Stumbling Up: A Loser's Guide to Progression - Chapter 31: Earth and Other Oddities

“So, can someone tell me what the big deal about Rhi Voss is? She’s a witch?” Meredeath asked, as we walked away from the crater of our last adventure.

I beat Tandy to the punch, "We will, if you explain a little more about coming from another world."

"Yeah, is that why you need a [Sponsor] and the rest of us don't?" Tandy chimed in, giving me a fist bump for my pro-offered trade.

The forest was quietly beautiful. We'd hiked down into the tree line, leaving Malyc to find Ched and pick up the shattered pieces left from our fight with the corrupt guardian.

The hike was peaceful. We were surrounded by the giant firs and cedars common to Woodsten. Moss coated the trunks, and ferns displayed their leaves like offerings to the sun. The damp decay and cedar smells mixed with the chirps of bugs and the occasional knock of a woodpecker.

I was home. A place I wasn't sure I'd ever see again, face down in the shitty [Trial Dungeon]. Everything was crystal clear. The sunlight glistened off the dew, highlighting mushrooms and moths alike. My senses were hyperaware of our environment, and, for a moment, I wondered if I was having a stroke.

My focus snapped back to Meredeath as she began talking.

"What do you want to know? Outside of describing my world, I don't know any more than you. I would love to know how I got here and how I could get home.” She fingered her pendant, lost in thought. Shaking her head, she returned to the conversation, “My home doesn't have a system and rules." Her voice sounded lost, a stark contrast to the feelings in my heart.

"So you just woke up here?" Tandy started at the beginning.

"Yeah, I honestly don't remember anything about the day I woke up. Is this normal? I'm assuming it was some portal? An interdimensional wormhole?" Meredeath shrugged. "Hell, I don't know if this is a multiverse thing, a whole different world, or if I'm just in a coma at Stormont Vail."

"Stormont Vale sounds epic," Leo said.

"It's a hospital."

"Oh."

Each step wound us out of the mountains, towards Woodsten. The route to the swampy domain of the bone lady wasn't so much of a route as a general southeastern direction from Woodsten. No one went into the swamp intentionally.

"Okay, so you don't know how you got here. Why on earth did you become an [Adventurer]? It's dangerous," Tandy said, bringing us back to the conversation.

"See, you said it again: Earth. I can't tell if you're saying my word, or if," she waved at her head, "there's some magic translating what you call your world to the same thing I call mine."

Was that even possible?

"I didn't pick [Adventurer]. Your system informed me that I needed to report to a Guild Administrator within two weeks, or there would be consequences. Your system is a... has a lot of charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and talent." Meredeath's words didn't make sense. What was nerve? She continued, "The [Adventurer's] Guild didn't know what to do with me, so they threw me into the trials. The first attempt didn't go well, so they sent me down here to try this portal."

It just didn't make sense? Forcing someone new to a world into a death game was like throwing a perfectly fine carrot into the compost. The [Adventurer's] guild had always preyed on the fantasies of youth and promise. No one considered their advertising of adventure anything but scammy recruitment hype. The Leon Orrens of the world were the exception, not the rule.

"So, does your world not have an [Adventurer's] Guild?" Leo asked.

Meredeath gave a self-deprecating chuckle. "No, my world doesn't even have monsters or dungeons. At least not monster-filled labyrinths." She paused for a moment as though questioning if that was true. "Our monsters are people, our dungeons... money and the grind? It's not like this."

We had money, too, but the grind sounded awful.

"We have books that talk about different worlds,” Meredeath said. “All fiction, of course, none of us has been to another world. Well, except for a couple of old guys who went to the moon. It's just the raving imagination of authors tattooing it on the bones of trees."

My mind shuddered at the thought of trees having bones.

"You're talking about books, right?" Tandy said dryly, and at Meredeath's nod, I once again felt like an idiot.

"Do people from your world look like you?" Leo asked, without an ounce of shame.

"Like a woman?" Meredeath responded dryly.

Meredeath’s sarcasm went right over Leo’s head as he explained, "No, like the chains and... black? The stuff around your eyes and uh..." His face turned crimson as he tried to explain her chest.

I'd heard of folks dressing with less, but in Woodsten, we were in wool country, and winters were cold. Meredeath was definitely going to be identified as an outsider.

"Oh, my clothes? Yeah, this is normal fare where I come from." She looked at me as she finished her thought, "You should see what the men dress like."

