Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-Men

500 Episodes of X-Plain on the Wall...

Hi, Patrons!

We're coming up on Episode 500... and we have no idea what to do.

Well, that's not entirely true. We have some ideas. But we're hoping to hear from you, too--after all, you're the folks who keep the show running, and some of our most avid listeners! If you've got questions, thoughts, or requests for our 500th(!) episode, we'd love to see them!

(We can't guarantee that everything will end up in the episode, obviously, but we'll do what we can!)

X,

J&M

Episode 496 - Time After Time

In which Prosh assembles a peculiar team; the cosmic forces are somewhat paranoid; Mystique gets shit done; and we are very into the concept of Toadland.

X-PLAINED:

• The Black Womb Project

• X-Men Forever #1-3

• Prosh

• Several custom-grown people

• A motley crew of mutants (and one human)

• Cataclysm keys

• The assassination of Graydon Creed

• Several poignant reunions

• The cosmic construction worker (Death)

• Why the Phoenix Force chose Jean Grey

• How much continuity is too much continuity

• Pyro’s romance novels

NEXT EPISODE: The rest of the series!

Episode 495 - The Goth

In which Rogue is beset with leadership; Psylocke’s telekinetic sword is narratively inconsistent; the Crimson Pirates are bad at their job; and you should not look to Frank Punisher as a role model.

X-PLAINED:

• Whether Dani Moonstar is still a Valkyrie

• X-Men #103-104

• Uncanny X-Men #384-385

• A crossover

• Tessa (somewhat)

• A test

• The Goth (group)

• Skulls

• The Crimson Pirates

• The mind of Tullamore Voge

• Something “rough trade” does not mean

• Visual representation of telepathy

• Kymri (again)

• The Goth (individual)

• Skycycles

• A ruse

• How to get the X-Perts at a convention near you

• What happened to the Massachusetts Academy

NEXT EPISODE: X-Men Forever

Episode 494 - You've Got Evil Mail

In which the X-Men zealously protect their trademarks; Cable can have as many moms as he wants to; not everyone should have to be a superhero; Lady Deathstrike knows how to handle unauthorized emails; and somehow there are still more gun arms.

X-PLAINED:

• Lady Deathstrike

• X-Men Unlimited #27-28

• X-Men Annual 2000

• One reason to recycle code names

• Thunderbird III (Neal Shaara)

• Sanjit Shaara and his electronic diary

• Karima Shapandar

• Bastion and the Prime Sentinels (again) (briefly)

• Omega Prime Sentinels

• Rebirth Island and what lurks there

• Darkstar (Laynia Petrovna)

• Unusual disturbances

• Whether Gambit sleeps

• The Black Death

• Internet security training with Bastion

• The genealogy of Nora Ephron romantic comedy You’ve Got Mail

• Fashion

• Stryfe (again) (briefly)

• Psylocke’s telekinetic katana

• Interactions between Madelyne Pryor and her large adult son

• Spiral’s Body Shop

NEXT EPISODE: The Brotherhood targets Senator Kelly… again.

Episode 493 - Now a Major Motion Picture

In which the first X-Men film turns 25 (and holds up remarkably well).

X-PLAINED:

• A startling absence

• The X-Men’s big-screen debut

• An X-film that might have been

• X-Men (2000), in general; and related publications

• Some very casting

• What makes a good adaptation

• Wolverine’s hair

• Those costumes

• The cinematic X-Men

• The cinematic Brotherhood

• Sabretooth’s eyebrows

• Condensed backstories

• The movie magic of magnetism

• The worst toy of all time

• Going to school with superheroes

• Things we’d like to have seen in the movie

NEXT EPISODE: The origin of Thunderbird! (Not that one.) (Or that one.)

Episode 492 - Brain Sharks

In which the Shockwave Riders are exceptionally silly; we are deeply impressed by brain sharks; and chrome plating and gun arms are among the lesser explored recurring Claremont motifs.

