A Maiden's Reward (SFW Oneshot)

Made for Neuron who suggested a black comedy sorta-Arkos thing. Just something I whipped up quickly.

Also, I'm writing up a comedy oneshot series based on 'The Problems with Dating RWBY Girls' by Obsequium Minaris. Except each chapter is Jaune breaking up with a specific RWBY girl and we see how they (very poorly) react to it. Starts off with Blake picketing outside of JNPR's dorm claiming Jaune is racist for breaking up with her and goes from there.

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Things were going quite well. That was the thought that ran through Jaune's head as he walked down Beacon's halls late at night with no one else around. Pyrrha had won the Vytal tournament and she'd cheered up compared to before. He had no idea what the reason for it was, but it seemed to happened at the same time as that transfer student, Cinder something, showed up half-burned and ranting about maidens and what she deserved. Pyrrha just smiled as the school staff took her away.

Weird.

The blonde whistled jauntily with a skip in his step. Things really had gotten better recently. Their first year was almost over and he'd somehow avoided getting expelled or found out for his transcripts. It was all thanks to Pyrrha. She'd spent her time and effort to train him up and didn't give up even when he was a jerk with too much pride. It was only because of her that he'd gotten so far.

She was such a good friend.

A clap of lightning struck overhead and the power went out. Jaune sighed and didn't even pretend to act surprised. The sudden lightning storms had been happening a lot recently. Weirdly, it only showed up every time he thought about what a good, platonic, practically-like-sister friend Pyrrha was.

Another lightning strike. Jaune stopped himself from jumping and steeled his resolve. Well, whatever! He didn't care if the universe hated his relationship with Pyrrha! He'd fight anyone if it meant keeping his totally-platonic friendship intact!

He'd just finished making that declaration when a bug was slung over his head.

Jaune didn't know how long he spent struggling in what felt like mid-air. It could've been hours, days, maybe even weeks and months. In the end, he found himself non-too-gently dropped onto a chair with his hands tied behind his back, "I won't give up!" he shouted defiantly, "It doesn't matter how many hours you keep me suspended! I'll fight even longer if I have to!"

"Mr Arc, you were in the air for only five seconds." A familiar voice said.

...

"I'll still keep fighting!" Jaune said, ignoring the slight embarrassment he felt, "Wait, who said that? You sound familiar!"

A sigh came from his right, this time from a voice he definitely didn't recognize, "You should've worn a voice modifier, Oz."

"And I told you this was a stupid idea, but you insisted." The familiar voice sighed back, "Just...take that bag off his head, would you?"

The bag was pulled away roughly and Jaune winced at the glare of the singular lightbulb overhead. The place looked...actually, he didn't even know. Somehow, the lightbulb only lit up a small circle around him and literally nothing else. Everything looked like it was in a shadowy void. And he thought Ruby was exaggerating when she said Goodwitch interrogated her in the netherrealm.

In front of him were probably the most terrifying people to see when you were tied up. Okay, maybe not Headmaster Ozpin and the guy in the white uniform, but definitely Professor Goodwitch. Unless it was one of those fantasies he'd had on some late night...what? He was a growing young man and Professor Goodwitch was hot. It wasn't his fault that Nora was together-together (despite her denials) with Ren and Pyrrha was someone he'd never see romantically if they were the last two people on Remnant.

Another lightning strike. The lightbulb dimmed but surprisingly managed to not go out.

"Are you quite sure this is a good idea?" Professor Goodwitch asked the headmaster and the General looking guy.

"Maybe not the way James intended, but yes." The headmaster nodded and looked Jaune in the eyes, "Good evening, Mr. Arc. Apologies for the rough treatment."

"Uh...sure." He moved his hands. Man, those ropes were tight, "So...why am I here?"

"Yes, that is the matter that we're getting to." The Headmaster nodded again, "Tell me, Jaune, what is your favorite fairy ta-"

"No, no, no. We're not doing this again." Professor Goodwitch shook her head.

"You do this every time. It's not mysterious, Oz, it's just annoying." James pinched the bridge of his nose.

"You two never let me have any fun." The Headmaster pouted. Yes, really.

"This is serious. We don't have time for games." Professor Goodwitch pursed her lips.

"Quite." James walked in front of Jaune and looked down at him. He would've been lying if he said he wasn't intimidated, "Mr. Arc, we require you to conduct a task of utmost importance. One that is critical to the continued safety of Remnant as we know it."

Jaune raised both brows and looked past the giant to where the Headmaster and Professor Goodwitch stood. They both had dead-serious expressions, "Oh..." Jaune gasped. Was this the part where they told him he had a secret bloodline and a great destiny? He'd always wanted it to happen, but he didn't think it ever would. Well, he was ready to save the world! Bring it on!

