Latex demon sketch p3-13
Added 2024-08-16 15:27:10 +0000 UTCSorry for taking a bit long but got eleven page sketch out of it. The dialouge are kinda rush thought so any help are appreciate. It so hard to condese story into each page lol
Thank you again for another month of support.
Comments
Is his mind going to be corrupted?
Bio life
2024-08-23 15:44:20 +0000 UTCAfter this project id love for you to make an expanded TG plant girl comic
gen
2024-08-19 05:09:01 +0000 UTCyou're doing god's work buddy, keep it up!
SansPapyrus683
2024-08-17 23:09:18 +0000 UTCit's genderless.
ibenz009
2024-08-17 09:48:24 +0000 UTCThank you so much. I learn a few thing here! I've change dialouge on page 11.
ibenz009
2024-08-17 09:47:45 +0000 UTCThank! I think Shakespearian english is still above my skill. In the prevoius Demon lord chapter. Character never speak in Shakespearian style. I'll still change feel dialouge following your suggestion.
ibenz009
2024-08-17 09:40:29 +0000 UTC@ibenz009 Are the tails male, or female? Or are they genderless?
Arthur Yeung
2024-08-17 05:03:26 +0000 UTC@ibenz009 @trigger_portal_cleanser Part 2 of the corrections, noted in uppercase. Page 8: Bernard: BUT SINCE THOU ART SO TALL … WHEREFORE THOU'ST BETTER SERVE A BUCKLER O' FLESH FOR THIS CRAVEN? Fang: You! Gah! What kind of creature is this!? Tail: Oh my … and here I thought I had to make do with that FILTHY inquisitor. This must be fate. Fang: You can talk!? Tail: Oh, don’t worry, darling … only we can hear each other. Think of it as our secret chat. Mmm … such a GIRTHY, beefy canvas! You totally are my type! Page 9: Tail: Now let me hold you, tight and secure! Fang: Let go of me, monster! WHAT THE DEVIL IS THIS SHINY LEATHER!? Tail: Not a chance! My instincts tell me that you are a "once in a lifetime" host. LEMME get in and make myself AT home. Fang: Gah … ah … ah! Tail: Oh my, oh my! I ONLY JUST PASSED THROUGH and your body already RESPONDED to my magical energy! Fang: Nygh! Tail: Darling, you are GOING TO BE absolutely stunning! Page 10: Fang: How dare you! I am Fang, warrior of the Karti Clan! I WON'T BE MOCKED like this! What have you done to me, FOUL SPIRIT!? Tail: Darling, I WAS just MOVING THROUGH your body! I never SAW a human body so sensitive to magic like you before! Still, flesh and bone ARE SO limited! That’s why I WILL MELT IT ALL into mana! Fang: What!? Tail: Now, let’s wrap the rest of you up so you don’t spill all over the ground. Fang: Wait … Mmph!? Tail: Relax, my dear. Just let your flesh and bone BE DISTILLED INTO THE FINEST of mana. No way … A FOISON (abundance of) of mana … SUCH magical potential. What were you thinking, FROLICKING around as warrior Fang!? You HAVE THE the body of a first class mage! Page 11: Fang: WHAT'S happening!? That CREATURE IS PUMPING something into me! This … leather is so damn tight! It’s getting tighter! AS IF IT FEELS LIKE NOTHING BUT SKIN! Fang: Gasp! Tail: Oh, Fang … With this much mana left, it would be a crime to let it all go to waste! Fang: Ahh! Tail: I’ll give you a body that even noble DAMES can only dream of! You will be a beauty refined to perfection! You will become a demon that even MORTAL MEN can’t resist! Fang: Gah! Eeek! Page 12: Fang: Like hell I’ll let you! Gah! This LEATHER BONDAGE... Damnit … my voice!? And I have ... "TITS!?" Tail: OHOHOHO, Fang! MAIDENS SHOULDN'T SPEAK IN SUCH VULGAR TONGUES! NOR having this thing! Fang: You bastard! Don’t you dare … kya! Tail: Mmm … much better. Let me unbind you. We’re almost done with your makeover! Page 13: Tail: Behold, Fang, darling! YOUR new demonic form! "Liar and Slave" comes from Macbeth. The demons speak Modern English, the Karti speak formal English, the first demon (guard) slips into her native Shakespearian English, and the church speaks Shakespearean English.