X-PLAINED:

• The fate of Sara Grey

• Revolution Claremont X-book disambiguation

• Uncanny X-Men #301-383

• The Neo (again)

• An unmarked anniversary

• A secret treasure trove

• Vagaries of telekinesis and telepathy

• The Shockwave Riders

• Brain sharks that eat memories

• The stuff of legend

• The Lost Souls

• Dirges and non-dirges

• One way to start a conversation

• Simyon Kurasov

• Colonel Alexi Vazhin (again)

• The Slash

• How to dress to go clubbing

• Blinkers, somewhat

• Ransom Sole

• Big Casino

• Sketch

• Revenant

• Major Debra Levin

• Bludgeon, Cudgel, and Manacle

• Houndification

• The best 21st century X-characters

NEXT EPISODE: The first X-Men movie turns 25!

Episode 491 - Live from the Library

In which we record live from the Library of Congress; time travel complicates everything; X-Men is a fundamentally queer narrative; we attempt to summarize a lot of history very fast; and when identities are politicized, claiming them becomes a political act.

X-PLAINED:

• LC-GLOBE

• The first openly queer X-Man

• Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

• Why we do what we do

• Why the X-Men are worth studying

• Returning nuance to critical discussion of media

• A brief(ish) history of X-Men and queerness in X-Men

• Iceman Watch

• Retroactive foreshadowing

• The mutant metaphor

• Found family

• Subtext

• Text

• Facets of mutant activism

• Coming-out stories

• Various vectors of diversity

• Some comics Jay wrote

• Comics in libraries

• Where to start with Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men

• X-Men for horror fans

• Our favorite X-Men lineups

• Identity politics

• The T-O virus vs. the Legacy Virus

NEXT EPISODE: Brain Sharks!

This episode doesn’t exactly have a traditional visual companion, but you can click through the entire slide deck from the live show–and find links to the essays we mentioned–on our blog.

Jay has some additional thoughts on identity politics, which you can read here.

Episode 490 - Chekhov's Angel Dust

In which Chris Claremont tries to make the Neo happen; Cecilia Reyes continues to have no time for this bullshit; Rogue gets some action; Shadowcat flees the comic; and Tessa returns.

X-PLAINED:

• The Evolutionaries

• X-Men #100-102

• The current X-Men rosters

• Thunderbird (Neal Shaara)

• Claremont vs. continuity

• Dove crimes

• The Neo

  • Domina

  • Jaeger

  • Rax

• Fancy space suits

• What to do with someone else’s bone claws

• Some guy named Seth

• The High Evolutionary’s love nest

• A Phoenix-saga callback

• Rave

• Warren Kenneth Worthington III’s weird fantasies

• Whether unstable molecules are self-cleaning

• Seventeen deaths of Mister Sinister

• Salvo the Living Gun

• How to keep track of X-Men

• Time travel problems

• X-Men LEGO sets we’d like to see

NEXT EPISODE: Live from Washington, D.C.!

Episode 489 - The Eyepatch of Love

In which Pete Wisdom does his best Charles Xavier; Alastair Stuart has not aged well; San Francisco has monster problems; and there’s probably an alternate universe where Dr. Niles Roman fronts a metal band for toddlers.

X-PLAINED:

• The value of Pete Wisdom

• X-Force #102-105

• Revolution (more) (again)

• Counter X (more) (again)

• Flight

• Elf stuff

• Alastair Stuart (again)

• The eyepatch of love

• Science City 53

• Meatspore stormtroopers

• Project Cuckoo

• Dr. Niles Roman

• Tactics vs. Strategy

• Monster problems

• The Violence Machine

• The apparent death of Pete Wisdom

• What a good X-Force HQ needs

• The most X-treme possible lineup

NEXT EPISODE: X-Men!

XplaintheXmen Live in Washington DC!

Join us in Washington, DC on June 6th for an X-beginner-friendly, mutant-metaphor-focused, LIVE episode of Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men!

Episode 488 - There Goes the Moon (Mutant X May, Part 3)

In which we reap the consequences of our choices; possession is 18/10 of the law; Sinister dresses for the occasion; Hank gets his groove back; Havok of Earth-1298 is a jerk; Hank loses his groove; Captain America blows up the moon; the Beyonder experiences a stirring; Dracula makes a deal; and Mutant X May comes to an end.

