A public service announcement regarding Covid 19 coronavirus

Hello, everyone. As you may have already heard, this past weekend I diagnosed myself with Covid 19 coronavirus by swabbing my mucus onto a swab, swirling said mucus in a clear liquid, dropping the mucus liquid onto a testing strip, and consulting written documentation informing me that the two lines that appeared on the strip indicated I had Covid 19 coronavirus.

I began experiencing symptoms late Saturday night, after walking back home from my church's carnival where the band Sugar Ray performed several of their hit songs and also someone else's hit song ("All the Small Things" by Blink 182, throughout which the lead singer of Sugar Ray, Mr. Mark McGrath, repeatedly shouted the name of his own band, Sugar Ray, possibly to avoid confusing the audience).

I do not believe the timing suggests I contracted Covid 19 coronavirus at the carnival, so please do not launch a "flame war" against Sugar Ray. Yes, it is true that more appropriate music could have been played at the church carnival. But Mr. McGrath is a very generous member of our spiritual community, having recently purchased an even louder bell for our bell tower. I am not interested in besmirching him or his band.

If anything, it is I who was the public danger, as I likely was already carrying the Covid 19 coronavirus inside my bodily person when I attended the carnival. I was rather cautious at this outdoor event, but I did lower my mask twice: once to consume a hot dog and once to ask someone where I could throw out my hot dog wrapper. Hopefully these transgressions did not lead to the carnival becoming a "super spreader" event.

I thought perhaps the headache, body aches, and lightheadedness I felt upon my arrival home might simply be known side effects of having seen and heard Sugar Ray perform, but I took a Covid 19 coronavirus test anyway. The test showed a negative result, so I donned my night dress and sleeping cap relatively comforted that my symptoms would pass.

Unfortunately, by mid-day Sunday my symptoms had intensified, plus I began experiencing a heavy cough and sore throat. No one on the Sugar Ray subreddit could confirm with me that these are common results of concert attendance (and many seemed frankly offended at the suggestion), so I took another test and experienced the experience I recounted at the beginning of this message.

Thankfully, I am feeling much better now. I had two very difficult days, but my doctor eventually prescribed me an experimental new anti-Covid 19 coronavirus medication called  Paxlovid. Vice President Kamala Harris recently came under some criticism for taking the same medication after her own Covid 19 coronavirus diagnosis instead of quietly passing away from the illness like a woman of the people. Personally, I am glad she took it. And I am glad I took it, as well. It very quickly alleviated most of my symptoms. If you find yourself in a similar medical situation in the future, strongly consider asking your doctor or unlicensed faith healer to prescribe you Paxlovid. (Full disclosure: I have barely received any money from the Pfizer corporation to write this.)

What does this medical setback mean for my investigation? The most immediate impact is that I was forced to postpone the ceremony at the San Bernardino McDonald's museum wherein I would transfer ownership of the McDonald's Pizza manual. For maximum safety, I have done so by two weeks. This does, however, pose a certain logistical problem. I intended for the episode of my program featuring this historic ceremony to be the equally historic Episode #250 (once again breaking the world record for longest-running podcast). This is still the plan, though it forces me to take the unorthodox step of not giving new numbers to any episodes produced in the meantime. They will be Episode #249a, Episode #249b, etc. As such, they cannot meet the same standard of quality as a traditionally numbered episode. I have not decided what unorthodox format they will take, but I have plenty of time to think about it as I continue to isolate.

Thank you for your patience, and please stay healthy.