Arthur Yeung
2024-08-17 04:53:43 +0000 UTC@ibenz009 @trigger_portal_cleanser Part 1: Page 3: Bernard: Such INSOLENCE! Thou SHALT ADDRESS ME AS Lord Bernard. As THE GODDESS' PROCLAIMED servant, I DEMAND THY PROPER APPROVAL. Rhys: Come now, GOOD Bernard. We SHAN'T ANTAGONIZE OUR EGAL (equal). Bernard: Hmph! TIME TIS' WASTED ON HERETICS, SIR Rhys. THOU STILL GREEN IN CRAFT. THESE BRUTISH PAGANS ART ALL SAVAGES. I SEE ILL TO DEPEND ON BARBARIANS! Fang: The Karti Clan do not recognize your Goddess. Only THE SPIRITS RULE THE ASHEN FOREST. I ONLY AGREED TO GUIDE YOU because we are both after the same demon. So, Church Clan, focus your anger on that demon. Page 4: Fang: Unless you want us to kill one another here and now, and make MATTERS easier for the demon. What will it be? Man, or demon first? Your choice. Bernard: F … Fool! TIS' INQUISITOR'S BLADE FOR WHENCE DEMONS SLAIN. I wouldst never tarnish the name of our order with heathen blood! Fang: Then shut your mouth and follow along silently. We are getting too close to its lair. I hope you are better with your blade than with your mouth. Knight: She’s too SWIFT … gah! Knight 2: HOLD THY GROUND, SIRS! WHERE THE DEVIL IS BERNARD!? Rhys: O FANG! She HIES TOWARDS THEE! Page 5: Tail: Look at what we have here, dear. It seems like this one has some fight left in him! Fang: Foul beast! You will pay for every life you STOLE from my clan! Tail: HAHAHA … so much rage! I do love a little spice in my human. What’ll it be, honey? Do you like this one? You always HAD A THING FOR THOSE "DIAMOND IN THE ROUGH" TYPES. Page 6: Guard: Let’s see if he can last a single minute! Rhys: Feel the Goddess’ wrath, Demon! Guard: THOU BOOTLESS BRISKET! Fang: Rhys! Page 7: Guard: Damnit … I can’t move! Argh! I SCORN these blessed weapons! What!? Bernard: Hmph. THOU HATH DONE BETTER. THINE SAVAGERY DOTH SERVE US WELL. Fang: WHERE THE DEVIL HAVE YOU BEEN, COWARD!? Bernard: MY GUARDS AND I LET THE ENTRANCE SEALED ... SHOULD'ST THAT FIEND ATTEMPTED ‘SCAPE. Fang: LIAR AND SLAVE! WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR, A FOOL!? Bernard: BELIEVE WHATEVER THOU WISH. MERE TONGUES FROM HEATHENS LIKE THYSELF BEAR NO WORTH REGARDLESS. HIE ANON - WE SHALT MAKE OUR ADIEU. I shan’t rather waste another day in this godforsaken wood. Fang: HOLD! WHAT OF YOUR FELLOW KNIGHT Rhys!? He’s still down there! Bernard: AYE. TIS' MISFORTUNE OF WHAT BEFELL THAT KNAVE. I SHALT ENSURE ON FUNERAL RITE FULL HONORS TO HIS NAME. Fang: You LILY-LIVERED CRAVEN!
Arthur Yeung
2024-08-17 04:24:27 +0000 UTCIncredible content, you don't disappoint, keep it up!