X-PLAINED:

• The aftermath of Mutant X

• Mutant X #19-32

• Mutant X Annual 2001

• The story so far

• Character color coding

• Some telepathic misdirection

• Apocalypse of Earth-1298

• Charles Xavier of Earth-1298

• Professor X’s Juggernaut-fightin’ mullet

• A whole lot of possession

• Fake Galactus

• Several fears

• X-Man of Earth-1298

• Child batteries

• The worst place for a portal to the Negative Zone

• How Hank McCoy became the Brute

• Vampire problems

• The Marauders of Earth-1298

• The Outcasts of Earth-1298

• Cloak & Dagger of Earth-1298

• James Hudson of Earth-1298

• The Avengers of Earth-1298

• The Beyonder of Earth-1298 who is also kind of the Goblin Force

• Several additional superheroes

• A last stand

• The appeal of alternate timelines

• Earth-1298’s best glow-ups

NEXT EPISODE: Attack of the Meatspore Stormtroopers!

Episode 487 – The Only Well-Adjusted Cyclops in the Multiverse (Mutant X May, Part 2)

In which Mutant X May continues; the X-Men return from space; it’s okay not to fill in every detail of a world; Havok leans into parenthood; we meet the only well-adjusted Cyclops in the multiverse; in any universe, Forge has terrible judgment; and the Six get some new members.

X-PLAINED:

• Several notable upcoming events in Mutant X

• What’s happened so far

• Mutant X #9-18

• Mutant X Annual 2000

• The Morlocks of Earth-1298

• The Mole Man of Earth-1298

• The Yancy Street Underground

• Magneto of Earth-1298

• Superhero costume color theory

• Polaris of Earth-1298

• The X-Men of Earth-1298

  • Magneto

  • Polaris

  • Nightcrawler

  • Rogue

  • Mystique

  • Quicksilver

• The Goblin Entity

• Doctor Doom of Earth-1298

• Namor of Earth-1298

• The origin of Bloodstorm

• Dracula’s fellas

• The Starjammers of Earth-1298

  • Cyclops

  • Binary

  • Nova

  • Lockheed

  • Silver Surfer

• Space alien problems

• A fairly literal deus ex machina

• Captain America of Earth-1298

• A terrible idea

• The United Guild of Thieves and Assassins

• Gambit of Earth-1298

• Raven LeBeau

• The origin of Vampire Gambit

• Mister Sinister of Earth-1298

• Jean Grey of Earth-1298

• Where Scott Summers of Earth-1298 ranks on the Cyclops Has a Good Day scale

• Where to put X-logos on a costume

NEXT EPISODE: Mutant X May concludes!

Episode 486 - Welcome to Earth-1298 (Mutant X May, Part 1)

In which we embark on a Great Work; it remains hard to be Alex Summers; and it’s also always Inferno on Earth-1298.

X-PLAINED:

• Mutant X May

• Mutant X #1-8

• Mutant X Annual 1999

• Havok (Alex Summers) (more) (again)

• Earth-1298

• The Six

  • The Brute (Hank McCoy)

  • Ice-man (Bob Drake)

  • Bloodstorm (Ororo Munroe)

  • The Fallen (Warren Kenneth Worthington III)

  • Marvel Woman (Madelyne Pryor)

• Bannerman Castle

• The original five X-Men of Earth-1298

• S.H.I.E.L.D. of Earth-1298

• Scotty Summers

• Elektra of Earth-1298

• The Swarms of Moot

• The Fantastic Four of Earth-1298

• Canada of Earth-1298

• The Pack

  • Logan

  • Sabretooth

  • Wild Child

• Demon problems

• The Goblin Queen of Earth-1298

• Kitty Pryde of Earth-1298

• Forge of Earth-1298

• Man-Spider

• Some murders

• Alligators of the Night

• National politics

• Cerebro of Earth-1298

• Dr. Strange of Earth-1298

• The Nexus of All Realities

• Stingray of Earth-1298

• Yellowjacket of Earth-1298

• Doc Sampson of Earth-1298

• Vendetta

• Firestar of Earth-1298

• A coincidence

• Adam X and Vulcan of Earth-1298

Episode 485 - The House of Correction

In which we go back to the future of Generation X; Jay once again gets pedantic about lettering; Generation X takes on the carceral state; we take a deep dive into the late ‘90s; Jubilee does her best Nick Fury; and superpowers should be noisier.

