DITW 13-8: Borehole

Kimmy looked beautiful and perfect laying on the bed strewn with her things he’d thrown there. All of her bull shit luxury goods, all her bourgeois trappings. Her hair was down, but she still wore makeup. She was long and lean and he could see a sliver of her taut midriff where her shirt came untucked from her high-waisted pants.

He said, “I want you out of here. I want all of your shit out of here.”

She tossed her hair. “Who’s going to make me?”

“I know what you’re doing, and you can stick it up your ass.”

She laughed. It was a maddening sight, his wife throwing her head back, showing off the white of her teeth against her red lipsticks. Her neck was long and graceful. He wanted to wrap his hands around it, pick her up, and bounce her off every wall in the room. She stopped laughing and steadied her eyes on him. “You can’t kick me out of my own home. It’s against the law. Why don’t you leave? . . . Coward.”

“Why are you doing this?”

“Because you’re still stuck in a web—”

“It’s your fucking web, Kimmy. You weaved it.”

She scowled. “Open your eyes, Josh. You got what you wanted. You can’t act virtuous now. It’s way too late.”

“And how about your eyes? What do your eyes see? Or don’t see.”

“Me? I’m wicked, Josh. I’m terrible. I did awful things to you. I wanted you to want them. I love you. I see clearly.”

“If you see so clearly, tell me what you see. Am I a coward? Am I a moron, a fucking chump who sat in a hot tub waiting for you . . . and you were fucking him while I waited.” His fists shook.

“And I told you I was going to do it,” Kimmy said, defiant.

“Tell me what you see.”

She said, “You’re no fool, Josh. Don’t act like one.”

“I’m acting like a fool? Is that it? Is that what you see?”

“Look in a mirror, Josh. Tell yourself you didn’t know. See if your reflection can keep a straight face or not.”

He chuckled with unbridled menace, shaking his head, licking his lower lip, snorting breath like a taunted bull in the ring. But she was doing this on purpose. Riling him. Angering him. But why? “Why are you doing this? Why are you such a bitch right now after all you’ve done?”

She said, “Do you think you were the only one who was ever bullied? How does it feel to be the only person in the history of the world to have another human push you under, hold your head in the toilet, and flush? Everyone must flock to you, come to your aid. Is that how it is?”

“I expect my wife to respect my truth.”

“Oh god, Josh. Your truth? I knew you in college and you weren’t in social studies. You were about business. We were about making money, making a family.”

“When did that change? When did that fucking change, Kimmy? Maybe around the time you fucked Devlin Stone?”

“I did you a favor.”

His fists disassembled, and he threw up his hands, completely, unambiguously, bewildered. He wished they had this on camera so he could show his friends, let them all hear the unbelievable words his wife conjured. “And I’m not supposed to call you crazy?” He gestured bladed hands her way as he spoke, like trying to get through to a dog or some simpler minded creature, saying, “You don’t make any sense.”

“I saw you throw a chair today, throw it at Devlin. Hit him right in the face.”

His stomach soured at the memory. At the fear of retribution, at the worry some form of law enforcement would knock on his door at any moment and arrest him for assault.

Kimmy said, “You only did it ten years too late.”

Rumble could come after him. Maybe Devlin would think it was funny to have Rumble meet him in the parking lot outside Swanson, punch him in the gut in front of all of his coworkers. Leave him curled on the pavement, heaving in agonal breath.

“He fucking knows he deserved it, too, Josh. He wasn’t even mad when you left.”

“He wasn’t?”

“He knows it.”

The rage returned as Devlin’s words echoed in his mind’s cathedral, unrepeatable words about his ability as a man, a deep core sample into the most ancient and fragile depths of a man’s psyche. “You were with him. You gave him your body. You’re disgusting.”

“He’s disgusting. I’m still me.”

“Who the fuck are you?”

“I protected you, Josh. I worked for you.”

“This is incredible,” he said, bewildered once more. “Who’s going to protect me from you?”

“You don’t need protection from me, Josh. This is what I’m telling you. This is what I’m saying you don’t see. I want you happy. I want you fulfilled. I want you unburdened. I want you to have the kind of sex no one else in this world could ever give to you. Dark sex. The sex you know you want. The sex—”

“I almost threw up in the toilet watching this dark sex you’re gifting me.”

This was his grandest point, and he expected her to crumble at last, to admit defeat and offer no more defense. But she didn’t. She tossed her hair to the other side now, and he could see she knew how good she looked in this light. The way she let her shoulders come up to her ears, the way her eyes teased him with sultry promise; all-knowing sexual delights were hers, and she wanted him to have them.

“Why did you sneak around behind my back? Why did you skulk your way to Devlin’s apartment and conspire with him?”

“I didn’t conspire, Kimmy,” he said, haughty, on the verge of maniacal laughter. “I went there because you would never tell me the truth. I couldn’t trust you to tell me the truth.”

“You went behind my back, Josh. You went behind my back and ruined everything.”

He covered his face with his hands, breathed deep, gripped his brow, smoothed back his hair. “All you ever did was lie.”

“All I ever did was tell you what you wanted to hear.”

“Like how you had an affair?”

“We talked about that, Josh. It made you hard when we talked about it.”

“They were all lies, Kimmy, they—”

“You knew they were true. You’re the liar.”

His hands squeezed into fists again, and he hunched over her, daring her to spew more toxic nonsense. “They were fantasy, Kimmy. You know it.”

“You wanted it to be real.”