Corington
2024-08-17 03:42:23 +0000 UTCFormat: Original quote ↴ Modified quote with [notes] ↴ Modified quote without notes. Notes shown in [square brackets] Multiple possible modifications shown in {curly brackets / braces} ―――――――――― Bernard: "Such insolent!" ↴ “Such insolence!” [While ‘such insolent’ is technically grammatically correct, you’ll find approximately 0 people would say that. An ‘insolent’ (noun) is a person who is ‘insolent’ (adjective). It’d be like saying ‘so much bad person!’, it’s valid, but doesn’t make any sense. ‘Such insolence’ is describing the insolence (noun) that one is displaying (compare ‘so much insolence’).] ↴ “Such insolence!” Bernard: "You will will refer to me as Lord Bernard! As a servant of the Goddess. I demand a proper respect!" ↴ “You will [Remove duplicate word] refer to me as Lord Bernard. As a servant of the Goddess, [Connect clauses. The latter clause is independent (can be said by itself), but the former clause is dependant (it relies on another clause). This is Advanced English™, and all you need to remember is that these should be joined.] I demand proper respect!” [Respect is uncountable. That is there isn’t an instance you can directly refer to (like ‘water’, there’s no ‘a water’). So, there’s no need for the article ‘a’.] ↴ “You will refer to me as Lord Bernard. As a servant of the Goddess, I demand proper respect!” Rhys: "Come now, Bernard." Rhys: "We shouldn't antagonize our guide." Bernard: "Hmpf! You're spent way too much time with heretic, Rhys." ↴ “Hmpf! You’ve [Not ‘you’re’ (‘you are’), but ‘you’ve’ (‘you have’).] spent [Present perfect tense (An action that took place in the past, but has consequences in the present).] too [It is quite informal to use the phrase ‘way too much’. Given the character’s behaviour, a simple ‘too much’ may be better here.] much time with heretics [Plural], Rhys.” ↴ “Hmpf! You’ve spent too much time with heretics, Rhys.” Bernard: "You're still green, these godless brute are all scum!" ↴ “You’re still green, these godless brutes [Plural] are all scum!” ↴ “You’re still green, these godless brutes are all scum!” Bernard: "It make me sick to have to rely on these babarian." ↴ “It makes [Pronoun’s an ‘it’, use Simple Present.] me sick to have to rely on {this barbarian [Typo’d; If he is referring to Fang specifically.] / these barbarians [Typo’d; If he is referring to barbarians in general]}. ↴ “It makes me sick to have to rely on {this barbarian / these barbarians}.” Fang: "The Karti clan do not recongnize your Goddess." ↴ “The Karti Clan do not recognize [Typo’d] your Goddess.” ↴ “The Karti Clan do not recognize your Goddess.” Fang: "The spirit rule The Ash Forest." ↴ “The {Spirit rules [A specific spirit rules the forest] / spirits rule [The spirits in general rule the forest]} The Ash Forest.” ↴ “The {Spirit rules / spirits rule} The Ash Forest.” Fang: "I've agree to be your guide because we both after the same demon." ↴ “I agreed [He agreed in the past] to be your guide because we’re [‘We are’] both after the same demon.” ↴ “I agreed to be your guide because we’re both after the same demon.” Fang: "So, Church clan, focus your anger on the demon." ↴ “So, Church clan, direct your fury at the demon.” [Your proposed sentence is perfectly valid. In common parlance though, ‘directing’ one’s anger at something else is probably more common than ‘focusing’ it. And ‘anger’ is a bit weak. But since your sentence was valid, up to you whether you want to implement this.] Fang: "Unless you want us to kill each other right here and and make things easier for demon." ↴ “Unless you want us to kill each other right here and [Remove duplicate] make things easier for the demon.” ↴ “Unless you want us to kill each other right here and make things easier for the demon.” Fang: "What will it be? Man or demon first? Your choice." ↴ “What will it be? Man or demon? Your choice.” [There is no great need for the word ‘first’.] ↴ “What will it be? Man or demon? Your choice.” Bernard: "Fa...fool! A Demon Hunter's blade are only meant for slaying demons." ↴ “F-fool! [Presumably you meant to indicate stammering. Most commonly this is shown by repeating the first letter (or occasionally syllable) before the word with a hyphen in-between.] A Demon Hunter’s blade is [‘Are’ is for plurals, ‘is’ is for singular. This is singular.] only meant for