X-PLAINED:

• Earth-14042

• Marvel Disk Wars: The Avengers

• Generation X #63-66

• Revolution and Counter X (more) (again)

• An evil Oyster

• Warden Coffin

• The Decency Defecit

• Some shit we wish was fictional

• Underpants

• Souped up powers

• Newsgroups

• The Columbine school shooting

• The Grid

• Cable vs. ISDN Internet

• Jonathan Somers

• Generation X’s new costumes

• The House of Correction

• Hacking

• Trophies

• Baxter

• ‘90s X-Men outside of comics

• How superpowers sound

NEXT EPISODE: Mutant X May begins!

Episode 484 - Hell Tuba

In which the 2000 Magik miniseries is not a good comics series but is an excellent heavy metal concept album; Nightmare has a nightmare; and tubas work differently in Hell.

X-PLAINED:

• Belasco: the early years

• Magik (2000 series) #1-4

• Magik (Amanda Sefton) (Jimaine Szardos) (more) (again)

• Some art stuff

• The realm of Nightmare

• The Splinter Realms

• The Soul Sword (Amanda Sefton version)

• An Archfiend of the Pit

• Nugent

• Chekhov’s Hell computer (and its secretions)

• Kurt Wagner’s short and bizarre career in the church

• Vitchen

• Several cool demon battles

• The Dread Dormammu

• Gleeg

• A problem

• Muspelheim

• Twilight (sword)

• Some Mephisto nonsense

• Hades, maybe

• Epithets

• A convocation

• Weird Hell guys

• Duke Bleys

• The Archenemy

• The Hell Tuba

• The most demonic brass instrument

• Some time travel bullshit

• Stories where Emma Frost is at her best

• Villain reuse

NEXT EPISODE: Generation X gets new threads!

Episode 483 – Piotr Lovely Locks

In which a lot has happened in the Six Month Gap (and we even get to learn about some of it); we’d missed Claremontian narration; Miles has questions about Colossus’s ponytail; the Soulsword is basically a Poké Ball; the Shadow Pope is cooler than the regular Pope; and Magik has a secret.

X-PLAINED:

• Some big news

• X-Men: Black Sun #1-5

• Phoenix and Psylocke’s sorta-power-swap

• Implied continuity

• The N’Garai

• Belasco

• Limbo

• Magik (Illyana Rasputin)

• New costumes

• Priests vs blood magic

• An impressively overcomplicated evil plot

• Chekhov’s skeleton

• Body swaps and/or possession

• Thunderbird (Neal Sharra)

• Pilgrimm and the Ru’tai (again, surprisingly)

• Astral meetups

• Confusing bloodstone math

• A Triple-Tech

• Magik (Amanda Sefton)

• Counting X-generations

• Our favorite X-decades

NEXT EPISODE: More Magik!

Episode 482 - The Mutant Gene for Murder

In which Pete Wisdom canonically smells weird; we are inordinately entertained by a villain; everyone levels up their superpowers; and you probably shouldn’t shave the logo of your secret super team into the side of your head.

X-PLAINED:

• Nasty Boys disambiguation

• X-Force #106-109

• Counter X (more) (again)

• Shockwave (more) (again)

• Turn-of-the-millennium cool

• X-Force (more) (again)

• How to dress for funerals, I guess?

• How Pete Wisdom smells

• Romany Wisdom (again)

• Marcus Tsung

• Mind bullets

• Nightman

• Our first audience challenge in a really long time

• A bad nickname

• X-Force’s new looks

• A thing growing out of Domino’s back

• Several enigmas shrouded in mystery

• The worst birthday party

• Abel, Baker, and Charlie

• Fish

• The Factory

• Telepathic “voices”

• The miracle of magnetism

NEXT EPISODE: The return of Chris Claremont!

LISTENERS! We want to hear your Marcus Tsung murder ballads! Send ‘em to xplainthexmen@gmail.com with the subject line MUTANT MURDER BALLAD, and we’ll stick ‘em on the web or play ‘em on the show!

Episode 481 - Chekhov's Butt-Gun

In which Adrienne Frost is absolutely terrible (and so was Ronald Reagan); you should not put guns in your butt; Synch deserved better; and Jay and Miles inventory their favorite dangling plot threads of the ‘90s.

