Pain of ending a Live stream

Reality of it right now.

Sorry for being sad at the end guys, but it was a great last time. It was about 4 hours and I was like ok last song.... and my Stream Theme started playing and ...a flood of sad blasted my brain apart, just broke down and tried to just roll with it and take down some stuff live, messed that up while playing funny stuff to hide it but yeah you just get , weak when you end something.

The second I can stream again, I will.

There is still the phone app that let's you Twitch stream on phone, I tried it to start off the night but it was upside down...so twitch app fail. Flipping the phone did nothing, I deleted both those streams.

But thanks to my super long time friends and fam and supporters I was anle to keep doing this stuff. My characters and outfits cost money, but my backgrounds and music and setup is all time and effort and space. ✌️. Without that combo there's no show.

So I'm off and on using tissues and dripping on stuff I'm supposed to pack, and it's actually hard to rip stuff down, but I gotta move fast. Literally move, and I have no help to carry these heavy dressers and desks and shelves outside for people to pick up for free. That's my world now, with finding a job, home and doing it for disabled person as well.

double stab: because of my "money making " patreon and ebay sales last year, my medical insurance told me today they are ripping it away in 3 days. I'm mad, they cover essentials ONLY, meds so I can stand up and not pass out or fall asleep while sitting. Mad.

So right now, I have nothing...

That's what the real hurt is, from looking like I have this awsome show and have it al to reality of, nah , no we don't. we are thousands of dollars in debt, so .... 3$ a few times isn't worth losing insurance. Every bit does not count when it's the wrong way.

more side details if you want :

Patreon has been sucking so I might can patreon too and leave things to throne or some other way to get income where fees do not count against me. This state basically says if 2 people gave each other 100$, then that's "making" 100$ , they dont count any losses, counts as income.

And most of the reason we move isn't even for me/myself, it's for and about someone else. Again, a close one. This is my nature and even if it's a curse to me, at least it benefits someone else

End rant, but these are the things that MADE us cancel having a life, end my live streaming, constantly hurt myself , so until maybe that day when I have escaped this stuff and get back to my people…

I will carry as much as I can with me around the globe to get it back again, time moves fast especially when in this situation, no "gaming" or fun or safe spaces in a home that's not safe.

So It's war now. 👊

With all this current mess, That was my longest stream sunday night, 4hours.

Before it started, I actually messed up and clicking record for 7min instead of streaming.... I lost 10min, like when people forget to turn on a mic? ar least they had a stream GOING. Then the fail twitch app stream lost 5min. it took 2+hours to do makeup and outfit, 1+ hour off, 7:20pm to 2:20 is awhile to be in heels, gear etc .... none of that is restarting pc, obs config, turning lights on OR cleaning up which took hours to do that no one else does (esp with green screens now) ...and I was so down at the end that I forgot to "end " the stream, it was left on "thanks for watching" with a muted past live stream reel going. ....and ....well.... That..... sounds about right ! 🙃🍗💥

I had to write this because it's also the end of the month, if people need to skip out, I understand, because I get the money issue. Save yourselves please. Do what you gotta do and be ok, don't end up like me. 💜