Whelp, here it is. The beginning of something (hopefully) beautiful. I hope you enjoy the tiny, itsy bitsy, minuscule progress that I've made.
I might change the Patron tier benefits depending on how things go with my spine and my healthcare. I really don't want to, but it might be necessary in the future. The only change would be moving access to videos and "Patron only livestreams" up to the "3 dollar peeps" tier. I will definitely give everyone an advance warning if I end up making those changes.
I hope you're all doing great and THANK YOU so much for being spectacular people! I love jumping on Patreon and getting messages from people. I'm not the most active person online, but I'm doing my best to change that. Floob on!
I haven't been doing very well, lately. Anyone who tells you different is me, and they'd be lying... and like I said, I won't lie to you. So....
Yeah, I haven't been doing very well at all. And I hate to say that because you guys have been helping me so much. So fuxking much, but my pain is more than anyone, including myself, was really prepared for or signing up for. So, please. If this isn't what you signed up for, then I absolutely won't hold it against you if you bounce. I'd like to bounce too, but I cannot. So, here we are. Instead, I'd like to focus on those of you that didn't sign up for this but are still here. I don't have the mental capacity to understand how to begin to thank you. I can't even think of how to start... you are all my heroes, and you mean family to me. I feel, about you, as I do about my family. We may not talk all the time, or ever, but I fucking love you.
Stephen King and his crazy writing have been giving me ideas. If I can ever cease this tremendous back pain long enough to do it, I'd like to remix Teddy Bears Picnic. Those of you who have read Billy Summers will get that insider reference. Those of you who haven't read Billy Summers, you don't know what you're missing.
I will always, am always, and will forever do my best to provide my interpretation of life, love, pain, experience, through music. Just as soon as I can get this pain out of the way. It comes and goes in waves, among other things.
Also; this pain is like when you have an exposed nerve root in your mouth, except it's allllllllll over my body most of the time. Do not even joke about a root canal. I will destroy you.
I'm particularly happy with how this video turned out and have discovered some new tricks that I'll be using for all videos in the future. I hope you like it!
We did it! MC2022 and SiN3 are done! Thank you all for your support, understanding, and encouragement throughout this last year. It has meant everything. I apologize for not mentioning you guys more often. This is something that I intend to remedy with future projects going forward.
So, what's next? 1. I have been lucky enough to be able to work with someone who is endlessly patient and supportive to my ongoing health concerns. But the time has come to get to work on a song for their project asap. 2. I have a few indie artists that wish to collaborate on either their albums or just on random songs. So that's cool. 3. My next solo album. 4. Judging for MC2022 submissions
As with all things, timing never seems right. We always want things to be perfectly organized before we move on to the next thing but that rarely ever happens. I keep thinking that pursuing a PR rep or artist management is the key to my growth but I conveniently forget that I am the one who needs to have a direction in mind. Without direction, everything just feels like a hodgepodge of random tasks and projects. Now, I struggle with lists, structure, routine, and basically all of the skills required to find clarity and purpose but I've always been passionate about supporting people that struggle. And while I once pursued a career in emergency medical services, I've realized that the best and most effective thing I've ever done, for anyone, is providing a space where they can escape their struggles for a time. That's what I can offer. And while I still think that communication and being vulnerable and open are helpful, there is a time and a place for that. I've been through one hell of a few years, and I'll continue to have my ups and downs, but my sporadic nature has thrown me off course. I'm going to try and get back to creating informative and fun livestreams, tutorials, and videos. I think that's what people want more of. I'll always be making new music and can sprinkle that in whenever I complete something, but getting back online, with a purpose, is probably the best place to start...again.
Thank you all so much for everything you have done for me, and for everything you do for me. I think it's time to get back online.
So, I'm definitely coming out of a pretty nasty swan dive into depression and other things... still tying to figure that other stuff out. I wanted to show you some pictures. There's me, my Dad's dog: Finn, and a 5 start hotel that I walked through but didn't stay at. It's like $500 a night and totally not worth it. I stayed there when I got married the first time and we had some issues with the other guests. I can't remember why but it spoiled the memories. There was heavy drinking involved, I'm sure. But I digress...
Just wanted to pop in and say hi, thank you, and I'm working on it. And I'm sorry if i haven't responded to many people but please know, I'm doing my best. I really need to work on my SiN 3 song. Maybe I can send a video of that in a few days. Yeah, I'll plan on doing that before anything else. 1 thing at a time. Breathe in. Breathe out. This wonderful ryhm, to scream and shout.