X-PLAINED:

• Several potential origins of Havok’s stupid hat

• Generation X #67-70

• Revolution (more) (again)

• Shockwave (more) (again)

• Adrienne Frost (more) (again)

• The New Xavier School and/or Massachusetts Academy (more) (again)

• Possible necrophilia

• Dorm life

• How not to draw clothing

• Rules of entry to Jubilee’s dorm room

• The Rich Person Store

• How to say the word “consigliere”

• The ‘90s

• Blackmail

• Limits of telepathy

• Arson

• Ninja Boogie

• Panic

• How to keep Synch safe

• Adultification

• Failure to keep Synch safe

• Where to pick up to follow along with us

• Plot threads we’d like to see picked back up

NEXT EPISODE: X-Force goes Counter-X!

Episode 480 - Cross-Time Tattoo Parlor

In which we check in on Nate Grey; yet another Madelyne Pryor is not what she seems; dead men tell tales; there are a lot of Canadians out there; and Nate gets a makeover.

X-PLAINED:

• What happened to Nate Grey (short-term)

• Counter X

• Shockwave

• Nate Grey (more) (again)

• X-Man #67-70

• Non-dildo futures

• Madelyne Pryor (kind of)

• A dubiously ethical relationship

• The destruction of Quito, Ecuador

• Earth-998

• Mr. Scratch

• Her Majesty Madelyne I, Resurrected Queen of Briton, High Protector of the Unified Commonwealths, Sacred Mistress of the Order of the Black Knights, and Absolute Empress of the North and the Breachlands (Jean Grey of Earth-9575)

• Several other Nates Grey (particularly the Nate Grey of Earth-2098)

• A distinctive tattoo

• Inverted X-Men logos

• Shamanism, kind of

• A very nice dress

• The Spiral / The Tree of Worlds

• Forge of Earth-998

• The Interscope

• The Engine of the Gods

• A plot twist that might have been

• Magical brain damage

• Dangerous Canadians

• A complex ruse

• A makeover

• How best to support the comics you love

• Some very X-Man-specific information

NEXT EPISODE: Shockwave comes to Generation X!

Episode 479 – Nancy Drew and the Secret of Carrion Cove

In which Genosha gets better and/or worse; Fabian Cortez is the Secretary of Betrayal; having an action figure of yourself is the path to immortality; and Hammer Bay sounds like a sex toy company.

X-PLAINED:

• Triathlon

• The Revolution relaunch and the six-month gap

• Magneto: Dark Seduction #1-4

• Erotic skyscrapers

• Magneto (again) (forever)

• X-Men Tijuana Bibles

• The Genoshan Cabinet

• Dark friendship with benefits

• Polaris’s newfound interest in heavy metal

• Magneto’s on-again, off-again children

• Carrion Cove

• Coloring symbolism and/or errors

• Spat and Grovel (kind of)

• Magneto’s ancestral f**k-ghost

• Socialism!

• Magneto’s mysterious mind-voice

• Neal Conan

• The Avengers of 2000

• Kirby Krackle

• Magneto’s smooth arc into villainy

• Bonking

• Human nature

• Rachel Summers in the Body Shoppe

• Our (lack of) coverage of solo comics

NEXT EPISODE: X-Man!

Episode 478 - The Monologue Tube

In which Alan Davis is Team Cyclops; everyone gets depowered; it’s hard to connect with kids your age when you’re a superhero; Sinister’s gotta sinister; everyone gets repowered; and the ‘90s were much more eclectic than they get credit for being.

X-PLAINED:

• Side effects of Decimation

• Uncanny X-Men #379-380

• X-Force #101

• X-Men #99

• Cadre K

• Summers family drama

• The High Evolutionary (more) (again)

• The (other) time all the mutants got depowered

• Kevin

• A very beautiful book

• The ongoing mess of Genoshan politics

• The Neo (slightly)

• To what extent Logan’s claws are a mutant power

• Sinister monologues

• Herbert Evolutionary

• The New New Men

• The ‘90s, in general

• What makes a Morlock

NEXT EPISODE: Magneto: Dark Seduction!

Episode 477 - Ages of Apocalypse

In which reality shatters; Ghost Rider wants friends; Jay’s toddler weighs in on the X-Men; the Phoenix costume is pretty much perfect; Caliban puts all his resources into an epic mount; and the future is so bright you’re gonna need shades.

