FREE POST: The Highly Anticipated Freddy Got Fingered Notes, Also Some Wrestling News

Today is your lucky day, Fightful Freeloader Tier members. You get, at no charge, the notes from Alex and Kate for their highly anticipated (by SRS only) review of Freddy Got Fingered. The review takes place at 10 PM ET on the main Fightful Channel on Thursday September 11, brought to you by Variant Edmonton. Sean Ross Sapp will be joining and serving as executive producer. You can see it at this link.

If you want actual wrestling tidbits....there are some at the bottom of the page.

Alex's Notes

• Me for the first 6 and a half minutes of the movie: Well, this isn’t so bad. I don’t get why everybody thinks this is so disgusting and weird.
  
  Me, at the 7 minute and 13 second mark: Oh. Now I get it.

• I feel like that kind of behavior on your first day would get you fired from the cheese sandwich factory.

• Seems like that sort of thing would be frowned upon.

• Tom Green and Drew Barrymore really don’t have a “Meet Cute” so much as a “Meet Creepy”

• EDIT: Wait, Drew Barrymore isn’t playing the love interest character? What a weird cameo.

• “Your drawings are pretty good, but it doesn’t make any SENSE. It’s fuckin’ stupid.”
  Why do I feel like this line is going to be the metaphor for the entire movie?

• “Get inside the animals.” That little piece of advice can’t lead anywhere good.
  EDIT: It did not.

• Why did the little boy do a suicide dive into the side of Tom Green’s car?
  Oh wait. Maybe it’s supposed to be a young Darby Allin?

• I don’t think I like this movie very much.

• Wow so his love interest is a disabled woman in a wheelchair? What an inspirational and progressive choice! I applaud this film for its sensitivity and inclusiveness and surely that statement won’t come back to haunt me.

• EDIT: I am so haunted right now. I am the little girl in Poltergeist, that’s how haunted I am.

• The very few actually good scenes in this movie make the rest of the movie even worse by comparison.

• That whole baby birthing scene was a jailable offense.

• A just and decent society would have imprisoned Tom Green after that scene was FILMED, and it never would have been released. All of the footage would have been burned in a ritualistic exorcism ceremony.

• Why is he taking a shower in a scuba suit?

• What is the purpose of any of this?

• Wait, I just realized, Tom Green ISN’T “Freddy”?

• The American Pie kid is “Freddy”?

• OH NO THE AMERICAN PIE KID IS GOING TO GET FINGERED???
  EDIT: Somehow it’s worse than that.

• “Daddy would you like some sausages.”

• If were his dad, I would have just said “Yes” and moved on.

• Sausages are delicious.

• Rip Torn seems perhaps a bit mentally unbalanced.

• So that’s what the “Look at my hooves” quote is from. 

• I had no idea of the context.

• I guess I’m glad he wasn’t wearing the carcass of a donkey or something when he said it.

• Wow his girlfriend sure does love to perform fellatio.

• This movie  is really quite terrible.

• Of ALL the things to pay off in this movie, the PAKISTAN comment is the one he goes with?

• Also, pretty sure it would cost more than $750,000 to move a house from Portland, Oregon to the Pakistani desert.

• It’s just impractical.

• Okay the thing with the elephant splooge is the final straw.

• Sean can keep the puppets.

• I don’t want to do this anymore.