A few things. 1. I'm going to make a little video for those of you that want to know a little bit more about my personal life and the things I've been dealing with. I want to just post it to YouTube but I have no idea how to handle this. Even posting it here is gonna feel really weird. I'm setting it for the 5$ or more Floobers because I think that's the point where support and interest meet? I dunno. Maybe you guys have ideas.
It's really personal but I think I need to share it.
It should be done in the next few days. So much to do...
He shared those with me and I about lost it... And in the spirit of giving, I made a short video that's suppose to upload toYouTube in a little less than an hour, as a thank you to all of you!
I would like to say thank you all for your support. So, here I go. Thank you all for your support!!!
I was feeling really restless, panicky and, as usual, somewhat lost and destroyed. I slogged my way through the heat of the nyyyyiiight, and jumped in my auto.
The night air felt ok once I got ol' rusty movin down the highway. I decided that stopping was not something I felt like doing for awhile, so I hit the gas, popped in the 1st and 2nd 9.5 songs, followed by the OG Project Nexus, and then the GAME Project Nexus soundtracks.
I realized something after awhile. I think I realized that I had made the soundtracks that I wanted to make. I went for it at about the same speeds as I was traveling down the highway at.
Somewhere between the OG and 9.5pt2, I think I needed to play it safe. Galvanize wasn't a very successful album and I think that stung me a bit. I believe that I had began to isolate myself from everything and everyone as my bi-weekly depression came on.
Waves and waves of nostalgia hit me as I continued on my Roadtrip through the Apocolypse. The moon wasn't quite full and was hiding like a little loser behind a scattering of clouds. But it was still. Even at 90mph, it was still. The wind had followed the moon behind the clouds, I suppose, and I just had this feeling that I needed to Come Back home and start work on a new album.
So, that's what I'm doing. Just wanted to give you all fair warning. Buckle up, buttercup. It's going to be a crazy ride.
Hey everyone. First, thank you. Thank you all forever. I don't know if it's possible to appreciate anybody more than I do for you. I've sporadically started working on something. I really like it and I'll make a video in a little bit.
I've also been contemplating a lot of pretty heavy stuff. There's no doubt that I'm depressed but I didn't know that I could burn with so much anger, that I have to force myself to turn it down or it will burn forever. I didn't realize that I could get so hopeless that I'd rather starve myself then take part in this reality.
And throughout these life changing events, I feel discarded and abandoned by the Healthcare system that I used to be a part of. My spine pain is worse than it has ever been but I can't get a doctor's office to call me back for going on 2 weeks now. And forget seeing a specialist for at least 3 months from now. In the meantime "get with the doctor that hasn't called you back in over 2 weeks."
And all of this political stuff going on in the states these days... I mean... I won't get into it but it's a historic time to be alive.
And I feel like I'm coming back to life, in ways. And those ways multiply through the months. I know I'll be back soon. I just don't know how soon. I'll definetly get some behind the scenes music going. Get this train moving again?
I made another podcast. I know I haven't been he most persistent or reliable person for awhile now BUT I'm starting to get that DRIVE back. That desire to create the best stuff I can. Within those feelings is a nagging question that has stumped my brain for decades. And that is: why is music so important?
Check out the Floobcast if you want and leave a question! I will include as many questions as I can in the next episode. The more questions I get, the more it might look like people enjoy talking to me! And if that catches on then I think I'll be able to just dive head first into all of this content creation stuff. It takes me a long time to decide things. And that means that it takes me a long to to take action. But I've decided that this is the career that I want, and now I must earn it all over again.
I want to take a moment to honor a coworker of mine named Weston. He died today from complications in his brain due to internal bleeding. They said it was probably so quick that he didn't even know what happened. He was a pillar of kindness and encouragement and positivity for me. I am going to miss him dearly. He was only 26yrs old and next weekend was going to be his wedding...
I think our minds hit a certain point, when there is so much loss, and stress, and grief, and pain, that we have no choice but to go a little numb. Experience a little shock. And the waves of despair that leak out, from time to time, are our minds way of relieving the pressure in small increments, so as not to go absolutely insane.
I love you all and thank you so much for everything you've done for me. Your support, your words, your emails... it seems that my eyes want to answer in tears. So, there's that...