X-PLAINED:

• The Triune Understanding

• Ages of Apocalypse

• Uncanny X-Men #378

• Cable #77

• Wolverine #148

• X-Men Unlimited #26

• X-Men #98

• Earth-23378

• Things you can leave to people in a will

• The Silver Age, but different

• Apocaclops

• Aliya Dayspring

• Chronological inconsistencies

• Earth-2841

• The Harpy (Betty Ross)

• A very different Fantastic Four

• Earth-32000

• Siphon

• The moon

• Zackat (Wolverine) (long story)

• Erik the Red (more) (again)

• The Ladies Mastermind

• Cadre K

• Earth-32098

• X-World

• The prettiest X-Man

• The moon’s mutant power

NEXT EPISODE: Powerless!

Episode 476 - The Moppets Take Manhattan

In which we remain adamant pro-POG advocates; Artie and Leech have adventures; Firestar and Emma Frost get some resolution; Santa Claus may or may not be the avatar of Cyttorak; Black Tom Cassidy exceeds expectations; and Monet has vampire problems.

X-PLAINED:

• Marvel’s Revolution line

• POGs (somewhat) (again)

• Who’s on Generation X these days

• Generation X #59-62

• Artie and Leech’s adventures in NYC

• Holidays at the Massachusetts Academy

• Cordelia Frost (more) (again)

• Mondo (the real one)

• Santa Claus / Juggernaut disambiguation

• An overly convoluted plot

• Parenting?

• St. Croix family problems

• Vampire problems

• Legacies of Generation X

NEXT EPISODE: Ages of Apocalypse!

Episode 475 - Cross-Time Crisis

In which we wrap up John Francis Moore’s run on X-Force; the Demon Bear returns (kinda); four Moonstars are not in fact better than one; the Queen of Star Swords is an extremely rad villain; and X-Force takes a very contained multiversal tour.

X-PLAINED:

• Multiversal canon

• X-Force #99-100

• The Demon Bear (more) (again)

• Arcadia DeVille (more) (again)

• Mary Weather

• Fenwick

• Meridian

• The Queen of Star Swords

• The Cathedral

• Cable (but not that Cable)

• The X-Forces of several universes

• Earth-3100

• Earth-10003

• Earth-130000

• Earth-8280

• Earth-23100

• Non-mutants on the X-Men

• The provenance of the Brood X-men

NEXT EPISODE: Mondo! (The real one, this time.)

474 - Giant-Size Special #13 (feat. Anthony Oliveira)

In which the Warlock ongoing series is fun, and fun is good; people should maybe leave Doug Ramsey’s grave alone; Tony Stark is probably not in touch with the Indigo Girls; the heroes skate awfully close to the “no killing” line; Bastion gets exhumed, rehumed, and re-exhumed; you should really read the Avengers Academy Infinity Comic; and you remain the best listeners of any podcast, ever.

X-PLAINED:

• X-related characters of Avengers Academy

• Warlock vol. 5, #1-9

• Warlock (more) (again)

• M-Tech

• Jay’s Bluey Test for all-ages media

• The visual semiotics of Warlock
  Project Mainspring

• Hope (Esperanza Ling)

• Chi-Chee

• Psi-cops

• Gatekeepers

• Technarchs

• The transmode virus

• A fancy hat

• Many guest stars

• The Phalanx (more) (again)

• Psiren

• Psimon

• The techno-mechanic virus

• Complicated feelings

• Psycho Man (more) (again)

• Astro-computers

• Hope’s actual powers

• Template

• Magus (more) (again)

• Avengers Academy Marvel Voices Infinity Comic

• Why there are so many Canadian comic-book writers

• Superhero comics vs. religious texts

• Defining heroism

• Escapade

• Captain America of the Railways

• Bloodline

• Red Goblin

• Moon Girl

• Kid Juggernaut

• Blackheart

• Ongoing storytelling

• Emplate as a queer character

• Marcus Wetherell

• What else to read if you love Avengers Academy Marvel Voices Infinity Comic

• The 11th Annual Super Doctor Astronaut Peter Corbeau Awards for Excellence at X-Cellence

• Many people to whom we are profoundly grateful

NEXT EPISODE: The return of the Demon Bear!