"We need you to date a certain someone," James said gravely.

...

What?

"It's someone you know very well," the Headmaster continued, voice equally serious, "I dare say the sight of her crimson hair has likely been embedded in your memory. I wouldn't be surprised if you were thinking of her now. She's someone who has made numerous sacrifices for the safety of others and yet has gained so little in return. But you could change that, Jaune. You could make her the happiest girl on Remnant."

Crimson hair? Someone he knew well? His eyes widened and he gasped in realization.

"You guys want me to date Ruby?" Jaune asked, "But...why? How does that save Remnant? And wait, does she even count as a redhead? It's kinda just her tips, right?"

"I...no, Jaune, we're not talking about Ms. Rose." The headmaster sighed.

Not Ruby? But who else... oh! "You guys want me to date Nora?!" He looked at them all, completely aghast, "Why would you think I'd ever betray Ren like that! No way! He's my brother from another mother! I refuse!"

"We're not talking about Ms. Valkyrie either," the Headmaster sounded frustrated.

"Uh...I'm lost then. Wait, are you three talking about Ruby's weird friend? What was her name again? Cent?"

"Her name is Penny, and if you even think about dating her, I will ensure you spend the rest of your life in an Atlesian supermax prison," James said. The fact that he looked completely calm as he said that made Jaune shiver.

"Oh for the love of-" Professor Goodwitch groaned, "We're talking about Ms. Nikos. Pyrrha. We want you to date Pyrrha."

"Pyrrha?" Jaune blinked, trying to process her words...then laughed. The three kidnappers looked at one another worriedly, "You want me to date Pyrrha?"

"Yes, Mr. Arc. She has-"

"Yeah, no." Another clap of lightning, "She's like...well, she's my best friend! Practically a sister!" The light dimmed again. He could barely see the three in front of him now, "Like I'd help her with anything, but dating her? That's like...breaking some fundamental law of the universe or something. You wouldn't date your family, right? This is Vale. not Patch."

Elsewhere on campus, Yang felt the sudden urge to cave Jaune's head in for perpetuating negative stereotypes.

The three looked at one another in silence before the headmaster's shoulders sagged, "Well, we can't say we didn't try. Time for Plan B."

Jaune didn't get the chance to ask what they meant before the bag was slung over his head.

At another part of campus, Pyrrha sighed as she made her way back to team JNPR's dorm. She and Jaune were the only two there. Nora and Ren had taken an early leave to make their daily pilgrimage to Ren's hometown, leaving just her and her partner to spend their last couple of weeks in school with no one but each other (and team RWBY...) for company.

It should've been perfect. Things had turned out far better than she would've thought. The Aura transfer hadn't interfered with her personality in any way and that awful Cinder woman was in a deep, dark hole with none of the Maiden powers left to her. She was gifted a magical ability to help people. It felt as if she was finally fulfilling her destiny.

Sadly, she'd hit a block with something equally important...

Pyrrha sighed as her thoughts drifted to Jaune. Having two weeks alone with him should've been the perfect chance to take their relationship to the next level, and yet she found herself clamming up again without the looming threat of personality erasure hanging over her head. Without the time limit, she'd gone back to her previous bad habits of dithering and thking of excuses on how she didn't want to ruin their friendship.

Even worse, it seemed as if her power made her more in tune with the feelings of those close to her...especially a certain dense knight who practically screamed about how she was just a friend, the best partner, and practically-a-sister in all but name. That last one stung the most, and every declaration caused a bolt of lightning to strike down from the heavens. She couldn't help how she felt. She knew it was immature and irresponsible considering her new role, but still.

Pyrrha shook her head and clapped both of her cheeks hard. No more excuses, she told herself. She'd talk to Jaune and tell him exactly how she felt. She'd never lost before, and she didn't plan to do that now.

With her head held high, she entered team JNPR's dorm room and stopped at the sight before her. There Jaune was, half naked with only his jeans as cover. He was bound from head to toe in dark red ribbons with his mouth gagged. He tried to scream at her for help, but all that came out were muffled screams and groans. She stepped forward and hesitantly picked up the card taped to his chest.

"Dear Ms. Nikos. We had a talk with Jaune and came to an understanding regarding your feelings for him. Please consider this a reward for your selflessness in taking the role of Maiden. Regards, the Headmaster."

Pyrrha looked between the note and the clearly struggling Jaune...and smiled. Well, she did tell herself she'd be more assertive...

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Poor Jaune. And yes, I am aware this would be more disturbing if you swapped the two around, but people seem cool with it so whatever. I'm almost done writing up the next chapter of Surviving Women. 

Anyway, hope you enjoy this short crack thing. Gonna do Surviving Women next then the 'Breaking up with RWBY Girls' fic.