How hard had that lightning hit me during the fight? Was she actually flirting with me?

Are you still in there, or did your brain leak out of your ears?

"He speaks!" I announced, fervently hoping his comment had only been directed at me. Richard had been pouting since we'd decided to visit the bone lady.

"Finally!" Meredeath said, rifling around in her bag to pull out a chunk of mushroom. "I've got a treat for you, if you're done sulking." She held out a mushroom with a purple head and white base. It was one of Richard's favorites.

Ah, a meal for a king! I love wine cap mushrooms. Cole, I told you we're keeping Meredeath, right?

"If we're keeping Meredeath, that means we're going to have to talk to the bone lady." My life had gotten weird.

Fine. You can talk to Rhi, but I have nothing to say to her.

"First name basis with the scary lady?” I teased my slug. “No one was expecting you to talk. Hell, I'm half expecting to die. I didn't think the bone lady was real, just a nightmare whispered to scare children."

Oh, she’s real.

Tandy had handed out more of her dried fruit and nut granola bars. Trail rations were rough, and Tandy had never been known for her cooking. My stomach was happy, but my taste buds yearned for the Ram's Horn and Marta's cooking.

Hell, I'd even take my cooking.

"Alright, I've answered your questions. I even got the slug to talk. Now, what is the big deal about this bone lady?"

Not - munch - it.

Richard opened his slimy mouth and took a gluttonous bite of the purple shroom cap.

"Well, Richard…" I tried, but Richard interrupted me.

CHOMP - CHOMP - CHOMP.

"…isn't willing to share any vital information with us, that he obviously knows. But we can fill you in on the rest of it. Rhi Voss is a legend, a monster, and a nightmare all rolled into one. There are a lot of stories, any mam has their own version passed down. That's why it's hard to believe she's real. If she's the same bone lady, she's been alive for hundreds of years."

"I mean, you're being kind of vague. What does she do to people? Can we even find her in a month?" Meredeath asked.

“You don’t find her, she finds you,” Leo whispered the adage.

Leo and I had explored the edge of the swamp once. A cold, lingering fog enveloped gnarled trees and moss-covered rocks that resembled ancient gravestones rebelling against the earth. I shivered, goosebumps running down my arms. Were we really doing this?

Nonplussed, Tandy began listing some of the stories. She’d never believed in those old fairy tales.

"She lures people into her swamp to perform experiments. She curses men, causing all sorts of problems from balding to impotence to turning them into worms. She is a cannibal, a dream walker, a necromancer. Some claim she's a blind seer who uses ravens to spy. Or black cats, or cockroaches? She has three nipples, or none.” Each point ticked off during Tandy’s recitation had a dozen stories about it. “There are so many stories about her, it's hard to keep them all separate."

"Sounds like she's a real witch. I like her already,” Meredeath said.

Meredeath would. I rescind my approval of Meredeath being on the team. Kick her off, Cole.

Meredeath gave me an amused smile, "You kicking me off the team?"

"I'll note, Richard, you're only having this opinion now that your mushroom is done. Also, I don't have the right to kick anyone off the team; that's Tandy's job." I firmly dodged any and all responsibility.

Wait… you mean I've been sucking up to the wrong teammate this whole time?

"Har har, very funny. But we should think of a plan, maybe over dinner?" I said, my stomach rumbling in emphasis.

"I was thinking of dropping by your parents’ place," Tandy said.

What?! No!

I tried to play it cool.

"Why not go into town? We do not need to bother my folks on a..." I'd forgotten what day of the week it was.

"On a Sunday?" Leo asked, grinning.

Shit. Was it Sunday? Sunday night dinners were a thing in my family. Tandy and Leo had spent many Sunday nights at my house eating and playing games. The Thornfield Sunday dinner was a complete experience.

"I was hoping we'd go into town," I said.

Leo elbowed me. He pointed at Tandy, whose back was to us, "Not everyone's going to be happy we're [Adventurers]. Give us one last Sunday dinner, man. We're fighting a nightmare tomorrow. Enjoy today."

I nodded. Leo was right from his perspective. To a man with no family, Sunday dinners with mine were always something he cherished.

He’d never had to live in the chaos or the judgment.

He was right, though. Our world was changing, and our life expectancy was dropping rapidly. This might be the last Sunday dinner for me… ever.

Wait, now that was a cheery thought.