven.  That set them both into a fit of giggles that continued for several moments as they held each other close, just letting the tension and stress fade away, even if it was only temporary.

“We could probably all use someone to talk to,” Grace said after a moment, then something seemingly occurred to her.  “How about a new topic?” 

She wasn’t even attempting to hide what she was doing and Nicole certainly appreciated the gesture, answering her with a smile.  “I’m up for that if you are.” 

Grace then bit her lip, probably not realizing that she would need to be the one to come up with the topic when she threw the idea out there.  “After the whole rescue Sarah thing, it occurred to me that I don’t know much about your own family other than…” 

As she trailed off it clicked what exactly she was asking about.  Nicole’s blood family were all gone, most of them taken from her life by the Sylan.  Nicole didn’t talk about them often, as it poked at wounds that were still all too fresh in her mind.  Would going over some of the happier memories help? 

Well, it couldn’t hurt, and it wasn’t as though there were a bunch of them in the first place.

“There isn’t much to tell,” Nicole said with a shrug, which was countered with a glare so flat that it could be used as a functional unit of measurement.  “My parents and I weren’t close,” Nicole admitted with some reluctance.  “They weren’t abusive, they took good care of me, made sure I had everything I wanted.  Just not them.” 

Grace smiled in sympathy, even if her own story was worse, Nicole knew that it wasn’t a contest.  Empathy could still exist despite everything else. 

Grace’s voice was soft, comforting.  “What did they do for a living?”

“Dad worked as a contractor for the city,” Nicole said, then chuckled.  “Mom was a popular streamer, funny enough.  You might have seen some of her stuff, she was CookingQueen.” 

“No shit!?” Grace exclaimed, shooting up.  “I watched her stuff all the time, I still remember when—” She cut off, her face falling.  “When her account was updated as deceased.” 

“I couldn’t bring myself to post a video of myself,” Nicole whispered.  “I messaged the site, showed them the documents, then the bastards locked her account and kept everything she earned.” 

That was the kicker, when she was already down from losing her parents, everyone made a grab for the money.  None of Dad’s insurance policies paid out and they even held up his final paycheck.” 

“Isn’t that illegal?”

Nicole snorted.  “Like a girl who wasn’t even of age could fight it.  Sure, I got it all now but that wasn’t me, that was Sinclair greasing the wheels and paying me to keep fighting the good fight.” 

Grace didn’t ask how they died, just how they lived.  Nicole was grateful for that.  The memories of the phone calls, the confirmations that she had lost her last living family, it all hurt even though it was a year prior.  That pain hadn’t faded, and the emotional distance helped, but Nicole chose to focus on other things to distract her, letting herself spiral to avoid the pain. 

She couldn’t keep doing that, she needed to move forward, and Grace was someone who was there for her, a hand offered.

“Mom never let me appear on the show,” Nicole continued, getting back on the topic.

Grace snorted.  “Given what I’ve seen you do to instant ramen, I can’t blame her.” 

“Yeah, yeah,” Nicole said, fighting back a weak bit of laughter.  “Dad was usually too busy putting out fires, just not literally.  He did something with the power distribution, not that teenage me ever cared all that much.” 

Grace looked off to the side for a moment.  “Was there anything they did with you that has happy memories associated with it?” 

That did prompt a smile from Nicole. 

“The one thing we always made time for was the Renfaire.  They never skimped on letting me get gear so long as I was working towards a build of some type, nothing wasteful was the only rule.  I’d done the princess thing as a kid, but when it came time to start a new build, I picked knives and stealth.  I went Rogue.” 

“You certainly did,” Grace said with a grin.  “You grew up in Minneapolis, right?  I’m guessing you attended each year?” 

“Haven’t missed a one,” Nicole said.  “Came close a few years back during the plague, but we made it work, and it was part of why I picked Rogue.” 

“Masks do tend to be terribly comfortable,” Grace mused. 

Shaking her head, Nicole let herself relax against Grace as she began to tell the story behind her pouch, the original that had inspired it, and how it met a most ignoble end necessitating the replacement.  Grace laughed, and then started telling a story about how Sarah punched out another girl in grade school for calling a boy gay. 

The stories weren’t long, but they helped pass the time and dial down the tension from their earlier squabble.  Things weren’t perfect, but they had communicated their own perspectives.  That was a starting point and would hopefully grow into a better understanding, and maybe some less self-destructive inclinations on Nicole’s part. 

Well, a girl could certainly dream. 

A chime startled the pair out of their cozy moment as the door opened, revealing Sarah.  She looked less frazzled than she had in the bedroom, and had a fresh change of clothes that were modern and not the ancient tunics that Nicole had to wear during her own stay.  Maybe Becca had figured out a way to get The Progenitor’s database updated or something.  Or maybe she had packed that before they escaped.

“So, the creepy ghost in the machine voice asked me to bring this to you,” Sarah said, holding out a familiar red banded morpher.  “He said it has the teleportation thingy working and messed with the limiter?  That part went a bit over my head but that Becca girl seemed to get it.” 

“Whoa,” Grace said, slipping it back on her wrist.  “How does it all work?” 

A figure flickered into existence stepping with purpose as they did.  Sarah squeaked, taking a quick hop away from it even as she glared daggers at the hologram.  

“A minor feat of hacking, nothing more.  A complete rebuild will be required to take it further.  Unfortunately it would seem expediency will be more apt at this moment,” The Progenitor said.  “Your team is valiantly holding off the Sylan General, Guiana, but they are losing.” 

A screen appeared, floating in the air with nothing to support it.  It was far beyond anything she had heard Becca describe of Sinclair’s deeper labs when she was just a touch too drunk to school her words.  A local Minneapolis station had set up far above with a decent telephoto lens on their helicopter and they managed to capture the moment that Kayla was thrown back from the fight in a shower of sparks before Devon and Carlos could move to support her. 

“She’s back,” Nicole hissed, jumping to her feet.  “What are we waiting for?” 

“You to get back in bed,” Grace said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.  “I’ll go and support them, you need to rest.” 

“They’re up against fucking Guiana,” Nicole said, the horror in her voice growing as she watched Jeff get swatted from the sky mid dive.  Nicole spun, gesturing back at the screen.  “They’re going to be slaughtered if we don’t help them.” 

“I am going to help them!  You almost died an hour ago, you need to recover!” Grace shouted, but Nicole could see how her resolve wavered.  “Fuck.  I can’t…” 

As much as she wanted to scream, Nicole needed to take a step back and try to put Grace first, as hard as that was for her.  Self sacrifice came easy to Nicole, and it was killing her to not rush out and help her friends when needed, but she needed to reassure Grace that they were partners, that Nicole was going to listen to what she had to say. 

“I know,” Nicole said, pulling her into a hug.  “I won’t go without you, but they’re going to die without help.  They need us, but it’s your call.  I’m going to trust you to make the right call here, because I can’t trust my own judgment.” 

Grace bit her lip, the conflict warring within her.  Nicole felt horrible about passing the burden over to her like that, yet if they were going to move forward, it had to be done.  Nicole would throw herself into danger to help her friends, risk her life even when she should be resting.  Grace had a sense for self preservation that Nicole had neglected for far too long.  If anyone was level headed enough to make the call at this moment, it was Grace.

“We go together,” Grace said firmly.  “We go and get them to safety.”