Why Millennials and Gen Z Are Going No Contact With Their Parents
Added 2024-08-19 12:00:14 +0000 UTC
Comments
Honestly to amir and everyone else I'm sorry you had the traumatic experiences you've had I'm over here in my emotions remembering all the times my parents weren't there and I needed their help and was left to deal with my worst emotions alone I hope you all are happier than you've ever been as sappy as that sounds
timothy hawley
2024-09-16 19:21:12 +0000 UTC*with their own traumas that no one told them how to address. Our relationship is still distant but I’m hopeful about how we can repair and do better now that I’ve been getting better on my own
Morgan
2024-09-03 17:35:31 +0000 UTCOne of the hardest things I had to learn is that my parents were just people, and honestly kids themselves wi
Morgan
2024-09-03 17:33:31 +0000 UTCSo true on not being able to change another person. We can't always change what happens to us but we can change how we react to something. That doesn't mean accepting bad behaviors. It means the bad behaviors won't touch our minds and hearts when we realize we are masters of them and not someone else. Picture the scene in the ancient movie, "The Matrix" where Neo discovers he can control the flow of information. He can effortlessly dodge and deflect the baddest swings from Agent Smith. Bullets stop in front of him and he wills them to drop to the ground. When we truly know we control our emotions and not our parents, we also have this power. We reach a new stage in our adulting level-up progress.
John LeDuc
2024-08-23 00:57:09 +0000 UTCFor those feeling pressured to open the doors with family members who have left your circle of trust - Would you encourage your best friend or your child to spend time with an abuser? If not, don't ask yourself to do that. Treat yourself like any other person you've sworn to protect. Future you would surely guide you to a safer path given the opportunity. Be that future you now.
John LeDuc
2024-08-23 00:27:15 +0000 UTCI'm just a few minutes into this video so I'll comment more in the thread as I go thru this. However as an older gen-xer I know we in my generation need to learn how to apologize properly. Our boomer parents would never do such a thing to their kids (us) so learning how to do this with our children is new territory. All of our adult lives are spent recovering from our childhood. That's true for everyone. When we parents can truly and honestly acknowledge our shortcomings to our children without trauma dumping on them, we open the door for renewed contact. The act of proper apology takes these steps. 1. Saying "I'm sorry." Period. Not "I'm sorry that...", "I'm sorry you...", "I'm sorry it seems...". Just "I'm sorry." 2. Acknowledge what I did to cause harm. Not "we" or "they" or anyone else. I did a thing to cause harm. What was that thing? 3. Acknowledge the harm the action had on the person I'm apologizing to. Pain is real, whether or not the scars are visible. 4. State what will be done to make up for this or prevent it from happening again. However, sometimes there is no second time or chance. In that case admit that. 5. Ask the person to forgive but not for my sake. Forgiveness is for the person who was harmed. They should not continue to carry the pain and suffering. 6. Acknowledge that the other person may never trust me again and if so, that's understandable. But if they forgive the wrongdoing they can live a better life, even if it's without me. So something like, "I'm sorry. I was very hard on you growing up. My punishments were too much. I should have listened more and reacted less. I know it hurt your feelings, your body, and your self worth. I will listen more carefully if you'll let me and will take more time to think about a response instead of just reacting to my emotions. If you can forgive my past actions I pray you'll feel better about what has happened. But forgiveness doesn't mean forgetfulness. If you feel I'm slipping into bad behaviors please let me know. I want to be better for you and for us. If you'd rather not contact me, I understand. I'm here if you ever want to reach out."
John LeDuc
2024-08-23 00:04:31 +0000 UTCI personally have a good relationship with my parents (Even though my father has issues he used to be WAY worse) but I've always understood that not everyone gets to have that. I also know that if my parents randomly turned into psychopaths I wouldn't put up with it either, I try my best to always hold everyone around me to the same standards. I would never expect someone to keep themselves in a poisonous environment just because "Oh but they're your parents!".
WhatIsTheCharacterLimitttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt
2024-08-20 12:06:11 +0000 UTCIn the UK, having a will is encouraged and normal. Most senior adults in the UK own property. In the absence of a will, the estate goes to the next surviving family member/s. My friend's mother died at age 95 and he was the only surviving child (dad died earlier) He got over £780,000 after tax that he never expected. He said he was very sad about the death of his mother but, the money was a great comfort!
Simon Horwell
2024-08-20 09:29:08 +0000 UTCFun fact: The saying "blood is thicker than water" is actually one of those cases where it was shortened in a way that the meaning is now misunderstood. As I understand it, the original phrase was "blood in the dirt is thicker than water in the womb"; it was referring to the fact that those who would bleed and die for you are more worthwhile bonds to uphold than those who are simply just related to you. I think this is the case anyhow, I could be wrong; but I heard this somewhere once and I love it.
Jerbl Muffin
2024-08-20 03:02:40 +0000 UTCOh yeah. One hundred percent. It's hard. People are complex and I try to give the benefit of the doubt to both sides. Unless it's obvious that one party is a problem. Lol
Sarah Maja
2024-08-19 21:06:47 +0000 UTCYeah, I couldn't either! As a child, I never had to want for anything, even though I didn't have a silver spoon in my mouth - I'm the plainest plane Jane you'll ever encounter: yoga pants, UGGS, oversized T-shirts and a head wrap 6.8 days a week - summer comes, switch the UGGS for flip flops lol - I say all that to say....it's obvious money doesnt make my world go around and I'll never understand those that sell their soul and put up with most toxic behaviors just to get a few pesos/duckets/scrilla/chedda/euros/yen.....in the end! My mental health and peace is not worth sacrificing!
