Desk of Reck: Some Days... are Harder than Others...

It's been a quieter week from me, and I wanted tell you why... not because I feel obligated to, but because grief is a tricky thing. Sometimes you need to hide. Sometimes you need to share.

I lost my eldest daughter, Miranda, about a year ago. It was very sudden. She lost her life in a drunk driving car accident. She was twenty-two and really on the cusp of her life. Last year Jen and I lived a horror no parent should have to.

There was a time period that I wasn't really sure I'd ever be able to write again. After months of failing to write the sequel to Potions and Perils, I decided to try short stories. Part of my problem was finding the will to write, and part of the problem was my short term memory was shot. Grief has this weird way of making days blur together. And I couldn't remember what I wrote the day before much less the week before. Which makes it very hard to write a novel.

So I decided to try short stories -- because who cares what you wrote yesterday? Today's a new story. It worked. It pulled me out of my grief... enough. I feel like I still struggle with my memory some days, which is why I have a very expansive spreadsheet tracking stuff (and why I'm always grateful when you all point out inconsistencies).

My next act, as a writer, was to write Stumbling Up. I wanted something different something to push myself and something light, comedic. A glow worm in the dark.

Jen reminded me today that Miranda would have loved Stumbling Up. When I told them that there's no way Miranda would have read something this nerdy, they agreed... but reminded me that she shared my sense of humor and would have loved Richard, and all the jokes... and would have maybe listened to the audio :).

At the con, many folks noticed the hedgehog tattoo on my arm and commented about how cute it was. Thank you for that. Sometimes I shared that it was her memorial tattoo - I'd found the sketch in her journal. Some of the time I just smiled, and said, "Isn't it adorable?" Either way, whether I felt like explaining or not, it felt good that Miranda was seen for a moment.

Miranda's favorite color was yellow growing up. At some point her room was such a bright yellow it glowed. My Maximillian sunflowers bloomed these last couple weeks (see the picture on the post). They're covered in butterflies and lightening bugs.

I don't know if I have some cosmic understanding to end this note on. We are all on our journeys in life... until we're not.

Be kind to yourself.