Kate's notes

Rip Torn buys Tom Green a LeBaron as he prepares to shop is drawings and animation studios:
-I miss my Z3 and driving manual
-Grown ups calling their actual father “daddy” creeps me out as intended by this movie
-I think we are supposed to believe that he is driving recklessly here but this is everyone in New Jersey
-Nobody is named Gord anymore. Driving to Hollywood and stopping in Portland because he saw an enormous horse dick:
-Has anyone asked Bryan Danielson about this movie?
-Oh what, is this your first time seeing a horse dick
-This seems entirely unnecessary but o hope it sheds light on animal abuse. I suspect it will not.
Edit: Oh no it got so much worse.Meeting the blonde animator boss legend Dave Davidson
-THIS is where Drew Barrymore fell in love with him?
-RIP Linda what a legend
-“You’re a skinny loser” popped me
-Dave Davidson living for this 2000s look
-X-ray Cat is stupid and I’d argue he’s not really a vigilante based on the description.
-“It doesn’t make any sense, it’s fuckin stupid.” OH NOOO this is an allegory for the film, isn’t it?
-I question what coroner policeman costume rental place comes with a fully loaded gun.
-“Get inside the animals.” Ah fuck, I know what’s coming and this movie is going to suck.
-Eating his sandwiches to horse breeding is weird as fuck
-Making a vegan watch this movie is terrible. Be kind to animals.Going back home because he will never make it
-Kid runs into the side of his car. This kid takes bumps.Building a skate ramp
-Why this the host from the mid-90s stand up comedy show Premium Blend break his leg through the skin and I had to see it? God this shit is stupid.
-“Are hospitals always so fun? No, sometimes people die of cancer.” Okay that made me legit ell oh ell.
 -Betty is a Rocket scientist, yes girl boss
-Gord and I have the same knowledge of the stock market
-She’s in a wheelchair
-This whole pregnancy thing is gross and weird and stupid and these better be the best puppets ever made or I’m suing Sean Ross Sapp and Fightful for emotional damages.
-“Does the rocket wheelchair make you feel like a stupid dumby?” is actually a fun way to make fun of how ableists think
-Well that rare moment of taste was negated by her being HORNY FOR ROCKETS, which admittedly are long and hard
-The kendo stick is the only wrestling connection
-She wants to be spanked in the legs with a kendo stick. If she didn’t feel anything there how would it give her pleasure? He seems bad at sex, which means he probably now has a tribalist Twitter account.
-Oh God he walloped her in the face. Previous note confirmed.
She gives him a beej and the umbilical  chord is there. This could be a metaphor for how his mom baby’s him but it’s probably just gross and stupid.
-Is Freddy played by Collin hanks? If so, does he know his dad is Tom Hanks and he doesn’t have to do this?
-The fuck is he wearing Scuba gear in the shower for? He’s a 28 year old slacker lazily pursuing his craft, not this mentally ill.
-Backwards man is the “cool beans” scene from HotRod of this film to me for so far in that it makes no sense, it’s out of place as hell, I know Alex hated it, and it made me giggle like an idiot.
-The “sucking to date ratio” is extremely serious and they shouldn’t be made fun of upDinner at a fancy restaurant
-Phone gag was good
-The fish dinner ruined my little animal activist heart
-Real talk, at the time of organizing my notes, Alex called the kid who keeps getting his ass kicked Darby Allin and now it’s all I can think about. Kids don’t want fancy dinners for their birthday.
Take this dude to Pizza Hut.
-“You’ve got a problem with my legs?
No you do” OKAY that got me good
-Him playing the violin: It was at this time that I feel like Betty should have maybe not considered continuing a romantic relationship with him. The hospital scene and the umbilical chord beej were strikes one and two.“I can’t eat food, draw and play music at the same time”
-How would you eat meat earrings? This makes even less sense than a sausage organ, which is what a lot of other podcasting networks should be called.
-“Your dad is a real character.” Better than a cat that can only see thru wood. Dummy.
-Im being creative. Many “creative processes” are this stupid
-DADDY WOULD YOU LIKE SOME SAUASAGES
-“If this were Pakistan you’d be seeing soccer balls when you were four” is such a grandpa line
-Fantasy booking his mom having sex is weird, but this further makes me think he’s someone on the internet with a wrestling avatarFamily therapy
-THIS is where the title of the movie comes from?
-Throws bust and jumps out window
-Freddy gets taken away in a cop car to a facility with kids despite there being no evidence and he’s a fully grown adult? Anything but protecting women in this world smdh
-Well there’s Rip Torn’s bare ass. I’m glad he found his way to coaching Dodgeball. Him telling Tom Green he’s nothing and will never be is a harsh vibe when you consider he could teach him how to dodge, duck, dip, dive, and dodge.Rocket wheel chair status check
-Him comparing their journeys saying  “it’s always about the rockets” was alright
-Gordo has a fast food job and once again bowing out of the cheese sandwich industry as the inspirational uptick was wild.
-Drew Barrymore gets launched into toxic waste that is just out in the open is wild.Dreams come true!
-$1,000,000 check written for this shit and I’m slinging reviews for puppets?
-STFU about your hooves, dog
-He should invest in a growth stock mutual fund because he doesn’t know what to do with this money
-Military helicopter is unnecessary he could’ve just called her. She’s very receptive.
-She can’t hear him over the helicopter which is a decent bit 
-LOL he tranq’s his dad
-The PAKISTAN line is what gets paid off here?
-The mom being with Shaq and him loving her and learning how to BOTTOM HUMP rules bahahahaha
-The shot of him as a war hero is amazingOverall takeaways:
-Shock humor doesn’t shock me if it’s the only thing you bring to the table for like 85% of the movie
-I like that he’s dysfunctional when his parents are portrayed like typical sitcom parents. The over coddling of the mom and the hard ass nature of the dad aren’t healthy dynamics and they are often portrayed as such. I’m giving this movie way too much credit.
-I’ll give them credit for this: they committed. IDK what to, but they all committed. And should maybe be committed.
-We accurately quoted Sean the first time when we asked for $1,000/eachBe kind to animals. Don’t waste your time on this.

Notes

• The reports of Ring of Honor Death Before Dishonor being moved so Tony Khan could attend MJF and Alicia Atout's wedding are true.

• One WWE source that we spoke to about the drastic drop in viewership across the board for WWE and AEW last week called it "one of the weirdest things they'd seen," and were not surprised when both Smackdown and Collision had huge jumps the following week.

• Fightful has an interview with Chris Bey going up this week.