Winter Not-So-Special

Because reality is full of things, the Winter Special is… not quite ready. But it will be in a week, and we think you’re going to love it! Apologies for the delay and we’ll see you then!

Episode 473 - The Baker's Dozen

In which you know it’s serious business when a logo gets smashed; the prophecy of the Twelve is an elaborate prank; we have a lot of Summers family feelings; Apocalypse is not a very good planner; and the Twelve reaches its conclusion.

X-PLAINED:

• Who Madelyne Pryor’s psychic ghost really is

• The story so far

• Uncanny X-Men #377

• Cable #76

• X-Men #97

• Perks of immortality

• A slightly gratuitous way to destroy an airplane

• Several doppelgangers

• Apocalypse’s big, stupid plan

• A fancy science machine

• The Atomium

• The Twelve

• The three elements

• The best issue of the Twelve

• Orb action

• Cable’s knowledge of history

• Summers feelings

• How to establish stakes

• Potato storms

• The mutant Skrulls (more) (again)

• Cadre K

• Categories of mutants

• How to beta test an Armageddon machine

• Alpha nerd Charles Xavier

• Weaponized continuity

• The color(s) of Cyclops’s eyes

• How to evoke Uncanny X-Men #137

• An unfortunate twist

• Mundane uses of superpowers

• The Altar

• What would have improved the Twelve

NEXT EPISODE: Winter Special!

Episode 472 - Leave Room for Magneto

In which the Twelve should really be twelve chapters long; Archangel has issues; we continue to bemoan the absence of captions; the X-Men ditch their crossover event for a side quest; Magneto is Genosha’s official chaperone; and we would absolutely elect Emma Frost to a school board.

X-PLAINED:

• What Cable does next

• The event so far

• Wolverine #146-147

• Uncanny X-Men Annual 1999

• Whether the Shadow King is moist

• Why tiny cavemen can’t have nice things

• Numerous flashbacks and allusions

• Archangel’s third-stage evolution

• The Philharmonic Gets Dressed

• Abraham Kieros (again)

• Apocalypse as a self-help guru

• Fully nude Wolverine

• X-51 #8 (briefly)

• Fabian Cortez (more) (again)

• A miracle of magnetism

• Scomp linking

• A big fancy machine

• Exodus (more) (again)

• Mutants we’d like to see in public office

• The (theoretical) Essex administration

NEXT EPISODE: The Twelve concludes!

Episode 471 - Eyebrows and Powers

HALELUJAH! THEY'RE LETTING US POST LINKS AGAIN!

In which we begin our coverage of The Twelve; Scott and Jean get sucked back in AGAIN; Apocalypse probably doesn’t tip; and we have become awfully fond of Cable.

X-PLAINED:

• A codename that deviates from common patterns

• The story so far

• Uncanny X-Men #376

• Cable #75

• X-Men #96

• Fiz the Skrull (again)

• The Twelve

• Foreshadowing, both accurate and otherwise

• The Living Monolith (more) (again)

• That one font

• Time-travel logic

• Cable vs. eyes

• Fabian Cortez (more) (again)

• A trap

• Why the Twelve are the Twelve

• The evolution of Cable

NEXT EPISODE: The Twelve continues!

470 - Large Adult Men

For some damn reason, Patreon STILL won't let me make link posts for our episodes, so here's the link.

In which Cable may or may not have been a spokesperson for AT&T; it’s impossible to draw a CD dramatically; Wolverine gets his adamantium back; Apocalypse says the thing; and we probably can’t keep putting off The Twelve forever.

X-PLAINED:

• One way to dispose of a corpse

• Cable #73-74

• Wolverine #

• Cable (more) (again)

• Poor font choice

• Sarcophagus nipples

• Caliban (more) (again)

• Impromptu tailoring

• A cliched vignette

• People talking on couches

• A compact disc

• Unpleasant reunions

• An impressive outfit

• Prior generations of horsemen of Apocalypse

• Wolverine (more) (again)

• How Wolverine ended up a horseman of Apocalypse

• Apocalypse’s aesthetic

• Wolverine vs. Hulk (yet again)

• Which version of Magik was on Krakoa

• An X-Men pitch in the style of Spidey and his Amazing Friends

NEXT EPISODE: The Twelve begins!