SpanishRed

Only Fans Users Aren't Who You Think They Are

Splash (not her real username) has been on Fetlife as long as I have: seven years. She’s a poly domme switch with no fewer than five Fetlife groups. When she’s not giving kinksters a moderated ...

Things Straight Men Should Know About Dating

• In the 21st century, it’s completely impossible to know whether it’s a date or just a platonic outing, so just wait and see if your date attempts to kiss you. This will definitely work. 2023-09-18 04:47:20 +0000 UTC View Post

You Don't Have to Be a Service Dominant

Hank is a new dom so wet behind the ears you could wring all that moisture into a glass. He’s already struggling. He managed to find a girlfriend (Yay, Hank!) and buy three toys with the cash he ...

What it's Like to Be a Man Who isn't an Asshole On Fetlife

They say if you're a man on Fetlife, you're invisible. Nobody replies to your messages. Nobody cares what you post. You might as well be a ghost, so in 2020, I turned my affiliate profile into an o...

Fetlife isn't a Dating Site. You Have To Bend It To Your Will

Let’s say dating sites are like coat hangers on which to hang your dating experience. They’re expressly designed for that, so they’re good at keeping wrinkles out of your clothes. In the onli...

Women Aren't the Sidekicks in Your Story

Women are not the sidekicks in your story—not to provide sex in exchange for a burger, fix your dating problems, or fight for your causes. We’re not your prostitutes, your counsellors, or your ...

David Attenborough Explores the K&P Underbrush

(Written on a patron's request)

When you make your way through the treacherous cliffs of the Fetlife underbrush, the odds of survival are heavily stacked against you. David Fettenborough has ...

Stone Bait Doesn't Catch Fish

A client has spent a month camped out in my inbox because nobody will do her urgent work. She’s ranted, whined, and nagged. What she hasn’t done is offer reasonable pay and interesting work. Sh...

I Found a Toy Invented By God and Wrought From Angels' Tears

Seven years ago I discovered a toy created by Zeus to change the lives of every woman on planet earth and beyond. I’m sorry that I didn’t find it sooner, but that’s just the necessary downsid...

The Truth About Revoking Consent After the Fact (Big TW)

Right Wing Toby has a lot to say about Adena. She has completely consensual sex, then revokes it retrospectively and cries “rape.” The way Toby and his cronies describe her, most rape accusatio...

Celibate People Can Be Happy, Too

The last time I got laid was in 2021. Before that, it was 2015. If you can’t math, that’s two and five years of celibacy respectively. It’s a long time, but mushrooms haven’t sprouted from ...

No, You Aren't Right. You Just need a New Pair of Glasses.

When high-definition monitors hit the market, I hopped along to get one of my own. When I fired it up, it didn’t look much better than my old technology, so I returned to tell the store the monit...

Pronouns Aren't a Free Speech Issue (TW transphobia)

“Forcing me to use your pronouns removes my free speech rights.” - Eric the Cis Man.

Hello, Eric. When I meet women like you, I always get a little irritated because you...

Requests for David Attenborough/Trump Satire

I was going to do this at my Fet profile, but let's see if you have anything on this side. I'm looking for topic requests for satire written in the voice of David Attenborough and Donald Trump. I w...

This Much Stasis, This Much Life

(TW rape, anorexia, suicide)

I live in the wrong body: one with hips, with breasts, with all the curves of a grown woman, and I’m not sure I’ll ever be entirely comfortable with that. Whe...

My Kink Scene Red Flags

This is a list of my own subjective red flags. I decided not to post an objective list because sometimes, intuition exposes important truths. These are the traits I stay the hell ...

Apparently the Kink Scene Doesn't Turn You into a Slut

Yesterday I got laid. I went out with a sexy, nerdy supermodel type, and when he dropped me off, he took a few whips and a ball gag out of his fancy-ass convertible. We fucked for three hours, and ...

Fetlife is Rigged to Fuck This Up For You and Other Things I Wish I’d Known When I Was New to Fetlife

• If you behave like an asshole on Fetlife, a fiery, screaming horde of cannibals will descend upon you just like in The Green Inferno. This site is full of intelligent, confrontational, ethica...
  2023-09-05 06:59:56 +0000 UTC View Post

Women Are Not the Enemy

As a child, I’d often hear stories about Mozambique’s landmines because the country is right on my doorstep. Photographs of blown-off legs and bloody torsos made the news all the time. The land...

Fetlife should be the white house of sex positivity, so maybe you'd be more comfortable in a church

Fetlife should be the white house of sex positivity. We’re all sluts here by one definition or another. We don’t shame people for having 300 notches on their bedposts, and we don’t refer to S...

Celibacy Won't Kill You, But Rage Might

Yesterday I met a lot of men who are exceedingly unhappy about their sex lives. Many were even rabidly resentful of women for not providing equal dating opportunities to men. They experienced their...

Unicorn Hunters Aren't Poly. They're Monogamous Couples Looking For a Fantasy

This is your basic personals ad:

Professional person seeking someone to have and hold. Must be into ball gags, Pina Coladas, and getting caught in the rain.

This is your basic unicorn-h...

Lessons in Women's Safety

“Most women won’t know they are pregnant for the first month or so, when they might still be drinking. The risk is real. Why take the chance?” This appeared on an infographic the CDC put out ...

Being Vanilla

H was an artist. I became his favourite subject. He’d hang me impossibly and forever so that every sliver broke me. Then he would paint and sell the spoils as art. Orange was our flavour: sweet a...

More Things BDSM Noobs Should Know

• Poly is not a higher kink qualification. I know it looks as though we’re all poly here, but monogamists are everywhere, walking around like regular people. They don’t see each other. They...
  2023-08-29 05:19:11 +0000 UTC View Post

If You're New to Fetlife

If you don’t look too closely, Fetlife will seem like a dark room crawling with orgies and smut. We’re the Facebook of Pornhub, so we'll show you our diamante-clad buttholes if it’s the last ...

Our Biggest Mistakes in the Kink Scene

Today I wanted to write about trust. I wanted to share the importance of intuition when you’re choosing play partners, but this post wouldn't cooperate with my goals.

Let me start at the be...

This is My Raincloud. There Are Many Like It, But This One Is Mine

Kids who come out of the Seventies often carry little rainclouds with them—small pockets of darkness that make us feel at home. We’re comfortable with it because, as children, our horror movies...

Stop Trying to Cure Depression With Motivational Idioms

Depression is like a life lived uphill pushing a boulder. In the beginning, pushing that rock is possible, even easy, but when weeks have passed, your exhaustion is complete. Your inability to move...

Rope is the Swiss Army Knife of BDSM

Rope is an inferior form of bondage. That’s what my 2015 self said. I even wrote it into a post, which shot up to K&P like a Mentos bomb. Everyone agreed: A top with real power didn�...