VERONICA LIGON-CRAVIN
2024-08-19 21:05:28 +0000 UTCWow! That was unapologetically the absolute truth for some people! I give kudos to you for speaking your truth or a truth that you know to be a reality for some.
VERONICA LIGON-CRAVIN
2024-08-19 20:56:53 +0000 UTCOmg! I love it! I 250% agree with you!!! I think we've been conditioned for the most part to see things in an either/or situation: it's either your fault or mine and life just isn't that black and white! I really feel for you and your situation and have experienced a similar, but slightly different, although close enough situation myself (oxymoron much?) - it's heartbreaking, frustrating, pisses you off, and about 599 other emotions too! I had to get to a point where I had no choice but to accept that people have to walk their own path and take their own journey and i had to have faith that ultimately their eyes would be opened to rhe truth!
VERONICA LIGON-CRAVIN
2024-08-19 20:55:33 +0000 UTCI have such mixed feelings on this. I'm NC with my parents and step-parents for a lot of reasons, and I did fight for those relationships. But. I have one child who is NC with me because my ex is exactly like my parents. I don't blame my daughter because she just wanted her dad to love her, but I took us to therapy and she couldn't even name one thing I did wrong and needed to make amends for. We would make progress, then she would spend time with her dad and would become abusive to me and my son again. My point is that sometimes it's the kid who is the problem. It's so complicated sometimes.
Sarah Maja
2024-08-19 16:18:12 +0000 UTCThanks Amir! I appreciate you covering this topic because it was definitely a last resort for me. It is what it is honestly. I'm very grateful for my dad!
Candace
2024-08-19 15:54:35 +0000 UTCNot at all!
Amir Odom
2024-08-19 14:28:56 +0000 UTCI’m glad you’re there for him!
Amir Odom
2024-08-19 14:28:51 +0000 UTCEnjoy it!!!! Seriously it’s something a lot of people take for granted.
Amir Odom
2024-08-19 14:28:34 +0000 UTCFuck lol. You’re better off now ✨
Amir Odom
2024-08-19 14:28:11 +0000 UTCInsane. Sorry you dealt with this!
Amir Odom
2024-08-19 14:27:44 +0000 UTCThat’s if they even have a will, you’d be surprised at the amount of parents with no will or savings. Regardless, I personally couldn’t imagine staying around just for money lol.
Amir Odom
2024-08-19 14:26:46 +0000 UTCIf you cut-off from your parent/s, you may also lose a lot of money when they die. I appreciate that sounds cold but, its reality - reject your elderly parents and you can forget about being included in the will.
Simon Horwell
2024-08-19 13:06:29 +0000 UTCThere's some points that that I don't agree with, such as when the girl stated that "nobody expects you to provide a trauma free childhood.....but we expect you to take accountability". (paraphrasing) - well, that's a nice statement and I understand the desire behind it HOWEVER, one needs to remember that some people don't have the ability to even acknowledge or admit they've done anything wrong due to denial, trauma they've experienced or any other number of reasons! So with that being said, yes, a person - whether an adult child or a parent - needs to recognize the situation and do what's best for them but in the same breath, also have the ability to understand that the parent may have something going on that prevents them from being who you think they should or should've been - u see standing, forgiving and having compassion doesn't mean you're justifying the behavior or excusing it - what it does mean is that you've reached a level of emotional intelligence that no longer allows other people's bad behavior affect you in the way that it did - but like you said, it's a two way street - everyone involved has a responsibility, even if it's only to yourself!
VERONICA LIGON-CRAVIN
2024-08-19 13:03:24 +0000 UTCHow bout this one: Parents EXPECTING you to respect them JUST BECAUSE they're your parents!! Ummmm......sorry - 1. A "title" does not EN-title you to anything! and. 2. Nobody (or a lot of people) has the exact same definition of "respect" - what respect looks like to one, someone else may not see it that way! And I've noticed that they're people who love to change the definition of "respect" so that it either benefits them in the situation or gives them some kind of petty ammunition!
VERONICA LIGON-CRAVIN
2024-08-19 12:37:37 +0000 UTCI had to do this with my mom. I tried everything I could to have a relationship with her but she is way too cluster b. Impossible. She also lied to me my whole life about my dad so now I am very close to my dad.
Candace
2024-08-19 12:28:54 +0000 UTCI fought very hard to have a relationship with my dad and then when I came out he ended the relationship 😂
Matt H
2024-08-19 12:28:15 +0000 UTCThis makes me so sad. I have such a great relationship with my parents. Always have. I speak with them every day at least 3 to 4 times a day (a result of living by myself, I get bored)
Iris
2024-08-19 12:23:51 +0000 UTCI blocked my older sister because she is a bully. Her oldest son still contacts me once in a while. But, I feel bad cutting him off because as a child, his mother abuses him.
Lena Williams
2024-08-19 12:18:10 +0000 UTCSo I’m not the only one.
Clairètte83
2024-08-19 12:14:20 +0000 UTC