I don't know if there's a right way to do this but my wonderful and amazing Mom passed away earlier this week. She was (and is) the reason I love music so much. She believed in me when I didn't believe in myself and devoted her entire life to helping her boys see themselves the way that she saw them. My words will never begin to encapsulate her impact in the lives of those she loved. She helped me to see the awe that still exists, hiding in plain sight, all around us.
I don't know what the future will bring and I don't know when I'll return to any sort of schedule here on Patreon. I'm going to pause my subscriptions as soon as I can think straight but please don't feel any hesitation in canceling yours. I can't ask for support if I'm not trying to earn it. But thank you all SO MUCH for everything you have done to help me pursue my dreams so far! My Mom was so proud of what we have been able to accomplish.
I'll post something about the latest MC project as soon as I figure things out.
Love and respect to all of you. Forever yours, Chesh
Hey everyone, Thank you so much for the support! It really means a lot to me.
MC9.5pt2 is so close!!! I really hope that you enjoy the latest installment of the .5 series!
I apologize for the absence and lack of updates. It feels like something "swept through" my family this last month or 2. My back pain has returned with a vengeance and is so frustrating that sometimes I just want to scream. The 2 greatest people on this planet have been hospitalized and another was diagnosed with cancer. Fortunately, all 3 of them are set to make a full recovery. Thank the gods for that. My energy and concentration have been stretched and pushed and pulled in what seems like a million different directions but I think things are calming down now (knock on wood).
I'm hopeful that my next post will be a link to the animation and music.
I like to spend a little time working on ideas that won't fit inside the MC9.5 soundtrack. I think this one is shaping up to be pretty decent. I hope you enjoy it. Maybe you can help me come up with a better title. Hope you're all doing well.
I hope you're doing well. I forgot to mention this in my last post but I'm going to be adding a benefit to each tier, starting with the highest Floober support and making my way down to the initial Floober support. What it is, if you don't already know, is artists can put whatever original artwork or tiny videos behind the Spotify music player! People who listen to my music could also be looking at your artwork/messages/prom pictures, or whatever you like. As long as they follow the Spotify Canvas guidelines. Basically, no profanity, violence, pornography, explicit content, and whatever media goes up has to be original or license/copyright/belonging to you/me and must have permission to be posted. There's no form or anything, they'll just slap me for every instance of rule breaking.
I've got a ton of songs that could use some art! Don't feel obligated but it sounds like a fun time to me. After everyone here has submitted everything they want to, I'm going to try and hold a weekly contest on Discord for whatever songs are left "naked"
Ok, have a good day!
Oh, I'm gonna try and stream tomorrow around 4 or 5pm MST if anyone is interested. The recording will always be on YT for anyone who wants to watch it. Ok, that's it. Take it easy!
With my situation changing a little bit, I've decided to bring back the weekly/bi-weekly patreon streams! Now, don't everyone talk at once, I'll answer questions in an orderly fashion or not at all. Who's first?
*crickets*
No, I'm serious. One at a time please. Anybody, speak up. Go on
*Moose sounds *
Hmmmmm, interesting. Hey uh, Chesh? Yes Chesh, what is it? Make it snappy, I'm trying to field questions from the media circus. In fact, now isn't really a good time. If you're bored then go run around the block a few times. Now git!
*mysterious powertool sounds*
Um Chesh? OK! WHAT? WHAT IS SO IMPORTANT THAT YOU HAVE TO INTERRUPT THE ADULTS WHILST THEY ARE SPEAKING? HUH?
Chesh, there's nobody here but us. Are you feeling ok? You've got that look in your eye again...
*Sanity fleeing Chesh's mind noises *
WHY DON'T YOU GO PESTER YOUR BROTHER, HMMM? LORDY KNOWS HE COULD USE SOME ATTTENTION. HE'S BEEN IN THAT CRAWL SPACE FOR.... GOING ON 3 DAYS NOW.
* OK, um... I'm going to slowly back away and I suggest you guys do the same, ok? Don't make eye contact. I think he's trying to establish dominance. Let's just meet up on Thursday's. Does that work for you? I'm ok with most days so just let me know if you have a preference and we'll make it happen. Remember, slowly walk away, don't make eye contact, nice and slow. Leave a comment if you have a preference. Ok, have a good day! Shhhhh...*