slaying demons.” ↴ “F-fool! A Demon Hunter’s blade is only meant for slaying demons.” Bernard: "I will not sully the name of our order with heathen blood." Fang: "Then shut up and follow along quietly." ↴ “Then shut up and follow quietly.” [Weird common parlance thing. ‘Follow’ versus ‘follow along’ has mildly different connotations in this exact context of guiding someone. To ‘follow along’ with something usually implies active involvement with the process (e.g., having to do something) whereas simply ‘following’ usually implies the opposite (e.g., without having to do anything). Since Fang is but only guiding them, ‘follow’ would be the more common word here.] ↴ “Then shut up and follow quietly.” Fang: "We are getting close to it's lair." ↴ “We are getting close to its [‘it’s’ is short for ‘it is’. ‘Its’ is possessive.] lair.” ↴ “We are getting close to its lair.” Fang: "I hope you are better with your blade than your mouth." ???: "She's too fast gah!" ↴ “She’s too fast! Gah!” ???: "Ahh!" ???: "Hold your ground mens! Where the blast is Bernard!?" ↴ “Hold your ground, men! [‘Men’ is the plural form. Also, comma before addressing.] Where the blast is Bernard!?” ↴ “Hold your ground, men! Where the blast is Bernard!?” ???: "Fang! She's coming right at you." Demon: "Look at what we have here, dear." Demon: "It seems like this one got some fight in him." ↴ “It seems like this one has [They ‘have’ it, not ‘got’ it.] some fight in him.” ↴ “It seems like this one has some fight in him.” Fang: "Foul beast!!" Fang: "You will pay for every life you took from my clan!" Demon: "Fufufu so much rage." ↴ “Fufufu. So much rage.” Demon: "I do love a little spice in my human." Demon: "What is it, honey? You like this one?" Demon: "You always have a thng for a diamond in the rough type." ↴ “You always had [Another present perfect] a thing [Typo’d] for diamond in the rough types.” [Referring to the general concept of ‘diamonds in rough’.] ↴ “You always had a thing for diamond in the rough types.” Demon: "Let see if he can last a minute!" ↴ “Let’s [‘Let us’] see if he can last a minute!” ↴ “Let’s see if he can last a minute!” Demon: "!?" Rhys: "Feel the Goddess wrath demon!" ↴ [Six of one, half a dozen of the other. The bigger scandal is my use of AP Style possessives. You’re probably more likely to see ‘Goddess’s’.] ↴ {“Feel the wrath of the Goddess, demon.” / “Feel the Goddess’ wrath, demon.”} Church: "You worthless meat!" ↴ [This is grammatically incorrect because ‘meat’ (in this context) is uncountable. We need it to be countable. For meat, this is commonly achieved by appending ‘piece of’ (i.e., ‘You worthless piece of meat’). But, more fundamentally, this just isn’t a great insult. I get it, they aren’t made of flesh and hence view flesh negatively, but, uh, this one might need to go back to the drawing board.] [“You worthless sack of flesh”? “You feeble flesh-bound creature”? You get the gist.] ???: "Rhys!" Demon: "Ught! I hate these blessed weapon." ↴ “Ugh, [‘Ugh’ is classically spelt like so.] I hate these blessed weapons.” [Weapons should be plural.] ↴ “Ugh, I hate these blessed weapons.” Demon: "Dammit I can't move." ↴ “Dammit, I can’t move.” Demon: "Wha..?" Bernard: "Hmm you've done well. At least you brute is good for something." ↴ “Hmm, you’ve done well. At least you brutes are [He’s referring the generally collection of brutes, so plural] good for something.” ↴ “Hmm, you’ve done well. At least you brutes are good for something.” Fang: "Where the hell have you been coward!" ↴ “Where the hell have you been, [Comma before addressing] coward!” [A rhetorical question. Some people may suggest you use a question mark in this instance. You don’t have to.]↴ Bernard: "Me and my mens have to secure the exit in case the demon try to escape." ↴ “My men [‘men’ is the plural form] and I [Classic English blunder. It’s almost always ‘[group] and I’ and not ‘me and [group]’. The easy way to check is remove ‘and [group]’ and see if the sentence still works (compare ‘I have to secure the exit’ versus ‘me have to secure the exit’).] have to secure the exit, in case the demon tries [Simple present] to escape.” ↴ “My men and I have to secure the exit, in case the demon tries to escape.” Fang: "Bullshit! Do you expect me to belive that!?" ↴ “Bullshit! Do you expect me to believe [Corrected] that!?” ↴ “Bullshit! Do you expect me to believe that!?” Bernard: "Belive whatever you want. Opinion from heretic like you is worthless anyway." ↴ “Believe [Corrected] whatever you want. {Opinions [Any opinion, and hence plural] from heretics [Any heretic, and hence plural] like you are [This is now plural, so ‘are’ instead of ‘is’] worthless anyway. / An opinion [A single opinion, hence the need for ‘a’] from a heretic [A single heretic, hence the need for ‘a’] like you is worthless anyway. }” ↴ “Believe whatever you want. {Opinions from heretics like you are worthless anyway. / An opinion from a heretic like you is worthless anyway.