He climbed on top of her and she didn’t resist him, didn’t fight him or complain. He straddled her hips, and she was submissive below him. Submissive but not timid, not shy. He said, “You are such a fucking snake.”

She said, “When are you going to admit your part in this?”

He put his hands down by her hands and she fell back to the bed, silky hair tossing on the bedding and over her discarded clothing, and he realized—though he knew it already by instinct—she had him where she wanted him.

“I’ll admit it when you admit it,” he said, face over hers, her narrow eyes gone to black lines, sunlight glinting under her lashes to prove she was watching him.

“I admitted it, Josh. I admit it all. I fucked him. I did it behind your back. I did it before I knew you wanted it. I kept doing it after I knew it turned you on.”

“You humiliated me. You treated me like dirt.”

She cupped his neck on both sides, her long fingers scratching over the nape of his neck, exposed now by the haircut she’d encouraged him to get. “I put you on a pedestal, Josh.”

“You fucked him at the reunion,” he said. “Tell me you didn’t.”

“That’s what you want to hear. You want me to tell you that?”

“You make me so fucking crazy. Just tell me the fucking truth.”

She jutted her chin towards his in the gesture of an alluring kiss. He gripped her wrists and pulled her hands free from his neck. He pinned them on the bed, holding her arms up above her head. Her eyes were black gems, obsidian jewels of invasive scrutiny; looking in her eyes was like surrendering, letting her shine her flashlight in all your rooms, closets, attics, crawlspaces.

She said, “The sin was my penitence. Unless you’re a liar.”

He kissed her to shut her fucking mouth. Sealed his mouth against hers before more of her endless brood of spiderling lies and obfuscations skittered forth. Kimmy writhed under him in a seductive dance, and he knew he’d sunk himself by kissing her. But if he didn’t kiss her, her words would cloud his thoughts and resolve and render him useless.

Kimmy held his face while he kissed her, and she rose her hips to meet his, their pelvises coming together in urgent need, telling him what she wanted in case he hadn’t figured it out. Was she insatiable? No, she wasn’t. He’d watched Devlin fuck her, finger her, eat her ass. He’d watched her squirm. He’d watched her squirt. Devlin made her come hard. She was sated. Sated, but she wanted more and more. She wanted complete control. He would never give it to her.

Kimmy guided his face back, those invading eyes seeking his. He squinted, turned away from her in anger and disgust. His heart hammered in his chest.

“You hate seeing yourself through my eyes,” Kimmy said. “Hate seeing your reflection in my eyes. When you do, you see yourself, and it scares you.”

He still wouldn’t look at her, despite the urging of her warm hands. “I never wanted this,” he said. “I never did. I never asked for it. Amy put it in my head.”

“You lie, Josh. I’ve seen what it does to you. You’re still lying to yourself.”

“They did this to me. You did this to me.”

“I did it because you wanted it.”

“I don’t want it.”

“Stop lying, Josh. It’s time you stop lying.”

He faced her, jaw clenched, gritting his teeth, hating her and loving her all at once. Wishing things were the way they were before the summer. Before that; before the miscarriage. But in Kimmy’s eyes, he did see his own reflection. Josh Waters pinning her down, hovering over her. Hard as a rock. Josh Waters threw a chair at Devlin fucking Stone today. The thing he should have done so long ago. He did it for this woman. Because of this woman.

“You’re no different than I am, Josh. You’re not better than me. We’re still in this together.”

“I’m not falling for it, Kimmy.”

“You’re all I want in this world, Josh. I’ll give you everything.”

“You’re a liar.”

“You are too. I lie for you. You lie for yourself.”

“Stop it. Stop talking.”

“Fuck me, Josh. I know you’re hard. I can feel it. I’m right here. You’re right here with me. We’re in this together.”

He shut his eyes and bowed his head, put his forehead against hers. Kimmy brought her knees up on either side of his waist. His cock throbbed for her, thinking all he’d seen, how vile it was. The disgusting eruption of her demon lover. His wife wanting to see his cock against Devlin’s. Because you want it, Josh, not me. Devlin got off today. Devlin fucked today and Josh didn’t. Fucking Kimmy would be a victory. He roared and righted himself over top of her, legs over her middle, his wife laid out on the bed. He grabbed her shirt and wrenched the two halves apart. The buttons burst and scattered. She was naked underneath. She was aroused. Her nipples hard. But her eyes had softened. She really wanted him. She really wanted him to fuck her.

He inched backward, looking to escape. Kimmy sat up, grabbed handfuls of the suit she’d bought him so her boss, her lover, could go out with her husband and humiliate him in front of Rumble. She said, “You know you want this. You know you’re lying.”

“I never wanted this.”

She flopped back onto the bed. He didn’t flee. Her chest was bared, her shirt bunched at her arms. Her hands came to her waistband, and he watched those long, beautiful fingers work open the clasp.

“Open yourself, Josh,” she whispered. “Open yourself up to the truth.”

“From you?”

She ignored him, her long hand finding his upright erection under the pants fabric and palm-stroking his bursting hardness. “I’ll tell you everything. No lies. We don’t lie anymore.”

He dropped down again, his hands going out above her shoulders, their faces close together. “I’ll never trust you again.”

Kimmy didn’t even flinch. “Trust yourself first. Tell yourself you don’t want this.”

“I don’t,” he said, adamant.

She tilted up her chin again, her pillowy lips ready for his kiss. Her palm found his cock again. “Fuck me with this little dick, Josh. Fuck me as deep as you can go while I tell you what Devlin felt like so fucking deep inside me.”