Bitter Karella

Midnight Pals: Souper

[at unicorn fuck club]
JRR Tolkien: tonight we've got a special story from everyone's favorite fantasy writer
GRR Martin:
CS Lewis:
Peter S Beagle:
Hans Christian Andersen:
...

Midnight Pals: Rolling Stone

JK Rowling: Well, I'm a big time writer with ssix more books insider her
Rowling: and I'm beloved everywhere i go
Allison Bailey: that sounds like you!
Rowling: I tweet about factss and b...

Midnight Pals: Mothers day meltdown

[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: I was just thinking about how transs people should be eliminated from ssociety
Jonathan Chait: whoa whoa whoa! joan...

Midnight Pals: Puppets

Robert Morgan: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of stopmotion
Morgan: ok so imagine
Morgan: what if your mom was richard williams

Morgan: just ...

Midnight Pals: Magic Man

Kiersten White: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the creepy kids show
Stephen King: oh excellent! a creepy pasta!
King: my boy joe told me all about...

Midnight Pals: Sssussspicionsss

[mysterious circle of robed figures]
Elon Musk: eyyyy i just thinka you should post somethinga besida da transphobia, si?
Musk: lika da strega bambino!
Musk: da people lova da straga bamb...

Midnight Pals: Post Better

[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: asss you all know
Rowling: women are defined by their big gametesss
Helen Joyce: oh yeah definitely
Joyce...

Midnight Pals: Tarot

Slimyswampghost: check it out, i designed some tarot cards
SSG: they work just like regular tarot cards
SSG: except they have scary monsters on them
SSG: with real fucked up corned beef fa...

Novella incoming!

Hey, everyone -- a little NON-MIDNIGHT PALS NEWS for once. The next volume in the acclaimed SPLIT SCREAM series is available to preorder now from Tenebrous Press! Split Scream is super cool cuz, he...

Midnight Pals: Bigfoots

Brian Keene: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of crazy bear valley
Keene: so these no-good outlaws are on the run from the law
Keene: but
Keene: ...

Midnight Pals: Patience

Thomas Disch: neil in the good omens game, is there a way to escape the dungeon without using the wizard's key?
Neil Gaiman: ah! a very good question!
Clive Barker: what? that's a terrible q...

Midnight Pals: The First Omen

Arkasha Stevenson: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the first omen
Stevenson: things about to get real catholic here
William Peter Blatty: yes.. h...

Midnight Pals: the beard is blue

Anna Biller: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of bluebeard's castle
Mary Shelley: sup fuckers?
Shelley: you telling a gothic story here?
Bill...

Midnight Pals: Bluebeard

Anna Biller: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, I call this the tale of bluebeard's castle
Biller: it's about a woman trapped at a secluded castle under the thumb of a mysteriou...

Midnight Pals: The Magician

W. Somerset Maugham: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the magician
Maugham: so there's this evil magician
Aleister Crowley: hell yeah
Maugham: an...

Midnight Pals: Imagination!

Neil Gaiman: [inhaling fresh morning air] ahhhh what a great day for a race!
Clive Barker: what race?
Gaiman: the HUMAN race
Gaiman: i was just thinking of the awesome potential of the hum...

Midnight Pals: Child Actors

[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: did you hear? daniel radcliffe and emma watson sssupport transs rightsss?
Rowling: i will NEVER forgive this...

Midnight Pals: Trucks and Dolls

[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: the time of our ultimate triumph issss at hand
Rowling: the cassss report says girlss play with dollsss and boys...

Midnight Pals: More Usherin

Mike Flanagan: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the fall of the house of usher
[several hours later]
Flanagan: ocean acidification, opioid addiction...

Midnight Pals: Swamp

Elizabeth Broadbent: Submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of ink vine
Broadbent: what if there was a magical lesbian
Broadbent: in the swamp
Edward Lee:...

Midnight Pals: Trapdoor Spiders

Fletcher Pratt: i'd like to welcome you all to the first meeting of the No Mildreds Club
Mildred Baldwin: hey what are you boys doing in here
Pratt: um excuse me
Pratt: [pointing...

Midnight Pals: Internet Beefs

[mysterious circle of robed figures]
Maya Forstater: dark lord! dark lord! terrible news!
Forstater: i just heard they're going to put you in jail!
Forstater: also i heard that antifa supe...

Midnight Pals: Making Lists

[mysterious circle of robed figures]
JK Rowling: hello children
Rowling: i have
Rowling: right here in my hand
Rowling: a list of 205 card carrying transssexualsss

Rowling: i'...

Midnight: More Usher

Mike Flanagan: so the important thing about the Usher family
Flanagan: is that they are all huge perverts
Poe: oh yes yes absolutely
Poe: see, this guy gets it!
Barker: do the Us...

Midnight Pals: Usher

Mike Flanagan: Submitted for the approval of the Midnight Society, i call this the tale of Edgar Allan Poe's Greatest Hits…Updated for the New Millennium!
Flanagan: what if roderick usher was ...

Midnight Pals: Cowboys

Stoker: i've got a great story for you all tonight
Koontz: dracula?
Stoker: no dean it's not dracula
Barker: you have other stories besides dracula
Stoker:
Stoker: yes clive i do hav...

Midnight Pals: Cool Kids

Sam Richard: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the cartoon with a satanic grimoire in it
King: see, that's why we don't let dean watch tv
Richard: oh...

Midnight Pals: Fox Devils

Sam Richard: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the fox devils
Richard: it's about this kid from a super religious family
Richard: they don't even let...

Midnight Pals: Spicy stories

JK Rowling: hello children
Poe: oh
Poe: oh joanne
Poe: you're back
Rowling: i have concernss
Poe: uh we're mostly about just telling stories here
Poe: you have your own campfire f...

Midnight Pals: Castle Freak

Stuart Gordon: submitted for the approval of the midnight society, i call this the tale of the castle freak  
King: is this a freak who lives in a castle or someone who's a freak for castle...