}” Bernard: "We better wrap this up. I would rather not spent another day in this god forsaken forest." ↴ “We better wrap this up. I’d [Contract ‘I would’] rather not spend [Present tense] another day in this godforsaken [‘Godforsaken’ is one word] forest.” Fang: "Wait! What about your partner Rhys? He's still down there!" ↴ “Wait! What about your partner, Rhys? [Comma before addressing] He’s still down there!” ↴ “Wait! What about your partner, Rhys? He’s still down there!” Bernard: "Oh yeah. It's unfortunate what happend to the lad. I'll make sure he'll retrieve a full funeral honnor." ↴ “Oh yeah. It’s unfortunate what happened [Typo’d] to the lad. I’ll make sure he receives [Not ‘retrieves’ (recover).] a {full funeral honor [‘Honor’ has one ‘n’.] / [Presumably you meant some form of military funeral with rites. The phrase ‘full funeral honor’ isn’t exactly common. Consider something like the following instead] fitting tribute}.” ↴ “Oh yeah. It’s unfortunate what happened to the lad. I’ll make sure he receives a {full funeral honor / fitting tribute}.” Fang: "You spinless coward!" Bernard: "Since you are so fearless." ↴ “Since you are so fearless…” [Consider ending with an ellipsis to indicate this idea continues.] ↴ “Since you are so fearless…” Bernard: "You wouldn't mind become a meat shield for coward like me do you?" ↴ “…You [Consider starting with an ellipsis to indicate this idea follows from the previous.] wouldn’t mind becoming [Present tense] a meat shield for a coward [Singular countable, needs the article ‘a’] like me, do you?” ↴ “…You wouldn’t mind becoming a meat shield for a coward like me, do you?” Fang: "You..!" ↴ “You…!” Fang: "Gah!" Fang: "What kind of creature is this!?" Latex: "Oh my, and here I thought I'll have to make do with that disgusting demon hunter. This must be fate." ↴ “Oh my, and here I thought I’d [‘I would’ instead of ‘I will’. She thought that in the past, so past tense.] have to make do with that disgusting demon hunter. This must be fate.” [Consider appending a tilde (~) to certain sentences. As Wiktionary puts it: “Appended to an utterance to indicate a flirty, playful tone.”] ↴ “Oh my, and here I thought I’d have to make do with that disgusting demon hunter. This must be fate.” Fang: "You can talk!?" Latex: "Don't worry darling only we can hear eachother" ↴ “Don’t worry, darling, [Address] only we can hear each other.” [‘Each other’ is two words.] ↴ “Don’t worry, darling, only we can hear each other.” Latex: "Think of it as our secret talk." ↴ “Think of it as our little secret.” [In common parlance, a ‘little secret’ is a secret shared between very few people. Such as this case, and therefore would be likely found here. You can optionally still include ‘talk’ at the end, but it’s obviously she’s talking about talking, so not really needed.] ↴ “Think of it as out little secret.” Latex: "Mmmm such beefy canvas. You are totally my type!" ↴ “Mmmm, such a beefy canvas. You’re totally my type!” [As a note, within a panel, English readers will almost always prioritise left-to-right reading over top-to-bottom reading. So, the first time I read this page, I did so in the wrong order (“What kind of creature” -> “Don’t worry, darling” -> “Oh my” -> “You can talk” -> “Think of it as out secret talk” -> “Such a beefy canvas”). You might want to consider shuffling the text around, or literally adding numbers or arrows denoting correct reading order.] Latex: "Now let hold you tight and secure." ↴ “Now, [‘Now’ doesn’t actually impact the rest of this clause, so we separate it with a comma.] let’s [It’s a group activity (her and him), so it’s ‘let us’, which is contracted down to ‘let’s’.] hold you, nice and secure [Once again, common parlance suggests an alternative phrase. While ‘tight and secure’ is perfectly valid, for reasons, a description like this often includes a ‘positive’ adjective (in this case, ‘nice’).] ↴ “Now, let’s hold you, nice and secure.” Fang: "Hyght! Let go of me monster!" ↴ “Hnngh! [More common spelling. Also sometimes ‘hnnng’/’hngh’/etc.] Let go of me, monster!” [Address] ↴ “Hnngh! Let go of me, monster!” Fang: "What the hell is this shinny leather!?" ↴ “What the hell is this shiny [‘Shinny’ is a different word.] leather!?” ↴ “What the hell is this shiny leather!?” Latex: "Not a chance! My instict tell me you are once in a life time host." ↴ “Not a chance! My instincts are telling me [People have multiple instincts and she’s not really referring to a specific one here, so plural.] you are a once-in-a-lifetime host.” [‘Host’ is countable, needs the article ‘a’; ‘Lifetime’ is one word; Since ‘once in a lifetime’ is being used as an adjective, it’s hyphenated. This isn’t true for a ‘diamond in the rough’.] ↴ “Not a chance! My instincts are telling me you are a once-in-a-lifetime host.” Latex: "Let me get in there and make myself home." ↴ “Let me get in there and make myself at home.” [One makes themselves ‘at home’.] ↴ “Let me get in there and make myself at home.” Fang(?): "Gah ah ah" Latex: "Oh my! Oh my! I just only pass thourght and your body already response to my magical energy!" ↴ “Oh my! Oh my! I’ve barely [Consider ‘barely’ instead of ‘just only’.] passed [She did it, and it had a reaction, present perfect tense.] {through / over [Is she covering (‘over’) or consuming (‘through’)?]} and already [Shift ‘already’.] your body is responding [It’s in the act of responding, present tense] to my magical energy!” ↴ “Oh my! Oh my! I’ve barely passed {through / over} and already your body is responding to my magical energy!” Latex: "Darling you are going be absolutely stunning!" ↴ “Darling, you are going to be absolutely stunning!” Fang: "How dare you.. I am Fang warrior of Karti clan I'll not be mocked like this!!" ↴ “How dare you… [Ellipsis are 3 periods (or the actual Unicode character, your choice).] I am Fang, [New clause, separate by comma] warrior [Some people will say this needs an article before it (‘Fang, a warrior of…’). They are technically correct. But informally, you’re more likely to see the article dropped.] of the [It’s a specific clan] Karti clan. [Another clause. Rather than running on, these are separate, so let’s insert a period] I will [‘I’ll’ is valid. But not contracting it makes sense here.] not be mocked like this!!” ↴ “How dare you… I am Fang, warrior of the Karti clan. I will not be mocked like this!!” Fabg: "What have you done to me, monster!?" Latex: "Darling I just moving pass your body. I never see human body so sensitvie to magic like you before." ↴ “Darling, [Address] I was just passing [Presenting] { [You need a verb here, pick one or choose another] through / over / [etc.] } your body. I’ve never seen [Present perfect tense] a human body [‘Body’ is countable, an article is needed.] so sensitive [Typo’d] to magic as yours [She’s referring to his body. ‘You’ is also correct, but she was directly referencing the body a second ago] before.” ↴ “Darling, I was just passing {through / over / [etc.]} your body. I’ve never seen a human body so sensitive to magic as yours before. Latex: "Still flesh and bone is so limited. That why I'm going to melt it all into mana." ↴ “Still, [‘Still’ has no impact on the rest of the clause. Separate it.] flesh and bone are [Plural, there’s multiple items (flesh and bone).] so limited. That’s [Contraction of ‘that is’] why I’m going to melt it all into mana.” ↴ “Still, flesh and bone are so limited. That’s why I’m going to melt it all into mana.” Fang: "What!?" Latex: "Now let wrap the rest you up so you don't spill all over the floor." ↴ “Now, let’s [Still a group activity, still ‘let us’] wrap the rest of you [It’s the ‘rest of’ some object.] up, [Two clauses, separate with comma] so you don’t spill out [‘Spill’ is fine. ‘Spill out’ is better.] all over the floor.” ↴ “Now, let’s wrap the rest of you up, so you don’t spill out all over the floor. Fang: "Wai.. Mhpf!?" ↴ “Wai [Interruptions should be denoted with an Em Dash (—), or hyphen. Ellipses tend to indicate trailing off instead of interruption.] Mhpf!? ↴ “Wai— Mhpf!?” Latex: "Relax my dear." ↴ “Relax, my dear.” Latex: "Just let your