A Crazy Busy Week

It's been a crazy busy week with subbing for three classes, but now I have the next few days free to catch up on my work here. My goal is to complete a pretty strict schedule of releases and try to make it  a regular thing; hopefully three pages a day, but that hasn't been easy to achieve, yet.

Here's what you can expect from me and I think I can get it done as intended, which makes me very happy. Doing this is hard work, but I get a lot of joy out of it, I truly love doing this. My family, especially my father, thinks life is all about money and the only joy he has is making more money. You're only worth the money you bring in. It's always been a struggle for me, having to justify myself and my life choices when I never made the kind of money he and my siblings and their spouses have all made.

Due to life circumstances, I hadn't had the means to get my Bachelor's Degree and become a full-time teacher, I'm a substitute with a meager Associate's Degree in Liberal Studies and that's the way it is. For years, now, I've tried showing them that I can write books. The question I always got: How much (money) did you make? Well, not much. My last Amazon tax return said $81.40 for the year of 2021; it really is pitiful. A full day of teaching a class nets me $100, which isn't bad. However, the work isn't guaranteed daily and the schedule rotates with other subs.

My biggest mistake, however, was valuing my work here only for the money. My father asked, as he always does, how much money I'm making and whether I think it's worth the time I put into it. I felt depressed for a while after that whole conversation and I even toyed with the idea of quitting this labor of love, throwing everything I enjoy away just because I'm not super wealthy like everyone else. That was weeks ago, now, and while his words still sting, I've come to a major conclusion. I don't care what he thinks.

While I've always tried to win his approval only to see his attention lavished on every family member except me, I have decided that I don't care about what he thinks regarding my income. He's not perfect, either. Money doesn't make you the greatest person. It's about the joy you get from what you do. It's pretty cool getting assigned a new classroom each day (or most days, there's obviously classrooms I've been to multiple times) that I work, helping out kids as many inspirational teachers had for me years ago; but actually not all that long ago, damn time flies.

Most of all, I enjoy doing this work. I enjoy this wild wrestling world I've created with all of you. I've been a fan of wrestling, WWE and TNA, since I was a child watching with my father and my brother; my sister and my mother were never as into it as we were. The women of wrestling always caught my attention, despite how poorly they were utilized at the time. Strong and beautiful women capable of over-coming the odds and attaining championships. My first girl crush was Torrie Wilson. While everyone fawned over Trish Stratus and Lita, I was in love with Torrie; and she still looks great, hopefully she'll be in this month's Royal Rumble.

Would I like to have more Patrons? Sure. And I had felt dejected when I'd seen how many had left me in a year; over 40. And I feel guilty when I post only one page or none at all some days, because I know I want to do so much more and I know many Patrons expect more out of me; my biggest complaint is that I'm not as active as they would expect, but I do try to be and even if I didn't post much, chances are I've worked on a few things behind-the-scenes.

Had I another way to pay the monthly payments for the loan I took out to buy the computer I had to buy to do this work, I would do this for free; but I think $1 is the minimum on Patreon, if I'm wrong then yeah I'd do it for free if it make sense.

I know I've sort of been all over the place with this long message, but this is a glimpse at how my mind works, it's crazy and all over the place. I'll be surprised if anyone reads this whole thing because it's so long it's practically a short story; believe it or not, I text like this, too, not always this long (sometimes, yes, I've been known to max out the wordcount for a single message and still have to add a little more in a follow-up message) but I tend to be very concise, grammatical. I honestly forgot the point I was originally making in this message.

Anyhow, If you haven't figured this out about me, yet, then I'll just tell you that I'm a deeply emotional and sensitive woman. I wear my heart on my sleeve. When I'm happy, you'll know it. When I'm depressed, you'll know it. Is it oversharing? I don't know. This is who I am and I say how I feel, honestly. And when I say that I am grateful for your support, I truly mean that I am grateful.

Thank you for your support.

Sincerely,

Gabi Urbanov

Note: According to the time stamp in this photo and the time it is now, this whole message took an hour to write. I found that interesting.