flesh and bone distilled into finest of mana." ↴ “Just let your flesh and bone [I’d suggest changing out this second use of ‘flesh and bone’ for something else.] be distilled into the finest of mana.” [This is a specific type of mana. The finest, so need the ‘the’.] ↴ “Just let your flesh and bone be distilled into the finest of mana.” Latex: "No way... So much mana so much magical potenial." ↴ “No way… So much mana. So much magical potential.” [Typo’d] ↴ “No way… So much mana. So much magical potential.” Latex: "What were you thinking playing around as warrior Fang? You got a body of a first class mage!" ↴ “What were you thinking, [These are separate clauses] playing around as {a warrior, Fang? / the warrior Fang? [The first option is an address directly to Fang, asking him a question. The second option is a rhetorical question, asked to no one in particular. Personally, I prefer the second, but it doesn’t really matter.]} You’ve [He has the body] got the body [It’s a specific body, so ‘the’ instead of ‘a’.] of a first-class [‘First-class’ is being used as an adjective and thus needs to be hyphenated] mage.” ↴ “What were you thinking, playing around as {a warrior, Fang? / the warrior Fang?} You’ve got the body of a first-class mage.” Fang: "What happening!?" Fang: "That's monster pump something into me"↴ “That [No need for ‘is’.] monster pumped [She did it, past tense.] something into me.” ↴ “That monster pumped something into me.” Fang: "This leather is so damn tight." ↴ Fang: "It's getting tighter!! It's feel almost like I'm going to become one with it!" ↴ “It’s getting tighter!! It [No need for ‘is’.] feels [Pronoun is ‘it’, simple present.] almost like I’m going to become one with it!” [Look, I’ll be honest: this isn’t the greatest line. It’s too on the nose.] ↴ “It’s getting tighter!! It feels almost like I’m going to become one with it!” Fang: "Gasp!" Latex: "Oh Fang with this much mana left it would be a crime to let it all go to waste." ↴ “Oh, Fang, with this much mana left, it would be a crime to let it all go to waste.” Fang(?): "Ahh" Fang(?): "Gah" Latex: "I'll give you a body that even noble lady can only dream of! A beauty refine to perfection!" ↴ “I’ll give you a body that even noble ladies [Noble ladies in general, plural.] can only dream of! A beauty refined to perfection!” ↴ “I’ll give you a body that even noble ladies can only dream of! A beauty refined to perfection!” Latex: "You will become a demon that even human can't resist." ↴ “You’ll [contract] become a demon that even humans [Humans in general, plural] can’t resist.” ↴ “You’ll become a demon that even humans can’t resist.” Fang(?): "Eek" Fang: "Like hell I let you! Gah! These binding leather"↴ “Like hell I’ll [‘I will’] let you! Gah! This [‘Leather’ is uncountable, so we use singular forms of words when referring to it.] [You should insert an intensifier here instead of ‘binding’, otherwise the fragment doesn’t really work.] {damn / forsaken / [etc.]} leather.” ↴ “Like hell I’ll let you! Gah! This {damn / forsaken / [etc.]} leather. Fang: "Dammit my voice!?" ↴ “Dammit, my voice!?” Fang: "And I have a tits!?" ↴ “And I have tits!? [‘Tits’ is plural.] ↴ “And I have tits!?” Latex: "Huhuhuhu Fang, a lady shouldn't spaek in such a crude manner." ↴ “Huhuhuhu. Fang, a lady shouldn’t speak in such a crude manner.” Latex: "And having this thing." ↴ “{Nor / Or} have this thing.” Fang: "You bastard don't you dare... Kya!" ↴ “You bastard, don’t you dare… Kya!” Latex: "Mmm much better." Latex: "Let me unbind you. We almost done with your make over." ↴ “Let me unbind you. We’re almost done with your makeover.” Latex: "Behold Fang darling you new demonic form." ↴ “Behold Fang, darling, your new demonic form.”
trigger_portal_cleanser
2024-08-16 22:56:55 +0000 UTCI can already tell this is gonna be epic.
Benjamin Francis
2024-08-16 17:56:46 +0000 UTCcool
Pascal
2024-08-16 17:38:22 +0000 UTCLovely!
Arbiter
2024-08-16 16:39:47 +0000 UTCmy joy is immeasurable and my day is made
SansPapyrus683
2024-08-16 16:35:45 +0000 UTCOoooh. Nice. Cant wait
Fallen_Inari
2024-08-16 16:20:00 +0000 UTCReally great TF
CrazedGamma1721
2024-08-16 15:55:49 +0000 UTCWorth the wait
Darklight98
2024-08-16 15:44:33 +0000 UTCthe transformation is really good
shaunong
2024-08-16 15:43:26 +0000 UTCOh they both look stunning ^^
StarGazer
2024-08-16 15:39:34 +0000 UTC
